Retro Post Sunday

Originally posted November 17th, 2008:

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So, they say that everything happens for a reason. I do believe that, even if sometimes the reason is really hard to see. Sometimes I wonder if maybe it even takes months or years to see. When we lost the baby, I had a really hard time believing that. Why would that happen? I understand that the baby died because there was something wrong with it, but why even let that baby start if he wasn’t meant for this world? Why would I have to go through that pain?

The reason still isn’t clear to me. It may take a long time before it becomes clear to me.

Then there’s the fact that we’ve been trying again to get pregnant since June. It’s been almost a half a year since we’ve started trying again, and still no baby. Why? I ask myself this every month when my period shows. Why is it so hard for us?

Well, I think I have my answer. My wisdom teeth have been giving me problems for a few years now. It happens in waves; the lower right one will try and come through, my gums will hurt, it’s hard to chew, I’ll think about going to the dentist and then it stops hurting and isn’t a problem anymore. A few weeks or months will pass, and the same thing will happen. Last week it happened again, only this time it started to make my jaw hurt. I looked in the mirror and saw how my gum was split from the tooth trying to come in; and I finally decided to do something about my teeth. I called a dentist that my boss recommended to me, and made an appointment for tomorrow to get looked at. After I got off the phone, something occured to me: What if this is the reason that we haven’t gotten pregnant yet? I got to thinking. If we had gotten pregnant anytime between June and now, and my wisdom teeth started acting up like this, I wouldn’t have been able to do anything about it. I couldn’t have them out, because you can’t have anesthetic like that when you’re pregnant. What if they had gotten worse, gotten infected, I’d have gotten sick, etc. I feel silly saying this, but it’s like our baby knows this and is just waiting and waiting, saying, “Mom, I know that you’re ready for me, but you have got to take care of your body before I can come.”

So we are putting off TTC until we see what’s going on with my teeth. If I have to have them taken out, it won’t be until the New Year. I would like to get the procedure done on a Friday so I have the weekend to recover, and my weekends are full of stuff that I can’t cancel until after the New Year. I’m sad that we won’t be pregnant for Christmas, but I’m really hoping for better luck in the New Year.

Another thing that I realized, is that by the time we’re ready to try again, it will probably be late January/February. That means I wouldn’t be due until Sept/Oct, and that’s only if we got pregnant again right away. And THAT means that I would have brand new vacation time at work that I could take for maternity leave! Our vacation time expires at the end of September every year, and we have to decide early on what days we want to take throughout the next fiscal year. I’ve already chosen mine for this year because we weren’t pregnant yet, so I had to write some down and choose days. But if we get pregnant in the New Year, I’ll know when I’d need to take time off and can choose it as soon as my new days become available!

So there we have it. I feel like I have a little bit of peace and explanation as to why we haven’t been successful in getting pregnant yet. It may sound silly, but it helps me cope with it a little bit.

So off to the dentist I go tomorrow, and we’ll see where we stand from there.