Not looking good

I was feeling moderately hopeful last night, as my boobs were still swollen, sore, I was queasy on and off all day, etc.

HOWEVER.

This morning, I went to use the bathroom, and when I wiped… Pink. Pink, pink, pink.

Awesome.
AF is due today, I have a feeling she’s going to make her appearance late today, or tomorrow.

I saw that pink, and I started to cry. I don’t know why I keep getting my hopes up, month after month. I cannot comprehend why it was so easy for us to get pregnant the first time (we got it on our FIRST TRY), and now, here we are, about to move on to our SEVENTH TIME trying. I know that this isn’t horribly long in retrospect; some couples try for much longer, but still. I should have a baby right now, but I don’t. I lost my baby, and I’m sitting here spinning my wheels, trying trying trying for a baby, wanting desperately to see that positive on an HPT; longing for the day that I can feel my little one kick, see him or her on that ultrasound screen moving about; hold that baby in my arms.

When will it be my turn? Will it ever be my turn? It doesn’t feel like it will right now. I’m feeling so down, so sad, I didn’t even want to come in to work today.

And today is my husband’s birthday. *Sighs* I wanted to be able to tell him he is going to be a daddy on his birthday. Instead, I’m just sitting here, waiting for AF to show her stupid, unwanted, ugly head. I wish she’d just get on with it already instead of making me wait.

Comments

  1. {{HUGS}}

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