Incoming!! AKA: Dodging Projectile Poop

Early this morning after a feeding, my daughter needed a diaper change.

It wasn’t a wet diaper, but a poopy diaper. You know, one of those where they squish up for a second, take a deep breath and then you feel a small explosion on your hand where you are supporting their butt? Then it’s followed by a foul odor and your little one looks very relieved.

Honestly, there is very little that’s more exciting to a new parent than their child pooping and peeing regularly. It means they’re getting enough nutrition and are healthy! Yes, dirty diapers are awful (especially breastmilk diapers… UGH) but they are also very exciting and NOT as gross as I’d anticipated. Maybe it’s because it’s my kid.

I digress. I took Nellie into her room to change her, cooing at her all the while and praising her for being such a good pooper. I lay her down, slipped off the diaper and got down to business. I given her the first once-over with the wipes when a small amount of poop trickled out of her butt.
“Oh no!” I thought. “She’s not done!” I then realized that I was standing DIRECTLY in the line of fire. Right at that moment, I heard an odd noise and I literally jumped out of the way. I managed to very, VERY narrowly dodge a projectile, liquidy stream of baby poop. It got on the changing table pads and hit the box of baby wipes I had sitting on the table. I yelled, “OH MY GOD!” and Nellie just lay there, looking up at me with an unimpressed and unaffected gaze. I immediately bursted out laughing and got to work cleaning her up.

Mommy Lessons #4 and #5: Do not stand at the foot of the changing table where baby’s rectum is facing you. Also, keep baby wipes at the head of the table so she can’t poop on them and ruin the box.This was totally me, except instead of a bullet it was baby shit.

Comments

  1. OMG! Thanks…that made my morning! I will be heeding this warning in the future.

  2. Poop is funny. Way funnier than pee.

    http://geekfamily07.blogspot.com/2010/01/potty-humor.html

  3. A very important lesson to learn! I think most of us learned that the hard way:)

  4. Oh my gosh, been there & done that! How hysterical!

    Breastfed babies have the most disgusting, runny, projectile poop I have ever seen. When my daughter was younger, there were times when it took me 20+ minutes to change her diaper because poop would go flying – and just when I thought she was done, more would come out and it would go everywhere. Wait until it gets on the walls – that's a real treat!

    Welcome to motherhood. :)

  5. Solid food poops smell WAY worse then breast milk poops, but everyone who says breast milk poops don't smell is a LIAR! Also what you eat depends on how bad it will smell too.

  6. LOL..my cousin's son always pooped whenever he got his bottom wiped. And, breastmilk is the better smelling poop. Just wait til she's eating food or if she ever tries formula…talk about nasty!Tammy

  7. Funny! We had a similar situation. I was changing a dirty diaper…hubby was overlooking. The INSTANT I had put the clean diaper underneath her butt, she squirted a stream of poop out suddenly! After we recovered from that, I had JUST gotten a third clean diaper underneath her and she peed all over the place, including my hand, which was underneath her with the diaper!CRAZY!!

  8. Teresha@Marlie and M says:

    love the mental image of you dodging shit bullets, LOL! you're right that poo and pee is exciting when you become a parent

  9. A New Mom says:

    Lol that happened to my hubby when our little man was in the hospital (he was born on 11/20/09). I made fun of him constantly until it almost happened to me. I was cleaning him at 3am when I heard a gurgle. I wasn't fast enough to cover his tush…but I got out of the way. LOL…he literally got it on the wall about 2 feet away from his changing table. LOL being a new mom is a long learning experience right? :o)

  10. So funny! I'm really not looking forward to poop. Maybe that will change. But it does remind me of the time I was taking care of my friend's kids and it was bath time so I was taking off her son's diaper (which he had just pooped in)and I realized he wasn't finished either. And I caught his poop in my hand before it hit the floor.

  11. Kimmygintx says:

    LOL

    *makes mental note regarding positioning of the changing pad vs. everything else*

  12. Anthony C says:

    I haven't been pooped on yet, but peep on a few times and had baby puke in my mouth (Yummy)

    Saturday night he peed while I was changing him. It's been so long since he's done it that I forgot I should cover it up. I got all over the changing pad and the wall.

    I LOLed so hard I was crying and my wife had to finish the diaper change.

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