Heartbreaking

There is a woman named Amy who used to post to TTCAM. She is currently pregnant, and due very soon. Sometimes I lurk at PAL (pregnant after a loss) to see graduates’ updates and to dream about the moment that I finally get to post there. Well, I saw a post about Amy regarding her family; apparently she woke up to find her husband wasn’t breathing. He passed away.

When I read this, I was absolutely horrified. I don’t know what exactly happened to him. All I know is that she has 2 other children and one on the way, and now her husband is gone. When I read this, I ran out to Josh and told him about it, and hugged him so tight. I just cannot even fathom what I would do if I were to lose him.

I just read an update from Amy herself at PAL, and I’m on the verge of tears right now. I cannot even begin to think about how horrible this situation is for her. My heart is breaking for her, and the thought of the pain she’s going through now is almost unbearable.

I understand that death is a natural part of life and that everyone has to go sometime, but why do situations like this one have to exist? Why does she have to be left without a husband with 3 children? Why did she have to lose him? It’s just not fair.

Cycle 7 news

Well, this is our 7th cycle of trying since we started last June. We had to take two months off, obviously, because of the surgery.

I’m not feeling so optimistic for this cycle. I’m having an abundance of creamy CM, which is generally a sign of AF coming. She’s not due for another 6-9 days, but generally I get very creamy CM after O so.. We’ll just wait and see, I guess.

No symptoms, I’m guessing I’m probably just now at around 7 DPO. Maybe 6. I don’t really know when I ovulated for sure. I did feel really weird and crampy all day yesterday though. A lot of it was in my back, which I’m kind of attributing to the fact that my chair/desk combination here at work sucks. I’ve been pretty much sitting at my computer for a week straight working on our billing so my back/legs/knees have been absolutely killing me.

Last month, my breasts were sore pretty much from around ovulation time until AF was due. They got really, REALLY sore close to AF. I posted a message about it on TTCAM and one of the pieces of feedback was a question of whether I’d been to the doctor to check for ovarian cysts. The poster said that she had a similar issue and when she went to the doc, they found cysts on her ovaries. Now I’m completely and utterly paranoid about cysts on my ovaries. What if she’s right? I don’t want to go to the doctor and have to do an ultrasound and be charged $300 for nothing to be wrong. I’m worried that I’m over-analyzing, and that it’s just something my body does since the miscarriage. A lot of things have changed about my body since we lost the baby. It mimics pregnancy a lot more (which is infuriating) closer to AF time. My boobs get puffy and veiny, I get tired and scatterbrained, I even get queasy. And yet, AF shows up every. single. month.

Ah, well. I don’t have any other symptoms of cysts, so I guess until those develop I’ll just try not to worry about it too much.

Keeping my fingers crossed, though not being overly hopeful or optimistic. I’m really and truly starting to think that it’s never going to happen for me again. I just cannot believe that we got pregnant so easily our first try, and now we’re on our 7th cycle of trying. 7 cycles. I just cannot even believe it.

Yah-hee, icky thump
Who’d-a thunk?
Sittin’ drunk on a wagon to Mexico
Her hair, what a chump
And my head got a bump
When I hit it on the radio
~ Icky Thump, the White Stripes

Honest Scraps

Here’s to my buddy Kim for tagging me!

The rules:1) Choose a minimum of 7 blogs that you find brilliant in content or design.

2) Show the 7 winners names and links on your blog, and leave a comment informing them that they were prized with “Honest Scrap.” Well, there’s no prize, but they can keep the nifty icon.
I don’t think I have 7 readers, so I’ll just tag the ones I know read. 😉

3) List at least 10 honest things about yourself.

************************************

1) I have a scar on my left cheek. This came from getting it impaled on a tree branch when I was 6.

2) I’m relatively obsessed with a LiveJournal community called onnotheydidnt. It’s a celebrity/pop culture gossip blog. I read it so much, that “internet slang” has crept into my real-life vocabulary. It’s not abnormal to hear me utter the phrases, “Made of awesome”, “Nom nom nom”, or “FOR THE WIN”. Things of that nature.

3) I sing in a women’s barbershop chorus.

4) When I’m eating potato chips, I lick each side first. Whichever side is saltier is the side I put on my tongue.

5) I wish I could get paid and make a living writing. But I just don’t really believe I’m good enough for that.

6) I have always had at least one cat. There has never, ever been a time in my life when I didn’t have a cat.

