Frisky Friday – The Cupid Rocker Rabbit





For my new readers, here’s the deal with Frisky Friday. On the last Friday of every month, I post a review for an adult-oriented product. I usually post a disclaimer that if this sort of thing makes you uncomfortable, I advise you to just skip past this post. I try not to be explicit while still being descriptive, but if the nature of this post makes you feel wonky feel free to skip. You can always tell it’s a Frisky Friday post by the title, and by the image above.

Alright ya’ll, remember what I said about this image last time? If you don’t want to know about my bedroom escapades, lube, or things that go buzz in the night, skip this post. Because it’s time for another FRISKY FRIDAY!!!!

***********************************

This Friday I’m reviewing Cupid’s Rocker Rabbit. Brace yourselves…………….

YEAH. This thing scared the shit out of me when I took it out of the box. This is the first “fancy” vibrator I’ve ever had. All the others I’ve had were either dinky little magic bullets or just plain ole’ vibrators. This one’s got like, buttons, and dials, and a frigging launch code and shit. And if I thought I was scared by just LOOKING at it, I still had to turn the damn thing on..

But I’m getting ahead of myself. First, let’s get the technical stuff out of the way.

Material/Texture:

  • Material: TPR
  • Texture: Smooth
  • Safety features: Phthalates free / Hypo-allergenic / Latex free

Design/Shape/Size:

  • Length: 9 1/2″
  • Insertable length: 4 1/2″
  • Circumference: 5 1/4″
  • Diameter: 1 5/8″
  • Clitoral attachment shape: Rabbit
  • Weight: 0.5 lb

Functions/Performance/Controls:

  • Functions: Rotating / Vibrating
  • Special Features:
    Multifunction
    Multispeed
  • Control type: Built in control pad
  • Powered By: Aa-4

Right, then. There’s that. So! Onto the review.

Now, I don’t have quite as much of a story to go along with this one as I did the last, because this is a “solo item”. This one was for me to use, though I did have an audience as you will find out while reading this review.

So when we got this thing home, my husband managed to steal batteries from somewhere in the house and load them into this thing faster than I could say “adult toy“. I walked into the bedroom after putting the baby down for a nap to find him standing there clutching it in his hand and giving me the sexy eyes.
“I see you found the rabbit.” I said.
With a waggle of the eyebrows, he turned it on and it immediately jumped to action. And I jumped in fear. The little ball bearing-things started rotating, the head was spinning like the chick’s head in the Exorcist, and the little rabbit and its’ ears were buzzing away merrily. I wondered how I was ever going to be able to use that thing on my lady parts without
A: breaking down into hysterical laughter or
B: being afraid it was going to drill a hole through my body.

We didn’t get to use it right then and there because – surprise surprise – someone woke prematurely from her nap. But I swear to you, HE was more eager to see me use this thing that I was to use it on myself.

A few days later we finally got the opportunity to give it a whirl. We both got on the bed, him where he could “see the show” so to speak and I went to work.
Remember how I said I didn’t think I would make it through without hysterically laughing?
Uh, yeah. Nothing funny about this thing. In fact, there was very little laughter. In FACT, there were different noises entirely coming from me once I started using it, if you catch my drift.

Without going into too much detail here, this thing’s frigging amazing. Noisy as hell, but frigging amazing. The clitoral stimulator is perfect; not too much, but just enough (and it has a dial for you to control the intensity) and those little rotating ball bearing things? Uh, awesome. There’s also a dial to control how fast those rotate, and another dial where you can make them rotate in the other direction. It sounds complicated, but I promise it’s not. I’m pretty sure I’m spoiled from ever using a “plain ole vibrator” ever again. One with just a clitoral stimulator just isn’t gonna cut it from here on out; I’m gonna have to always own one of these big’uns, or something similar to this one.

Pros:

– It feels good. Like, really good.
-It’s pretty easy to clean.

Cons:

-It’s loud.
-Kind of bulky.

This rabbit sells for $45.99 and it’s worth every penny. Ladies, if you do not own a vibrator.. You really need to. Every girl should have one. If you’re intimidated, embarrassed or scared, don’t be. If you think your hubby is going to not be into a vibrator, or intimidated you may be surprised. Watching you use one of these could be one of the biggest turn-ons he’ll ever find!!

So this vibrator gets two thumbs – and a toe – up. Way up!

I was given the opportunity to review this product because of my participation in EdenFantasys‘ review program. I received no monetary compensation and was given this product for review purposes. The opinions expressed in this post are entirely honest and my own.


Mommy and Nellie: A Love Story

We Found a Witch, May We Burn Her?





