The Curious Case of My Vanishing VaJayJay

So…… This may be a little much, but honestly when I became pregnant, after all the TTC lingo I exchanged with ladies via message boards, TMI doesn’t really exist for me anymore so here it goes.

I can no longer see my crotch.

It’s true. I don’t remember what inspired me even thinking to look, but after much glancing, twisting and turning and other various methods of contortion that are usually best left to small acrobatic circus performers, I confirmed that I can no longer see my crotch. It’s gone. Vanished. Out of my sight.

I tried to pull my belly out of the way, except the thing is – my belly won’t, like, move anymore. It just… Is there. All the time. I tried bending over. That just made my vagina disappear further from my view. I lifted my leg and propped it up on the toilet, almost toppling over like a Weeble in the process. I peeked, peered, and gazed. My husband caught me doing this; looking like I was attempting some strange and potentially dangerous new Yoga pose and asked me what the hell I was doing. I gave him a look like, “duh” and told him I was trying to see my crotch, to which he responded by howling in laughter and walking away.

The only way I can see my ladybits anymore is to look with a mirror. Even that is difficult, but look with a mirror I did – if only to reassure myself that my vagina is, in fact, still there and fully in tact. I ended up getting a glimpse of it. Yep, there’s my vagina. Still there, still looking the same as it ever did (albeit slightly more… Um… Puffy? WTF, PREGNANCY?). Pregnancy is such a curious thing. Never in a million years did I think that something as simple as being able to see my own vagina would be something that was impossible without being an Olympic gymnast. Something that I’ve seen every single day of my life is now gone; hidden by the growing mound that is my stomach.

I think that the book Belly Laughs by Jenny McCarthy had mentioned something about her vagina getting blue and engorged, and when I read it in my first trimester I laughed heartily and thought to myself that was a bunch of bullshit. Apparently it is NOT bullshit, and vaginas do in fact get engorged during gestation. Though mine isn’t blue. It’s still a normal color.

Now that you know entirely too much about my crotch region, carry on and have a very pleasant Tuesday. And never take the fact that you can see your vagina for granted.

Comments

  1. Christina says:

    LMBO! I love reading your posts, there always so funny! Yes, welcome to the VV (Vanished Vajayjay) Club. I haven't seen mine in a few months either. This is probably TMI, but I tried to groom it myself (without being able to see it) and ended up with a bald patch. Needless to say, I will be recruiting the hubby for any further grooming it needs, lol.

  2. karmapearl says:

    I am laughing too hard at the grooming comments girls, because I tried to do that too and it just did. not. work. I was in the shower, and I had my leg hiked up, was bending over, turning to the side, trying to move my stomach out of the way and it just wasn't happening. I think I managed to get most of it, but I still have a few hairy patches. I'm pretty sure I'm just going to give up and allow the "girl" to become a wild, untamed jungle of fun.

  3. LMAO! Wait until you're 9 months pregnant and you're attempting to groom your lady bits. You learn to shave by using a highly advanced touch-and-feel method; and just when you applaud yourself for doing a good job, you realize you've missed a few spots and you're back to square one. Fun stuff!

    Yeah, pregnancy does make everything engorged and miscolored and uber-wet down there. It's called "cheeseburger crotch" for a reason, LOL!

    Hang in there. Your crotch will magically reappear and shrink back down to size once the baby is born. :)

  4. karmapearl says:

    Lindsey thanks for the comment!My belly POPPED like crazy around… Errrr… 24 weeks and it hasn't stopped growing since. It's like it happened overnight, it's CRAZY.And that's a good friend you can enlist to shave you down there ;)I'm following your blog now, BTW.

  5. HAHA! I am only 5 1/2 months along and I can't see mine if I look straight down, but luckily I can still bend and see it. I don't know how I'm going to "groom" when the time comes that I can no longer see it at all. I've asked my husband who just stares at me like there is no way he is going near that area with a razor. I think I'm going to have to enlist the help of my pregnant friend. Awkward! But at least she'll understand….hopefully! Love your blog!!

  6. karmapearl says:

    I am telling you, the things that pregnancy does to our bodies is AMAZING. And the things no one tells you before you get pregnant.. Like.. "One day, seeing your vagina will be a distant memory. FORGET about shaving it."

  7. Roses Daughter says:

    LOL!!!! I took a peek this morning at her, and was amazed at how swollen she is!!! Then, I tried grooming the VaJayJay with a 35 almost 36 week belly in the way. Ummmm, bald patches don't begin to describe it!!! I am going to have to be my hubby to make me look presentable for my appointment tommorrow!

  8. TMI for sure but thanks for the laughs. Happy SITS Saturdayfest!!

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