I think it’s possible that I might be very slightly depressed.

I, of course, have noticed myself getting increasingly agitated and sad as my EDD comes closer. It took me by surprise when I stepped back and allowed myself to realize that it was happening, but acknowledging it has helped me accept it, I think. What I didn’t notice, however, was my lack of initiative when it comes to doing things… I noticed it this evening.

I had plans on going to the gym, and the grocery store after work. I’ve been putting off going to the grocery store since Sunday. Every time I think about it, it just seems like such an enormous task. So I just keep putting it off.

I also keep putting off calling my mother. Now, this IS an enormous task, as my mother is a very negative person by nature and the fact that she’s going through this crap with her health isn’t helpful with her demeanor. Before you think me a heartless monster, my mom and I don’t have a good relationship at all. She’s a negative, manipulative, toxic person and I try not to talk to her very frequently. The thought of talking to her in all of her negativity, when I myself am feeling very down, is very overwhelming.

The thing that made me think that I might be past the point of just sadness, and may be a little depressed, is the fact that I was sitting here at my computer just browsing, realized that I needed to pay my phone and car insurance bills, and was overwhelmed with this feeling of just not wanting to. Like it was too much. I just wanted to go and lay down on the couch.

Now, I’m not saying I need to be medicated, or hospitalized or anything, but I am acknowledging the fact that I think that maybe my sadness has crossed that threshold, just a little bit. Perhaps vocalizing this will help me keep it in check. I have much to be grateful for in my life… Very, very much.

That is all for now.