The Baby Gap Hussy

Let me tell you all about the time that a woman from Baby Gap tried to steal my husband.


Pretty much while I was standing right there.

Her name was “B”, and she was a Big Fat Hussy.

Her name isn’t really “B”, but I didn’t wanna name names on here. Let’s just say she shares the name of my husband’s first doggie.

We were at the mall one day, strolling with Nellie. I don’t remember how old she was.. Probably 8 to 9 weeks old. I needed to look for some gifts for the girls in my quartet and I wanted to go into a particular store. Josh had no interest in said store (plus, it’s a small space and the stroller would have gotten in the way) so he walked on without me. I briefly perused the selection and quickly saw there was nothing of interest to me and I left. I walked a little ways down the mall and saw Josh headed into Baby Gap, so I went that way. I turned into the store and saw him near the back, where the baby girl clothes are.

And then I saw… B. She was making a beeline directly for him. She practically had, “ZOMG A SINGLE MAN WITH A BABY CHANGE MY PANTIES NOW” branded on her forehead. With a smirk, I sauntered back toward my husband and daughter, ready to burst this girl’s bubble with a satisfying “POP”. As I made my way, I heard her cooing at Josh with a flirty, syrupy tone.
“Ohhhh, she’s SO adorable,” said B.
I couldn’t have picked a better moment. I slid next to Josh, wrapped my arm around him, lovingly looked down at my daughter and then directly back up at B.
“Thank you!” I chirped.
I was pretty much the epitome of a cock block, except, you know. B’s a chick.
Briefly, her face fell as she looked from me to my daughter, whose hair color matches mine exactly and who shares the dimple in the chin. She quickly remembered herself and smiled.
“Let me know if you need anything.”
She passed Josh a lingering look and at this point, I was still pretty amused.

We perused the selection of clothes a bit longer, chuckling and making quiet jokes about the failed attempts of B at wooing my husband. We picked Nellie something from the rack and made our way back up to the register. As we approached, B’s gaze locked upon my husband again and she gave him – HIM, not US – a radiant smile.

My smugness dial went WAY down, and my “BITCH THAT’S MY MAN” meter went WAY UP.

It was exactly like this, except the skirt I was wearing was blue and not green.

“Did you find everything you were looking for?” she asked him – HIM, NOT US.
“Yes,” I said. “This is everything.” She gave me a dismissive smile, and rang up our purchase.
“She’s just precious,” she said. “How old is she?” looking directly at Josh while she spoke.
“She’s almost 9 weeks old,” I chimed in forcefully. Dismissive smile from B.

She bagged our items, and pulled the receipt from the machine.
“There’s a survey on here,” she said. “If you take it within the next (blahblah) days, you register for a chance to win blahblah amount of dollars and a pony.” (okay, I’m making the pony part up.)
I nodded and reached for the receipt.
“I’m going to write my name on the top of the receipt here, so if you need anything at all, don’t hesitate to come back and ask for me.”
And then she pulled out a pen, wrote her name in big, bubbly letters, and then circled it. SHE CIRCLED IT. SHE MIGHT AS WELL WRITTEN A BIG, FAT, SPARKLY HEART AROUND IT TOO, and a note that said “FOR A GOOD TIME, CALL B”.


OH YES SHE DID, RANDOM 50s WOMAN. YES SHE DID.

I just stared at her as she looked at Josh and smiled, and then I took the receipt. We left the Baby Gap, me in a state of shock and Josh in a state of “HELLS YEAH I AM THE MAN”. I glared over my shoulder to see B folding a stack of clothes.

“I can NOT believe she just did that!”
“Did what?” Josh asked, still smugly basking in the glow of being so brazenly hit on.
“She just hit on you DIRECTLY IN FRONT OF ME.”
“Heh heh.. Yeah, she kinda did.”

Now every time we pass Baby Gap in the mall, Josh walks a little taller and I swear to you, has a swagger in his step.. Just in case his ravenous, frothing, hussy admirer is watching.

And as for me? Well.. Let’s just say that I’m considering carrying around a squirt bottle so the next time she pounces, I can yell, “NO!” and squirt her with it.

DON’T MESS WITH MY MAN, BIATCH.

Earth Mama, Angel Baby Giveaway Part 2

The second part of my EMAB giveaway is for mamas who have experienced the worst possible kind of loss there is:

The loss of a baby.

I am not reviewing any of the products contained in what I am giving away, but the thing that I’m reviewing is relevant to a woman’s needs after the loss of a little one. EMAB sent me one more products to review.

