Please. Do NOT Provoke the Preggo.

Now that I’m at the tail-end of my pregnancy, I figured I’d let out a small rant. I think it’s warranted.

To begin, I’d like to make it crystal clear that I love being pregnant. I have loved each and every second of this pregnancy, even the morning sickness. Mostly because I didn’t have morning sickness badly with my first pregnancy, and we all know how that ended. I love my belly getting bigger. I love feeling Nellie move, even when she jabs me so hard it hurts or feels really strange. I love each and every moment that my little girl grows in my belly.
That being said, one of the things I could deal without in regards to pregnancy are the hormones. I haven’t had so much of the weepy ones (aside from the occasional commercial or movie) but boy, have I ever had the irritability. If I thought that 1st trimester irritability was bad.. Woo. I hadn’t seen ANYTHING yet.
Being pregnant seems to open you up to all sorts of random comments from strangers. I don’t know if people think they’re being helpful, or funny, or witty, or what but most often they are being obnoxious and ridiculous. There is something about the sight of a pregnant woman that makes normally smart people lose their brains for a temporary period of time, and think that certain things that should not be uttered are a great idea to blab directly to said pregnant woman. I will never understand why people think it’s OK to say such things when they know a woman is in a very delicate hormonal state; probably the most delicate hormonal state of her life.
So, here is a list of the things that have irked me most in my 3rd trimester:
  1. Demanding I choose my due date. For example:
    “When are you due?”
    “January 17th.”
    “Oh, you need to wait until January 22nd to have that baby. That’s when my son, little Junior So-and-So was born!”
    “Really. That’s great.”
    Honestly, people, I cannot squeeze my legs together and keep the baby in if she wants to come out. Nor can I jump up and down and shake myself like a Coke bottle until she erupts forth from my vagina like a mass of bubbles and fizz. This baby will come when she is ready.
  2. Repeatedly asking me when I am due, especially if I see you on a regular basis. I understand that not everyone is as invested in this pregnancy as my husband and I are. That goes without saying. But if I know you relatively well, and you ask me every single time you see me (which is weekly or more than once a week) when I’m due, I’m going to get tired of sounding like a broken record. I’m going to start making shit up, just to see if you’re paying attention. “FebuMarch 40th, 2010.” Another question that could set off a pregnant woman into a rage is, “When’s that baby gonna get here?” I swear, if I get asked that one more f-ing time, I’m going to lose it. How am I supposed to know when she’s going to be here, for crying out loud? My psychic abilities don’t kick in until I’m 30, sorry.
  3. Gawking at how big/small I am. You really cannot win with this, folks. It’s best when you see a pregnant woman to say, “Wow, you look wonderful!” I don’t need to hear that I’m huge, nor do I want to hear that I’m super small. I am aware that my belly has grown since you last saw me; that’s what happens when a woman is pregnant. The baby grows, and so does the woman’s belly. It’s been happening for thousands of years, so stop acting so shocked that I have a swollen tummy.
  4. Staring at me like I have three heads when I mention my birth/parenting style of choice. Or, giving me a sympathetic/condescending smile and tell me that “that’ll change”. Yes, I’m planning a natural childbirth. No, I’m not insane. Yes, I’m aware childbirth hurts. Oh, you had an epidural? That’s fantastic, good for you. Of course I’m aware that I may change my mind, but I’m going to try my best not to. Oh, you wanted a natural childbirth too but just couldn’t do it? I’m sorry, when did my life and yours become the same thing?
    No, we’re not planning on co-sleeping. I don’t care if it’s easier to breastfeed in the middle of the night. We’re not doing it. And stop looking at me with that LOOK and tell me to “wait and see, I’ll change my mind”. I’ll stick to my guns JUST TO PROVE YOU WRONG, because I am stubborn, so is my husband and THAT’S HOW WE ROLL.
  5. “When I was pregnant back in 1874” stories. I don’t care what was the breastfeeding style (or lack thereof), clothing style, parenting style, or childbirthing style when you were pregnant back in the Dark Ages. It’s 2009. Times have changed. Get over it.
  6. Making fun/poking jokes/openly criticizing my kid’s name. This one. Oooohhh, this one just makes my blood boil thinking about it. I’m aware that our name of choice is not run of the mill. Let me explain something. Nellie was my grandmother and she died when I was ten. I have wanted to name my first daughter Nellie pretty much since I was a teenager. I made this clear to my sibling, and all of my cousins: the name Nellie is MINE. I’ve had dibs for a long time. Upon hearing what we’re naming our daughter, I’ve mostly gotten a positive reception but I have gotten a few gems that made me want to fly off the handle and rage. Here are a few:
    “Nellie? Like that bitch from Little House on the Prairie?”
    “Nellie, huh? Are you gonna call her Nell, like that retard in that movie? HUH HUH.”
    “WHOA, NELLIE!”
    “Like the rapper?”

