Welcome to day three of the Back to Blogging challenge! To catch up, here is Day One and Day Two. Today’s post is to re-post an old entry that I’ve written that has a title that I’m particularly proud of. I scrolled through my old posts and found the perfect one. It’s not cute, or heartwarming, or particularly poignant but it is funny, and I’m pretty sure you can figure out the content of the post just from the title. Without further ado, I give you a post that I wrote on October 27th, 2009 titled…
The Curious Case of My Vanishing VaJayJay
So…… This may be a little much, but honestly when I became pregnant, after all the TTC lingo I exchanged with ladies via message boards, TMI doesn’t really exist for me anymore so here it goes.
I can no longer see my crotch.
It’s true. I don’t remember what inspired me even thinking to look, but after much glancing, twisting and turning and other various methods of contortion that are usually best left to small acrobatic circus performers, I confirmed that I can no longer see my crotch. It’s gone. Vanished. Out of my sight.
I tried to pull my belly out of the way, except the thing is – my belly won’t, like, move anymore. It just… Is there. All the time. I tried bending over. That just made my vagina disappear further from my view. I lifted my leg and propped it up on the toilet, almost toppling over like a Weeble in the process. I peeked, peered, and gazed. My husband caught me doing this; looking like I was attempting some strange and potentially dangerous new Yoga pose and asked me what the hell I was doing. I gave him a look like, “duh” and told him I was trying to see my crotch, to which he responded by howling in laughter and walking away.
The only way I can see my ladybits anymore is to look with a mirror. Even that is difficult, but look with a mirror I did – if only to reassure myself that my vagina is, in fact, still there and fully in tact. I ended up getting a glimpse of it. Yep, there’s my vagina. Still there, still looking the same as it ever did (albeit slightly more… Um… Puffy? WTF, PREGNANCY?). Pregnancy is such a curious thing. Never in a million years did I think that something as simple as being able to see my own vagina would be something that was impossible without being an Olympic gymnast. Something that I’ve seen every single day of my life is now gone; hidden by the growing mound that is my stomach.
I think that the book Belly Laughs by Jenny McCarthy had mentioned something about her vagina getting blue and engorged, and when I read it in my first trimester I laughed heartily and thought to myself that was a bunch of bullshit. Apparently it is NOT bullshit, and vaginas do in fact get engorged during gestation. Though mine isn’t blue. It’s still a normal color.
Now that you know entirely too much about my crotch region, carry on and have a very pleasant Tuesday. And never take the fact that you can see your vagina for granted.
Classy? Maybe not. Funny? I think so. I thought the title was terribly clever. The Curious Case of Benjamin Button had come out recently, and everyone loves the word vajayjay so I thought myself awfully hilarious. Any woman who has ever been big, fat, and pregnant will relate to this post because when you’re that pregnant you really CAN NOT see your kitty without the aid of a mirror.
This post was written in participation with The SITS Girls’ Back to Blogging Challenge. In participating, I am also submitting the posts to be entered into a sweepstakes to win a Turquoise Sky Electrolux washer & dryer set. The event is sponsored by Standards of Excellence, Westar, and Florida Builder Appliances.