My First Mommy Fail

Nellie was born with talons. I’m serious. Her nails were longer than mine at birth. She even managed to scratch her own face upon eviction.. Kid’s got talent.

Needless to say after watching her scratch herself several times a few days after birth, I had to get down and dirty with the dreaded nail clippers. I sat with her on our glider and with fear and trepidation, I took her tiny hand in mine and got to work. It took me a while, but I successfully clipped her nails to where she wouldn’t scratch herself anymore. Success!

……This kid must be getting sneaking calcium supplements, because just a few short days later, the claws were back and she was right back to scratching and sticking her fingers in her eyes (why do they do that? What the heck? That CAN’T be comfortable.) so with a sigh, I decided it was time to get those scratchers clipped again. I put her in her swing (turned the swing off, of course. It’s hard enough to see those baby nails without having to hit a moving target) and waited until she fell asleep. Then I crept in front of her, grasped her bitty little baby hand and got to clippin’.

The first hand went fine. She didn’t even stir. I clipped those little nails with a deft and expert hand. Confidently, I moved onto her other hand. She wrapped her sweet, tiny little fingers around my one and my heart oozed with love (seriously ya’ll, little babies wrapping all of their fingers around your one is just amazing.. Even moreso if it’s YOUR kid doing it). I carefully got to work and was having success once again.

Then I got to the thumbnail. I grasped her finger, positioned the clipper and beared down.

Nellie’s eyes flew open, her lower lip stuck out and her face screwed up. She opened her mouth and sucked in several breaths and began to BAWL. And this wasn’t an, “I’m hungry”, “I’m pooping”, or “You’ve got a lot of nerve putting me down in my cradle and expecting me to sleep” cry. No, if I ever wondered what the cry of a pained baby sounded like, I didn’t have to wonder any longer. I had just pinched the shit out of my daughter’s finger, ya’ll. I threw the clippers aside, grabbed my baby and pulled her to me. She was sobbing, I was crying and apologizing profusely. “I’m so sorry, baby! I’m so sorry!” I wailed as she whimpered and sniffed. I felt like the World’s Worst Mother, guys. I know I’m not the first one to do this and I won’t be the last, but ya’ll… I had just inflicted pain on my daughter. Accidentally or not, I caused my sweet tiny baby girl pain. One of the people she trusts in most in this world! Me! Her mother! It was awful. I was able to calm her down relatively quickly but every time I look at her thumb there is an angry little red mark to remind me of my Mommy Fail.

Oh, my heart. This mommy thing isn’t easy ya’ll, when they cry from pain it feels like someone’s ripping your heart out of your chest and rubbing it over a cheese grater that’s covered in lemon juice. It’s even worse when you are the cause of their pain. Ugh!