Two Weeks!

Nellie Rose is two weeks old today! Things I’m noticing about Nellie:

  • More alert
  • Smiling! (you can say it’s gas, I say it’s smiles.)
  • Holding her head up better
  • Eating like a madwoman (growth spurt?)

Here’s Nellie’s weekly video!

Two Weeks!

Nellie Rose is two weeks old today! Things I’m noticing about Nellie:

  • More alert
  • Smiling! (you can say it’s gas, I say it’s smiles.)
  • Holding her head up better
  • Eating like a madwoman (growth spurt?)

Here’s Nellie’s weekly video!

Letting Go

Breastfeeding.
It’s not for wimps.

So, call me a wimp.

It started out well. After our first appointment with the lactation consultant, Nellie was nursing like a champion. She was doing well, pooping like a pro and sleeping the entire 2 hour increments in between feedings. I wrote that blog post bragging about what an easygoing baby I had.

Then Friday happened, and the shit hit the fan. Nellie cried on and off all day. She never seemed satisfied after eating, and by the evening I was in tears. In my desperation to fill her up, I gave her a bottle of soy formula… And off to Sleepy Town she went. I felt like a failure. Like I was throwing in the towel. But what was I supposed to do when my baby daughter was screaming from hunger, and my poor milkers just couldn’t keep up? I had to swallow my pride and feed my child. The first time I gave her a bottle it felt so wrong. I felt guilty; like I was feeding my kid rat poison or something. And yet, when she’d fill her diaper immediately and pass out following a formula feeding I couldn’t help but admit that my milk just wasn’t up to par.

I’ve gotten endless comments of support, assuring me that the first weeks are the hardest.. Don’t give up! You can do it! I’ve gotten advice on how to increase your supply, herbs to take, tricks to try. I swung by our local organic grocery store and got some Fenugreek. I reek of maple syrup. And still, today Nellie was hungry. I am downing an obscene amount of water, and taking my Fenugreek… And still, my daughter cries.

So today, I made a decision. It’s one that was hard for me, because I wanted to breastfeed. I felt like an absolute failure; like a quitter. The decision I came to was this: I am going to feed my daughter breastmilk and formula. She isn’t getting enough from the breast, and I don’t know if taking bottles is confusing her and causing her to not latch properly… So I’m pumping my breastmilk, feeding her that from a bottle and if she’s still hungry she will get some formula. I felt so horrible when I made this decision until I fed Nellie some breastmilk, and then some formula and she was my sweet, happy baby once again… And then I realized something. This breastfeeding thing is special, yes.. But my baby is more special. She is far more important than some pride issue I have. Her health and happiness far outweigh my desire to be Breastfeeder Extraordinaire. When she is hungry, she gets frustrated and cries. It makes me cry. We are both sobbing on the couch together… So I am feeding my daughter the best way I know how. Maybe someone else could have stuck it out; worked and worked until their supply was up to par… But I want my daughter to be full.

So, bye-bye, breastfeeding. It was fun while it lasted, and maybe I’ll see you again with another kid when I’m a little more used to this “mommy” thing.