I have acquired a fantastic group of cyber-girlfriends that I simply call my Bitches. We’re so fabulous we piss glitter, and for that, you should be jealous. We are all hoping to meet up next year at BlogHer 2011, and when we do it’s going to be absolutely EPIC.
I decided that I wanted the Bitches on my blog, so I invited them to share their funniest story from either pregnancy or motherhood. My first Bitch is Beth from Me As A Mommy. Beth is mommy to M, and she’s also knocked up with TNB who is sporting a vagina. That means she’s a girl, for those of you who either just woke up and haven’t had coffee or aren’t very smart. Beth is very hilarious and witty, and once called me useless because I couldn’t solve an argument between her and her husband about the movie Inception.
This is Beth’s first guest post, and I’m hella excited to be the one to break her guest blog cherry. While she’s blogging here, I am blogging over there. So without further ado, I give you Beth!
So when Natalie asked me to guest post I was immediately nervous. I’ve never done something like this before. I kinda feel like I’m going into a stranger’s house and I don’t know if I should sit on the couch or stand awkwardly in the corner because the couch is just for show. But then she told me what my topic would be “Tell us about your funniest/most embarrassing moment as a Mom.” Once she said that, I knew that not only would I be sitting on her couch – but I’d also be the guest that takes off her shoes and puts her feet, stinky socks and all, up on the coffee table. So prepare yourself – you have been warned. (for the record my socks aren’t stinky – it’s just part of the image of just how comfortable and inappropriate I’m about to be)
I’m now a SAHM, but for the first 11 months of my son’s life I worked full time in IT. Part of my job was to work on trouble tickets with outside vendors. It was on one such occasion that I had my most embarrassing Mom moment.
The vendor asked me to run a diagnostic tool and send him the results file. I ran the tool, and totally forgot to take note of the file name, but did notice that it started with a bunch of numbers. Being the ever-genius I am, I went to the location, grabbed the first file that started with numbers and sent it off to him. A few days later I came into work to find an email “The file was deleted. Can you please send it again?” I went back through my email, and just forwarded the one I had originally sent.
About a week went by with no word from the vendor. Then finally, I got the following message: “The file you are sending me does not contain work-related information. Please run the diagnostic tool I sent you and email me the output from that tool.” I sat there confused. What does he mean it doesn’t contain work-related information? It’s his stupid program I’m running to create the file I’m sending!
It was at this point I decided it might finally be time to check out what file I was sending. I went through my sent mail, found the two emails I had sent him and almost fell out of my chair at work when I opened the attachment. Indeed, it was not work-related information. That’s for sure. Turns out I had sent him a sonogram picture of my son. Not just any sonogram picture though. The one where we found out it was a boy.
If you don’t get where I’m going with this… or if you don’t think that’s embarrassing enough allow me to describe exactly what I was sending him. A sonogram picture of my son’s penis. And I sent it twice. I should also mention that when we found out M would be a boy… there was no question. I refuse to post pictures of my son’s privates on the internet (even ones from when he was in the womb), so instead – I’ve put together a little drawing in paint so you can really understand exactly what I sent to this unsuspecting vendor.
He expected the log file from a script, and instead he got something like this (TWICE):