Blogging Authentically

Essentially, I’ve been blogging for almost ten years. It all started with LiveJournal, which I still am a part of but have neglected in favor of this lil’ blog here. I began documenting my silly little 17 year old life (JFC, was 17 really nine effing years ago? WHAT THE ACTUAL FUCK) in 2001 on LJ. I look back on my posts and they are filled with ramblings about my love for Pink Floyd’s “The Wall”, eating ramen noodles and obsessing over my boyfriend. And things like “Today, I went to the mall. It was boring. The end.”
Cool story, bro.

It’s interesting to go through the evolution of my LJ. I go back at random times and read random entries from over the years, marveling at how far I’ve come and how much has changed in my life. It takes me back to a time and place where I blogged just to blog. I didn’t worry about the popularity of said blog, the followers I had or if I was getting enough hits a day. I’ve been feeling really insecure about this blog lately, like I have nothing interesting to say and no one really cares about it anyhow. I have been stressing myself out because I feel like I can’t play with the “big blog kids” (AKA, bloggers that I think are very funny and talented and whom I’m convinced don’t feel the same about me). I feel like I’m always standing on tiptoe waving my arms and saying, “Look at me! I’m funny! Really! I want to play too!” Sometimes I feel when people Tweet back @ me they’re just indulging me to be sweet. “Oh, go play with that kid and make them feel better.”
I have been wracking my brain trying to think of what to write that will be touching, funny, poignant or different and I think I’ve lost the spirit of why I started blogging in the first place:

To write. As an outlet for my words; one that doesn’t have to be perfect. I don’t need to stress out if my vocabulary isn’t vast and impressive, or if I use the word EFF EFF EFF a lot. One of the things I love about blogging is the freedom it gives you to express yourself. What other outlet of writing can one use where you can SPONTANEOUSLY GO INTO A RANT IN ALL CAPS and people will still love you for it? Yeah.

I am proud of myself for taking this blog as far as it’s come so far. This space started merely as a place for me to write out some feelings about our miscarriage. I never dreamed that I’d get as many followers or become immersed so deeply into the “momblog” world. Don’t get me wrong, I love it and I love the fact that I’ve found a way to make a small amount of money (VERY small amount) doing something that I adore. But it’s so damned competitive, and I find myself feeling so effing insecure and unsure of myself. Some days, I will get several wonderful comments and positive feedback up the wazoo and I get so excited, like I’m finally “Making It”. Other days I feel like I’m tapping a microphone and asking a silent crowd, “Is this thing on?”

So I think I’m gonna try and stress less and let my actual self shine through more on this blog. I did long ago; before I got a lot of followers and really “came out” of the blogging closet. I wonder if maybe some of the uncertainty I’m having is because I realize that I’m trying way too damn hard. I just need to sit back, relax and remember the spirit of my blog. Yes, this blog is about my daughter. It’s about giving a little bit of hope to women who are trudging down the road that I did. But it’s also about ME and my life OUTSIDE of being a mother. I always said that I was HELLBENT on NOT becoming one of those women whose identities get lost when they become moms. I am Nellie’s Mom, yes and it is the greatest job I’ve ever had but that is not the only aspect of who I am.

I like to say fuck a lot, I speak almost entirely in movie/TV quotes and I’m usually the girl that gets odd looks from other women when I’m in a big group. I don’t do a lot of makeup, and I could give a rat’s ass about hair accessories. I’m the girl who will laugh out loud at completely inappropriate times and situations. I love vampire books, but not ones about vampires that fucking sparkle. The Beatles are my first musical love. I’m Natalie, and I’m a blogaholic. Oh, and I make Guitar Hero my bitch.

Wait, is Guitar Hero still cool?

Hm.

I do have to say though, I have someone very, very exciting and special coming up as a guest blogger here. I lost my shit when she said yes to my proposal, because she’s a blogger I look up to. Stay tuned, she’ll be stopping on by next week!

As always, thank you for reading. You guys rock my world.

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Nellie’s Favorite Things: A Photo Story

You won’t find raindrops on roses, or whiskers on kittens. No bright copper kettles, or warm woolen mittens. Brown paper packages, tied up with string? No…. These are a few of Nellie’s favorite things.



Naptime with paci

And bathtime with duckie



A Guardian Fox makes this baby girl lucky




Watching her mobile with butterfly wings….

Those are a few of her favorite things.

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Can I get to #1? Vote for me at Top Mommy Blogs to help! Just click the button above this text, enter the site and your vote is cast! Thank you!