Hmm.

I think it’s possible that I might be very slightly depressed.

I, of course, have noticed myself getting increasingly agitated and sad as my EDD comes closer. It took me by surprise when I stepped back and allowed myself to realize that it was happening, but acknowledging it has helped me accept it, I think. What I didn’t notice, however, was my lack of initiative when it comes to doing things… I noticed it this evening.

I had plans on going to the gym, and the grocery store after work. I’ve been putting off going to the grocery store since Sunday. Every time I think about it, it just seems like such an enormous task. So I just keep putting it off.

I also keep putting off calling my mother. Now, this IS an enormous task, as my mother is a very negative person by nature and the fact that she’s going through this crap with her health isn’t helpful with her demeanor. Before you think me a heartless monster, my mom and I don’t have a good relationship at all. She’s a negative, manipulative, toxic person and I try not to talk to her very frequently. The thought of talking to her in all of her negativity, when I myself am feeling very down, is very overwhelming.

The thing that made me think that I might be past the point of just sadness, and may be a little depressed, is the fact that I was sitting here at my computer just browsing, realized that I needed to pay my phone and car insurance bills, and was overwhelmed with this feeling of just not wanting to. Like it was too much. I just wanted to go and lay down on the couch.

Now, I’m not saying I need to be medicated, or hospitalized or anything, but I am acknowledging the fact that I think that maybe my sadness has crossed that threshold, just a little bit. Perhaps vocalizing this will help me keep it in check. I have much to be grateful for in my life… Very, very much.

That is all for now.

Comments

  1. Worrybook says:

    I was there about a month ago. Even the smallest tasks seem insurmountable. It is definitely a form of depression. Be aware of it. Make sure it doesn't get worse. I have been on anti-depressants since I was 16 (I am 29 now). Depression isn't normal, but sadness is. KWIM? Just take extra good care of yourself and don't be afraid to look into medication if you think you may need it. I know the EDD is a kick in the gut. I was thinking last night that my baby would be turning ONE already. Hugs to you. I hope this is your sticky BFP month!

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