The Healing Hearts Hot Pack

Healing Hearts Hot Pack

From the Website:
“Filled with calming lavender blossoms and rice, the
Healing Heart Hot Pack eases cramping and is a comfort to hold close.”

I would have appreciated this when I had my miscarriage. It’s very soft, and it’s a sweet little hot pack.. Nothing can take away the emotional pain of losing a baby, but during my miscarriage I had some pretty bad cramps and this would have helped ease the physical a little bit. As it is now, I use it during my period. I really like snuggling up with it, and a cup of tea and it really does ease the pain of cramps quite a bit.

When I spoke to Julie with Earth Mama, Angel Baby we agreed that two giveaways were a good idea; one to celebrate my sweet daughter Nellie, and one to remember the baby we lost, and to reach out to others who may have felt, or are feeling, the same pain that I did.

Now, I know that you can’t plan for needing a kit like this.. And I honestly wish that no one DID need a kit like this. Julie suggested giving away the Healing Hearts Comfort Kit, which I thought was a great idea.

From the Website:

“The Healing Hearts Comfort Kit is a caring bereavement or baby loss gift for a grieving mother. Filled with natural herbal products to soothe an aching body and an aching heart. Harmony Tea is a mineral rich, balancing, cramp-easing blend of USDA Certified 100% Organic & Certified Kosher herbs. Seeds of Hope are easily sown, organic herbal calendula seeds to nurture hope and caring.

The Light of My Heart Candle is a clean burning soy votive aromatherapy candle, enhanced with a special blend of comforting pure essential oils. Healing Heart Mist blends pure essential oils traditionally used to ease sadness and soothe spirits.”

The Healing Heart Comfort Kit includes:

  • Harmony Tea
  • Seeds Of Hope
  • Light Of My Heart Candle
  • Healing Heart Mist

I didn’t review any of the items in the kit, but I can honestly say I would have been touched to my core if someone had gotten this for me while I was recovering from our loss. The gesture alone would have been enough, but the thoughtful gifts inside the kit would have been so welcomed.

Part of me hopes that I don’t get many entries to this giveaway, because dealing with the loss of a baby is such a terrible thing to have to endure.

I’m taking the tone of this giveaway way down, obviously. I’m going to make entries very easy; very simple. Here is how you can win the kit:

  • Tell me the story of your angel baby. I don’t need any gory details; I just want to know any special memory you may have about your sweet baby. I understand that it’s a very personal and sad thing to go through so if that’s too difficult on you emotionally, so if you’d like to win the kit but don’t want to talk about your loss just now, simply tweet about the giveaway – including the URL of the giveaway and my name (@karmapearl) and post the link to your Tweet.
  • If this kit is for a friend and not for you personally, tell me as much of their story as you know. Again, if you’d rather not post about them just Tweet about the giveaway and then post the link here.

I will close the giveaway on Monday, May 31st.

Monday Melodies – Guilty Pleasures


I consider myself to have pretty good taste in music… Doesn’t everyone? Most of the bands I like are universally accepted as “good”. You may not like all of them, but many of them you can’t argue with the fact that they make good music, even if it’s not your cup of tea.

Well, I’m going to share a few songs that I’m a little ashamed to admit that I like. Guilty pleasure songs of mine, if you will. I’m not ashamed of ALL of them, but some of them.. Well.

I’ll just let you see for yourself.

All the Right Moves, OneRepublic
I jam the hell OUT to this song when it comes on it the car. I can NOT explain why I love this song so effing much but I will BLAST this song when it comes on.

Alejandro, LadyGaga
I love me some Lady GaGa. I actually think that she is CRAZY talented, and this is another one that I blast in the car.

Bed Rock, Young Money
Okay, I’m a little ashamed to admit that I like this song. Because.. Come on. It’s ridiculous. But I blast the hell out of this one in the car. I don’t know what it is!!!! I love this song.

I think this last one is my ultimate shame.

*hangs head*

DON’T JUDGE ME.

So what about you? What are your guilty pleasure songs?

Earth Mama, Angel Baby Giveaway Part 1 WINNER!

Thanks to everyone who participated in the giveaway. The winner of the “A Little Something for Baby” is….

Megan at The Adventures of a New Mom!

Now, since I installed Disqus I have no way of numbering my comments, so I had to enter everyone’s entries onto a spreadsheet. I started from the BOTTOM comments (because those were the ones entered FIRST) and worked my way up.

I’m not real happy about doing it that way but I can’t think of any other method. If ya’ll have some suggestions, please holler at me!

Thanks to all who played. I’ll have another one up tomorrow.