    And this one, readers.. Was my personal “favorite”. It happened just the other day while I was sitting at work, minding my own business. The following exchange occurred between me and a woman who works in the building I do.
    “Hey there Natalie, when’s that baby due?”
    *trying not to scream, as I’ve told this woman at least 5 times* “January 17th.”
    “And what are you gonna call it?”
    “HER name is Nellie Rose.”
    “You know she’s going to hate you for naming her that, right?”
    This is what I heard in my head, ya’ll:


    What I wanted to do was calmly grab the coffee cup sitting beside me, and lob it forcefully at her head until I heard a satisfying CLUNK. What I said was,
    “Well, she doesn’t have much of a say in the matter, does she?”
    The woman replied, “Oh I know it, but you just know that when she gets older she’s going to be like, ‘Mother! You gave me such a stupid name. It’s so old fashioned!'”
    URGE TO KILL. RISING. RISING. I’m not sure what it is about people making fun of
    Nellie’s name. I think, to me, it’s like making fun of her and that raises my hair on end and makes me feel like an angry lioness about to defend her cub. I seriously want to rage at anyone who have something negative to say about my little daughter’s name.

I know this post sounds really bitchy, hormonal and ranty but really… I’m 9 months pregnant, I’m tired, cranky, and deserve a good rant every now and again, damnit. Hopefully my fellow pregnant women (and people who have been in my shoes) will have gotten a good chuckle out of this. If you are suddenly frightened by your friendly internet blogger, please don’t be. Just set down something tasty for me to eat, slowly back away, and you’ll be fine.

Probably.

Comments

  1. A. I love the name Nellie (even more because I know the meaning behind it.) People questioned the name Claire, all the time!B. I know what you mean about the same people asking your due date, over and over and over again. It's one month and one number – it's really not that hard to remember!C. I got ALL the time – "you are SO big" "you are ready to pop, huh?". Thanks, I know I'm a whale!D. I never wanted to go natural but after I had to, I loved it! If you can get through the contractions, everything else is easy as pie! Try to go somewhere else during each contraction. It's hard but can be done!E.I give you a TON of credit for not co-sleeping. I never could have done it because I am overly paranoid and had to check Claire every 40 seconds to make sure she was breathing and not chocking… F. Come on Nellie..Illinois is SO ready for you to be here, especially Grandpa!

  2. Oh yes, people's comments toward pregnant women are oftentimes stupid and thoughtless. I've heard them all.Postpartum hormones are wild, let me tell you. Brace yourself. And you won't believe the shit that comes out of people's mouths once the baby is here – people will criticize your parenting, your child's appearance and behavior, and just about anything else they can think of that will hurt you as a mother.Don't be afraid to speak up & put people in their place. It becomes necessary.

  3. Stephanie says:

    Some people are such ignorant jerks! I can’t believe the things that some people choose to say to others with no regard. Hope you enjoy the rest of your pregnancy and for what it’s worth I think Nellie Rose is a pretty name!

  4. Oh man I am sitting at my desk at work trying not to laugh out loud and failing (not at you of course but the stupid things people say). My personal favorite so far is "you shouldn't tell people the name you have picked out yet that way they can't tell you they don't like it" Mind your own GD business if you don't like it don't speak. Didn't your parents raise you with any sense! Sorry about all the stupid people.

  5. Christina says:

    O M G This was me, just a few weeks ago! People seem to lose their minds when it comes to pregnant women, thinking they can say whatever they want!and ROFLMBO at "When I was pregnant back in 1874" It's like, seriously, things change. Research gets done, people try new things. Just cause it happened that way back THEN doesnt mean it's the way we have to do it now!

  6. OMG #'s 4-6 are totally me too!!! Especially the name situation!! I'm a little crazy about the name. When people ask what I plan on naming her and then just nod and say "oh" it makes me want to slap them! Seriously! I get CRAZY inside! I just want to be like, "Oh what's YOUR name??? Oh Jennifer?! (no offense to the jennifer's of the world) That's real original. I wish I had a name everyone else has". Man just typing this has my blood boiling. okay deep breath, I need to stop ranting. Anyway, I liked your list. I know how you feel!!Oh an another thing, I really hate it when people (and by people I mean my mom and husband) make comments on how much weight I've gained and how difficult it's going to be to get it off. How the EFF do they know how difficult it's going to be for ME! They are not ME! UGGGGHHHHHH!!! Leave me alone and let me be fat/pregnant and happy. Geez people.Okay I'm really done now. I need a nap.