7) I hate all cars that are yellow or orange.

8) Playing Guitar Hero relaxes me.

9) I like to drink beer.

10) When I was little, I gave all my My Little Pony dolls mohawks.

TAG: Sara, Marie, Nicole

Feeling Good

I’m feeling good about this month. I’m not getting my hopes up, or trying to feel overly optimistic. DH and I had a good BD session last night with, um, lots of payoff. I had good EWCM all day yesterday.. We may BD again tonight if we both feel like it. We’re doing our parts in this journey toward a baby. The rest is up to what is meant to be, I suppose. It’s hard to let go and accept that, and I’m not sure if I’m 100% there yet but I’m trying really hard. There’s only so much that he and I can do before we just have to give up control and let the universe decide what it wants with us….

But keep your fingers crossed for us, k? It would be such a wonderful blessing to finally get pregnant on our first cycle back trying, and to have a baby around Josh’s birthday.

Back in the game

I have very promising EWCM both yesterday and today. My mouth/gums feel better, and I’m ready to get this TTC stuff back up and running!

Here’s to a late January BFP with a sweet little October pumpkin!!!!!

Wisdom Teeth

Recovery is going OK. I took Monday, Tuesday, and Wednesday of last week off from work. Wednesday night I have the single worst headache of my entire life. It was like a cross between a sinus headache, and what I suspect a migraine feels like. I’ve never had a migraine before so I don’t really know. What I do know is that I was sensitive to moving, light, sound, and when I closed my eyes I could “see” pulses of light behind my eyes. My husband gets migraines and he confirmed that it did sound like one.

I have a sneaky suspicion that maybe it was the prescribed pain meds that I was taking that triggered the headache. Why do I think this? Well last night I was having a hard time sleeping because the lower left side of my mouth is still hurting a bit, so I took one. I woke up this morning with an AWFUL headache. So I have decided to nix the pain meds and stick with my sinus headache pills that I’ve been taking for the immense pressure in my face and skull.

I’m able to chew with my front teeth a little bit. I’ve been trying to exercise/flex my jaw more so it stops being so stiff, but it’s hard and uncomfortable. Like I mentioned the left side is still a little more painful than the right. The right side of my face feels fine.

So getting back into the TTC frame of mind, I should be ovulating sometime this week. I’m not entirely sure if we’ll make this cycle or not. I haven’t been feeling like doing much of anything, and sex has certainly not been in the front of my mind. I guess we’ll just have to see. Every day I feel a little bit better. I hope that I’ll feel up to it, because for one it’s been a while and for two, I’d like to get this trying crap over with and just get pregnant again already.

I feel like I have been very patient in waiting, and now I’m ready for it to be my turn. Seriously. I’m really getting tired of people in my life getting pregnant before I do. In one month, this is four weeks folks, I have learned of 4 women that I either know personally, am related to, or work with that are pregnant. FOUR. In ONE MONTH. What the hell, universe? I mean, seriously are you trying to torment me? Oy vey. I know that patience is a virtue, but come on.

Here’s hoping. If we do by some chance get pregnant this month, we’d be due in October close to Josh’s birthday. That’d be a nice little birthday gift for him, I think. I guess all we can do is try, and hope for the best.

Belated Wisdom Tooth Update

This was posted in my normal blog yesterday, and I’m just now getting around to posting it today:

Well, I did it. I am now sans four teeth.

We went early this morning, around 9:30. I signed in, they confirmed that they had my credit card info, asked me if I had a ride, had I eaten, etc. I sat back down and 5 minutes later a nurse came and called me. I squeaked out, “No!” but got up, waved bye to Josh and in I went.

They made me comfy in a room, hooked me up to vital monitors and a blood pressure machine. My blood pressure was 120/75 which I guess is good. I’ve never had blood pressure problems. It was kind of funny to watch my heart rate bounce; when nothing was happening it was about 75 and whenever a nurse would hook something up or wheel something near it’d jump. They hooked me up to an IV in my hand (which I’ve never had before) which only hurt a little. They covered me with a big, thick blanket and gave me an ID bracelet. The dentist came in, said hi, and asked if I was ready. I told him not really but they had me all strapped in so I didn’t have a choice. They laughed, and told me they were going to put some oxygen over my face.

The nurse injected some anti-nausea medication into my IV, they put the oxygen over my face and injected me with what I’m assuming was the sedative, because it seems as soon as that oxygen went over my nose things started getting a little blurry and my eyes started to cross.