Better Homes & Garden FAIL: The Anti-Public Breastfeeding Comment

I’m not sure if you’ve heard, but this woman named Heather at Better Homes and Gardens recently published a blog entitled “The 10 Commandments of Dining with Little Kids”.

From her opening lines, this article screams, “I HAVE NO CHILDREN!“:

“Let me be clear: I am not anti-kid. I adore children in all their lovable, spontaneous, energetic glory. However, in recent years, I’ve noticed a pronounced blurring of the boundaries between “adult world” and “kid world”, especially when it comes to dining out. Those seeking romantic, contemplative dining may find themselves irked by erstwhile tots in a refined restaurant — but I don’t think anyone is ready to institute a kid ban. Really, we can all get along…”

Okay, first of all, what a way to start your article by putting any reader who may have children on the defensive. “Adult world” and “kid world?” Really? Last time I checked, WE ALL SHARE THE SAME SPACE, YOU IDIOT.

Some of the things she says are big, fat, no-brainers for parents. A lot of them are good points. What I have a problem with (besides the breastfeeding comment) is the overall tone of the article.

Here is her gem of an article:

With this in mind, BHG.com offers our ten commandments for kids in upscale restaurants — gentle reminders for parents and non-parents alike — as well as kid-friendly recipes for creating your own restaurant experience at home.

THOU SHALT NOT BLOCK TRAFFIC WITH BULKY STROLLERS
Strollers have begun to overtake cars and wristwatches as conspicuous status symbols. You may be proud of your double-wide Maclaren, but be sure not to leave it jutting out in a place where waiters and other patrons might trip over in transit.

Leave the stroller at home and indulge your family with this melty, tasty Chicken and Cheese Panini.

THOU SHALT NOT ORDER A 10-COURSE TASTING MENU WITH KIDS UNDER 10
Kids, as we all know, have kid-sized attention spans. Attempting to make them sit still while you enjoy a world-renowned chef’s esoteric, glacially-paced tasting menu isn’t going to be a pleasant experience for anyone.

For a fast meal your kids will still savor, whip up this Quick Crunchy Chicken Dinner.


THOU SHALT NOT TREAT YOUR SERVER LIKE A SITTER

Your server is there to accommodate you, but customer service has its limits. While most waiters are happy to engage and amuse your little one, it’s bad form to delegate your child-minding duties to the person taking your sea bass order.

Let your kids serve themselves with our Best Yummy Mexican Meals.

THOU SHALT NOT BREAST FEED AT THE TABLE
Yes, I have seen table-side breast feeding at a four-star restaurant. If at all possible, take it to the ladies room. (Note: most upscale restaurants have really nice restrooms!)

If you’re breastfeeding, you likely want to cook something quick, easy, and protein-rich; we love this Speedy Bow Tie Pasta Dinner.

THOU SHALL FEEL FREE TO ORDER “KID FOOD” OFF THE MENU
Most restaurants are happy to provide kid-friendly cuisine, so don’t hesitate to ask, just keep in mind you may experience sticker shock (e.g., $23 for pasta with butter)

For a filling and savory twist on basic spaghetti, try these hearty Filled Pasta Entrees.

THOU SHALL NOT TURN DINNER INTO A PHOTOSHOOT
It’s exciting to see your little one all dressed up at the table, and special occasions and birthdays are naturally conducive to photos, but overzealous documentation with flash photography, flip-cams, and camcorders can be distracting to fellow diners.

Say “cheese” with these ten tasty Macaroni and Cheese recipes.

THOU SHALT NOT BRING NOISY TOYS
It’s wise to bring a few of your kid’s favorite toys for their amusement but try not to bring excessively loud games and bleep-blooping electronic toys — or at least be sure there’s a volume-off button.

Keep their hands busy with a finger-food meal, such as this tasty Buffalo Wing Dinner.

THOU SHALL TRY TO QUELL HIGH-PITCHED SCREAMING
Unexpected tantrums and outbursts are a fact of life, but when a parent sits stoically as their child screams without any intervention, the mood of the room can quickly turn from convivial to incredulous to profoundly irritated.

They’ll be screaming with joy for these homemade Mini Pizzas With Pizazz.

THOU SHALT NOT ALLOW FREE-RANGE KIDS
When you let your child run free in the restaurant, it’s not only disruptive to other diners, but it could be a safety hazard: Restaurants are full of hot plates and sharp cutlery, and kids underfoot could cause a major disaster.

Keep them planted happily in their seats with this zesty, crunchy Skillet Tostada Dinner.