  7. Chantal-A says:

    Nellie Rose is a beautiful name, and the fact that she will have her great-grandmother's firstname is so special in itself. Also, she will stand out in a group and will probably never have to share a name with 4 little girls in her class because her parents were "trendy"Congratulations on your blog, it is witty, inspirational and very well written. Your little one is very lucky to have such a creative mom:)

  8. B and Fs first baby says:

    Hehehe – GREAT posting!!You have every right to rant!I think I have been pretty lucky about comments, but I still have gotten them like yours. It's certainly an exercise in polite conversation…"Staring at me like I have three heads when I mention my birth/parenting style of choice. Or, giving me a sympathetic/condescending smile and tell me that "that'll change". "That one REALLY gets to me. We have some friends with kids and it's so annoying… PARTICULARLY when we (ok, I'll be VERY bitchy) see stuff they do which NO ONE thinks is helpful to raising kids. (ie, very little discipline; this poor kid gets so many mixed messages, it's amazing… and other stuff).Good rant and great posting! :)@Lindsey – hear, hear! My doctor isn't concerned with my weight and my sister hasn't been pregnant, so BACK OFF! There's not really anything I can do about it now!…

  9. oh, I think you just about summed up every rant every pregnant woman has ever felt. Anyone who has ever been pregnant feels your pain.As you know, I tried to go med-free and didn't quite make it all the way. One of my biggest surprises while pregnant was the reaction of women when I told them I was going natural. I was really shocked by the amount of negative comments from other women. But that's a topic for a whole 'nother blog.And yes, Nellie will occassionally get teased about her name because kids are cruel and she's not named Ava or Emma. But she will never have to be Nellie G. in class and, most important, she will always know her mother loves her and named her after someone else her mother loves dearly.BTW, I totally didn't even make the Little House on the Prairie connection until just now.

  10. Joanna Botelho says:

    Speak your mind mama! The name issue bothered me the most. I loved the name Jack…my own mother criticized it till even after he was born. "Make sure he's born on my birthday" issue…seriously people. I agree with Melissa….it does get worse after their born. People think they can criticize you on everything just cuz you're a new mother.Hang in there girl…you'll soon be holding your angel!

  11. Excellent blog entry – it so hits home in so many ways! BWT, I have to agree with Melissa – watch out for the post partum hormones. I was sooooo not prepared for how crazy they are!

  12. Barraza Twins says:

    I'm 8 months pregnant and I'm right there with you. People are SO RUDE! And they do ask the same questions over and over making you want to smack them or just turn around and ignore their meer existence. We have decided to stop telling people the names we are thinking of because it is getting harder not to scream at people. God forbid you do say something to rude people, because their response is, "Wow, pregancy has made you really mean." AAAAHHHH!

  13. stuckinleeds says:

    De-lurking to say, I think Nellie is a beautiful name. It's what I call my best friend, Danielle, and I think it's such a sweet, feminine name. I don't know if you're planning on a nickname, but Nell's so pretty, too. Congratulations and best wishes for the rest of your pregnancy!

  14. I can so identify with you on the irritability thing! I did NOT know I would be this randomly grump-tastic! ;-)You should have punched that dumb bitch in your office RIGHT IN THE FACE. No, really, I'm serious. Your ability to hold back the tongue-lashing is nothing short of amazing! She didn't deserve your restraint!!

  15. Hilarious and Oh so true. Hang in there girlie!

  16. I really needed your post today. We are due on Friday and I have reached the same point as you…I think I need to just hide away in my baby girl's nursery until she gets here for the world's sake and not mine! I get the same reactions about natural birth and not co-sleeping and I'm sick and tired of people telling me "oh, you just wait…etc" it drives me BONKERS and I want to bonk them on the head with my coffee cup too! I love reading your blog! Good luck in the next week or so!! Maybe our girls will be born on the same day! And by the way, I LOVE her name! =-)

  17. Worrybook says:

    I will never understand the nerve of people. Reading this post brought it all back. Relax and enjoy your final weeks as a preggo. Because after she's here people will start critiquing each parental move you make. 😉 Ha, I get criticized FOR co-sleeping. It goes every which way. You can't win. Everyone else is a better parent than you are and they like to let you know about it. I'm just now learning to smile and let it roll off my back.I can't believe your due date is so close. I'm looking forward to reading your updates once that sweet baby girl arrives.

  18. This is a great post. I LOL'ed a few times. Love the Kill Bill music. I don't know how you didn't rip that "You know she's going to hate you for naming her that, right?" lady's head off. Nellie Rose is a great name.I called my mother from the hospital to tell her my wife was in labor. The first thing she said to me was "tell her to wait until after midnight, then your son will have the same birthday as your father" Ummm…Thanks mom, I'll be sure to tell her that right away.

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