My Promise

I’m typing this about to embark on a magical journey.

My husband is home from work tonight and as a result of working a 12 hour night shift on his “on days”, he is staying up with the baby. I’ve requested at LEAST five hours of solid, uninterrupted, baby-free sleep… And I’m looking forward to it. So much.
Nellie’s been calmer tonight. I’ve realized that I have lost my cool too many times with her (don’t worry, I of course have not hurt her nor been tempted to in any way but I have bursted out into sobbing fits right along with her and been less than cool and collected) and my patience has been worn to a frazzle. I watched her sleep peacefully on her father tonight, and my heart filled with love and regret, too. This child deserves nothing but love, and to know how much she is loved all of the time. She doesn’t deserve frustrated words and tones, pleads to stop crying and sighs of exasperation. She deserves soft voices, rocking, cuddling and patience. She is an infant; not even 21 days old. She’s going to get tired, she’s going to get frustrated and she’s going to cry. That’s where I come in as a mother.. It’s my job to soothe her, not to stress her out even more.
So here’s my promise to Nellie.
Baby girl, I promise to do my absolute best to try and understand where you are coming from. I swear to you, when I get frustrated and feel like the world is crashing down around me I will hold you that much closer, soothe you and together we will get through the hard times. Even if it’s 2 AM and neither of us have slept all day… I swear to you, I will work on my patience so we can both rest easier.
I promise that you will know nothing but love from me and I will show you I love you every single day. I am so blessed to have you in my life, and I don’t want to take a single second for granted. You’ve already grown and changed so much. Time is flying by like a speeding bullet. It’s frightening how fast the past three weeks have gone.
I am going to work on getting these crazy hormones under control. It’s not easy to keep a level head when it’s 2 AM, I’m exhausted and you’re screaming for no apparent reason.. But I’m going to try, love. I swear to you.
I want you to know beyond a shadow of a doubt how much I love you, and how much you enrich my life.. Even when I’m frustrated and ready to cry right along with you.. You are my world, baby daughter. My entire world.