THOU SHALL CALMLY DISCOURAGE FOOD FIGHTS
Ah, the food fight. The epitome of fun at summer camp and grade school cafeterias — less so at Michelin-starred eateries. If the food starts flying, quietly and firmly put an end to it.

And if your kids politely make their way through the meal without incident, treat them to a well-deserved Dessert treat.

******************

So, clearly, everyone is screaming for this author’s head over the “take it to the bathroom” comment. Yes, it’s completely and utterly inappropriate and insensitive. How would YOU like to eat your dinner in the bathroom, you pompous wench? Go ahead, take your chicken finger basket, sit on the toilet and see how appetizing that is.

That “commandment” is bad enough. The entire article reeks of “holier than thou because I don’t have kids” attitude. I was seriously offended by this shit, and surprised that BH&G approved it for publishing. Let me make myself perfectly clear:

We take our child out in public to eat. Why? Because being a parent is fucking stressful, and we deserve a damn night out. Even if it means hauling the baby with us, which we are more than happy to do. You know why? Because she has just as much of a right to be in public at a restaurant as you, Ms. High and Mighty. Of course children need to obey certain rules and act a certain way in public; that goes without saying. But as for “not turning dinner into a photoshoot” or “not bringing noisy toys?” I’m sorry, but you can kiss my effing ass. I will take as many pictures of my child as I want to. And I will bring her toys that make her happy if I so choose. Again – YOU DON’T OWN THIS EFFING PLANET, AND SHE HAS A RIGHT TO BE HERE TOO.

This woman is so ridiculously out of line for writing this article, and if you go to the original article here:

The 10 Commandments

I think you’ll see that most everyone agrees with me. Go ahead and visit the link, and speak your mind about what YOU think about this sorry excuse for writing. Obviously some of the things on the list are no brainers: don’t use your waiter as a sitter, try and reign in a tantrum ASAP (even if it means carrying your babe outside until he/she calms down), and one I partially agree with is the “don’t block the way with a stroller” comment. Yes, it’s rude to put your stroller in the way but you know what? I’m not going to NOT bring my stroller into a restaurant. I’ll fold it up and do my best to keep it out of the way, but I’m not going to NOT bring it and just “Leave the stroller at home and indulge your family with this melty, tasty Chicken and Cheese Panini.”

You know what, Heather W. from Better Homes and Gardens? Maybe YOU’RE the one who should just stay home and try the tasty meals that you so “helpfully” suggested and let us annoying parents burden the “adult world” with our little ones. Or maybe you should just remove the GIGANTIC STICK FROM YOUR ASS.

I think that’s a better plan, don’t you?

TGIF


Nellie Rose – 17 Weeks

*fanfare*

I found batteries for the camera! We can post our weekly video again! *happydance*

So, what’s been going on with Very Angry Badger lately? TONS.

  • LAUGHING. Like, REAL, LEGITIMATE, LAUGHING. She laughed for me Monday after I got home from work and I almost imploded from the excitement.
  • She now gets cereal in her bottle in the mornings and right before bed. She is tolerating it beautifully; we have had zero problems and a lot less spit-up to speak of.
  • I’ve also started giving her just little teeeeensy tastes of things we are eating every now and again. Nothing she can chew; just little licks of a popsicle, or a lemon. I know people are probably going to spaz out on me for this, but I think it’s fine. So… Nyah! 😉
  • HOLY SLEEP REGRESSION, BATMAN. Seriously. For the past few weeks she’s been doing fantastically.. Going down at night and sleeping for 4-6 hours for the first stretch, up for a bottle, back down for 3-4 hours, up around 7-7:30 AM. Now? Up every 2-3 hours. Sometimes less. Fighting naps like you would not believe. Fighting bedtime LIKE YOU WOULD NOT BELIEVE.
  • Drooling like a madwoman. Maybe the beginnings of teething? Lord help me.
  • Grabs stuff, and gets it into her mouth MOST of the time.

We have a new wrap that I can’t wait to try out, and it’s one that you’ll be able to win in a giveaway happening in a few short weeks!

Okay so here’s Nellie’s video, and I must make note of a few things.
1. I look like hammered butt that’s been run over four times with an eighteen wheeler.
2. I have some WEIRD ASS ROCKADOODLE HAIR going on from hastily throwing my hair back in a ponytail, I’m not real sure what the hell is up with that, but it’s like there’s a shark fin on top of my head.

I debated re-recording the video, but the material is so fun I just said “screw it, they’ll just see me with my rooster hair” and decided to upload it. So don’t make TOO much fun of me, because I bet at least a few of you have Rockadoodle hair right now. DON’T EVEN LIE.