*vomits*

Ya’ll get two blog posts from me today, because this matter is SERIOUS FRIGGING BUSINESS.

My cat Mungo jumped up on the bed and I was loving on him when I felt a bump. I was like, “Aw, you have a scab.” Then I noticed little black flecks, like flea dirt. I thought it was a scab from him scratching at a flea (or nine). I just dosed both cats with Advantage less than a week ago.

So I go to push aside his fur to take a gander and I see something move.

HOLD THE EFFING PHONE.

WHAT THE HELL IS THAT.

I push the fur back and touch the moving scab

AND I REALIZE THAT IT’S A TICK.

FFFFFMMMMMMMMLLLLLLLLLLL

So I flip my shit and jump off the bed and start squealing like a total girl. My husband opens one eye and looks at me sleepily, wondering what the hell’s wrong with me.

“THECATHASATICKONITWHATDOIDO”

“Pull it out.”

“I TOUCHED IT. LYME DISEASE”

“….A tick has to bite you before you can get Lyme Disease.”

“LYMMMEEE DIIISSEEASSEE”

So I get a tissue and start trying to get a grip on the tick. I almost vomit all over my cat I’m so squicked out. I proceed to carry on and squeal and finally find some balls. I go get my tweezers (which I’M NEVER USING AGAIN) and drag my poor cat into the bathroom. I hold him down and he starts doing that low, growly meow at me when I start poking around the tick. I apologize, try and choke back my vomit, and pull the offending insect out of the cat’s skin.

It comes out easily enough. I shriek and throw it in the toilet.

I run out here and promptly lose my mind all over Twitter, Facebook, and here.

SERIOUSLY, PEOPLE. LYME. DISEASE. IT HAPPENS. I am SO PARANOID now that BOTH my cats are INFESTED with ticks, and me and my entire family ARE GOING TO GET LYME DISEASE.

I don’t think I’m going to sleep tonight.

UUUUUUUUUUGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHH.

OMG, do ticks lay eggs like fleas??? IS MY HOUSE GOING TO BECOME OVERRUN WITH TICKS NOW? I’m going to have to move away, aren’t I? FML.