Moments of Motherhood

Last night in the first four hours that my daughter was asleep, she woke up three times. At 9 and a half months old, this is pretty unusual for her. Each time I went to her room, putting the pacifier in her mouth and giving her a pat was all it took.

On the third time, I became frustrated. I can’t play this game all night, I thought. I put the pacifier back in her mouth, walked out of the room and sighed in frustration as she began crying again. I went back to her crib and I realized the reason she kept spitting the pacifier out was because she was congested.

I knew what to do.

I picked her up and calmed her. I grabbed her saline drops and her blue nose sucker-thing and carried her to the living room. I braced myself, because I knew she’d fight. I knew she’d cry.. And I was right. As I gently put the drops in her nose, she began to wail. I went after her with the blue sucker-thing, and she cried harder. It broke my heart but I knew it would help her. I cleared her nose out best I could and I went back to her room to hook up her Vick’s plug-in. We headed to the bathroom, my daughter and I, and I turned the shower on as hot as it would go. I closed the door and held her against me, her chest against mine. She watched the water falling in the shower beside us and she rested her head against me and that’s when it hit me:

I’m a mommy. I’m the one who makes things better. It’s not that I didn’t realize before that I’m a mother.. It was just one of those surreal moments where I became hyper-aware of the gravity of my title and the responsibility that comes with it. I’m the one who is supposed to know what to do. And in this situation, I did.

We sat in the bathroom like that for a while, her sleepy head on my chest and my hand rubbing up and down her back. After a few minutes we retreated back into the nursery, which was filled with the menthol scent of the plug-in. Daddy had made a small bottle and it was waiting for us. I relaxed back into her glider and handed her the snack. I  smoothed some Vick’s on her chest while she ate and after she was done, I held her the same way I did in the bathroom. I put her pacifier back in her mouth and we rocked. She curled up against me, nuzzled her head close and fell asleep. I lay my cheek down on top of her head and closed my eyes and we rocked together until she was breathing better.

In this moment together, I felt the awe of motherhood so strongly it was overwhelming. The beauty and the pain of loving a child was enveloping me and I just held her and let it swallow me whole for a few precious moments in time.

I lay my daughter back in her crib and she stayed asleep for the rest of the evening. I went back to bed, humbled and in love with the beautiful creature that came into my life 9 months ago.

These little Moments of Motherhood are what make my life. Stress from work, stress from parenting, stress from finances just doesn’t seem to matter anymore when life hands me one of these beautiful moments.

Do you have a Moment of Motherhood that sticks out in your memory?

Comments

  1. Mine is a reoccuring moment. Its when I walk into daycare at te end of the day and Audrey stops what she is doing and crawls/walks to me as fast as she can and most of the times she is brought to tears because she wants mama to hold her so much. I cant believe I am finally the one the mom who the baby wants more than anything.

    You know those tv shows where the husband and wife are apart for weeks and see each other and cry. Every day Audrey crys because she is just so happy to see me and I guess she missed me that much

  2. Aren't those moments wild? When you're just like, "Whoa. I somehow know exactly what to do. And it's working. I'm a MOM." They hit me randomly. Sometimes it'll just be when we're playing and sometimes it's when I KNOW she's tired despite her awake-looking face and noises (and despite everyone around me going, "She doesn't SEEM tired,") and I'll take her and rock her and she'll fuss…and then she's out like a light in a matter of minutes.

    I love this post. I had a similar one a while ago – and I'm sure there will be many more!
    Liza recently posted..Happy Five Months!

  3. Sounds like you put on your Mommypants, sister! And yes, there is nothing like the feeling of knowing how much you mean to your little person. It's both powerful and terrifying at the same time, isn't it?

  4. Gosh, that sounds like the last few nights here. The Boy has been congested and we've been doing the same ritual. He fights so hard with the drops and aspirator. Hopefully both of our little ones feel better soon!

  5. Kiddo congestion is the worst. You just wish they could blow their little nose!

    My moment is when in the car, when Max is screaming, the only thing that will calm him is my singing. It makes me realize the power of a mommy.
    Laura @ The Things I recently posted..Wordless Wednesday- The Littlest Ninja

  6. That is the sweetest thing! I feel like that everytime my son reaches for me – that's what true love really is!
    Kelly recently posted..A Weekend in pictures

  7. I was brought to tears after reading your post…Not because it made me sad..Happy Tears!! I have a 16 month old girl, who we tried for, for over 5 years. She is our miracle, and there are moments, just as you described that during this wonderful "motherhood" journey when it just seems to hit me, suddenly, so intensly that it takes my breath away…Your post took my breath away…because I know how it feels to have to get them to where they can feel better.

    My Madison gets congested at times too, and I have to go after her with the salt water drops and the nose bulb..the steaming showers..I so know~and understand how you felt.

    I have just recently started reading your blog, and I just wanted you to know I love it…Keep them coming..I love your posts!! :)

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