I think that I maybe remember voices during the procedure but I don’t remember anything else. The next thing I remember I was laying in a chair with the blanket still over me, and the nurse telling me not to move. Things got progressively less fuzzy, and I was able to take in a little more information. I tried to talk, but they told me not to. They had put a cold pack on my right side, as I guess it had experienced a bit more trauma than the left. My tongue felt like a piece of sandpaper, and all I wanted was a drink. I lay there for about 20 minutes regaining consciousness, and they helped me out to where Josh had pulled the car around. They wrote me a doctor’s note through Thursday, and said goodbye.

We went to Walgreens to drop off my scrips for Amoxicillin and some pain meds. Josh drove me back home and got me some more soft food, and picked up my meds. We changed out my gauze for the first time, which freaked me the HELL out. It was a deep, dark red color and completely covered with blood. There were dark red blood clots and it wigged me out. After we put in new ones my jaw and face started hurting kind of badly, so I took my first Oxycodone. I was expecting it to make me silly and nauseous but the only effect they’ve had on me is making me randomly sleep in 20 minute intervals.

I’ve been changing out my gauze all day, and I’m no longer bleeding profusely. The blood is now sparse and brown.. I just got done carefully eating some Jell-O. Josh’s mom is making me homemade potato soup tomorrow, which I’m really, REALLY excited about. I’m going to sleep on the couch tonight as we’ve made a very comfortable nest, and I need to sleep on my back with my head elevated.

Josh also brought back a friend for me; he bought me a plastic triceratops to watch over me when he’s not here. I named the dinosaur Gauzey McBleedinggums.

Overall the surgery took maybe 30 minutes. The time that passed from the moment I walked in the door, to the moment I walked out was maybe an hour and fifteen minutes. The anesthesia did not make me vomit; I haven’t felt even a hint of nausea all day which I’m really happy about. My brother had a really bad experience with the pain medication making him sick. He threw up so much he ended up with dry sockets.

So I’m staying home tomorrow but I’ll probably be back to work Wednesday. I’ve been trying to talk as little as possible, because my jaws are starting to get really sore. I have no bruising as of now, and virtually no swelling. Overall I think it was a really easy surgery.

Ok so anyway, maybe the pain medication is making me a little rambly because that was long. If you made it this far, thank you. 😉 I hope you are all having a great night!

And this is today’s update:

I was able to sleep in about 2 hour intervals last night. I kept getting up, watching a little TV, eating some Jell-O, then going back to sleep. I feel pretty rested. I was a little uncomfortable this morning, so I took one of my pain pills and snoozed for another 2 hours or so. Once I woke up, I didn’t really realize how uncomfortable my face was before the pill, because it feels much better now.

I’m having Josh get me some Tylenol on his way home because I’m going to try to work tomorrow, and I don’t need to take the pain pills while I’m at work. It’s not dangerous for me to do so as I don’t have a particularly physical job, but I’d prefer not to fall asleep repeatedly at work. If I were taking the pills tomorrow, by the way, I’d have Josh drive me.

So I’m going to start myself on Tylenol tonight to see how well it controls the pain. If the pain is still disturbing my comfort level I may take one more day off. My doc’s note says it’s OK to return to work Thurs, so we’ll just play it by ear.

I’m going to watch Ellen now, and try and brush my teeth. My discharge instructions say to begin brushing (gently, and not at the surgical site obviously) and rinsing with salt water today. I have an irrigation tool that I’m to start using on Friday.

Overall this process hasn’t been bad. No nausea, the pain is controllable. I have noticed that I have not had much of an appetite. Just a little grumbling here and there which I can usually shut up with some Jell-O. I am tired of eating sweets though, so I’m really looking forward to some soup this afternoon.

I’m off to watch Ellen! Thank you everyone for the well-wishes!

You say it’s your birthday?

Well, it’s my birthday, too! Yeah!

I’m 25 years old today. I have been on this planet for a quarter of a century. How in the hell did that happen? It seems like yesterday I was celebrating my 20th birthday and marveling at the fact that I was two decades old.

Yikes. I have found that the older I get, the faster time goes.

Monday’s the BIG DAY for the wisdom teeth. See ya, suckers! It’s been fun!

1, 2, 3, 4, tell me that you love me more. Sleepless long nights, that is what my youth was for. Old teenager hopes are alive at your door, left you with nothing but they want some more…
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