Potty Humor

The other night, Nellie found something so hilarious, I had to get it on camera. Enjoy her cackles.

What was so funny? Daddy was making Nellie’s stuffed wolf – who I have named Lon Chaney –  sniff my butt and yell “shoooooo!”.

My daughter enjoys potty humor. I’m very proud.

Damn You Auto Correct Sunday

I have a new love. It’s a passionate love that keeps me laughing so hard, I find myself gasping for breath and slapping my knees.

It’s called damnyouautocorrect.com .

Those of you with iPhones are no stranger to auto correct and the awkward, hilarious situations it can cause. Unfamiliar with auto correct? It’s pretty self-explanatory.. The iPhone – and some Droids, I think – have a feature that helpfully corrects what it thinks are misspelled words on your phone for you without giving you a warning before it corrects it, like on a Blackberry. Well, there’s a website where people submit their hysterical auto correct incidents, and this site is quite possibly the funniest thing I’ve ever seen. One night, after Nellie had gone to bed and Josh was out with friends I read about 10 pages and I had tears rolling down my cheeks and was laughing into our Boppy pillow because I was practically shrieking and didn’t want to wake the baby.

I wanted to share some of my favorite Auto Corrects with you all on this lovely Sunday afternoon. Be warned: there is a very real chance that you will piss your pants.

Enjoy!

*wipes tears from eyes*

I hope you all enjoyed that as much as I did.

Wordless Wednesday – Give Peace a Chance

John Lennon
10/9/1940 – 12/8/1980


P.S. Yes, I know it’s not really wordless if I post a song.. But they’re not my words, so it counts. =P

Childhood Games (The Weird Kid Edition)

I get inspired for blog posts in all sorts of different ways. Sometimes they come from a funny thing I experienced in my day-to-day life, sometimes they come from a song, other times I just ramble and don’t make a whole lot of sense.

I was on Twitter and read a Tweet from @mommywantsvodka that said: “Some kids remember playing Tag and Little League. I remember The Wall and Twin Peaks. /end nostalgia”

It got me to thinking about unconventional games I used to play as a child, and that is what inspired me to write this post.

Jurassic Park
I grew up living 10 minutes away from four of my cousins, and we were raised more like siblings. We loved to play together and my (9 month) older cousin E and my 3+ years younger cousin B and I all liked to play Jurassic Park. My cousins had a lot of backyard, with a wooded area surrounding their house. When we’d play J.P., I would always be Ellie, of course. At first, E wanted to be Alan Grant but then we realized that they were boyfriend/girlfriend in the film and that would have just been weird, so he came up with his own character whose name escapes me. But he was Mexican. *shrug*
B always wanted to make up his own character too, but being the asshole older kids that E and I were, we made him be the dinosaurs.
ALL the dinosaurs.
We would run around screaming while B chased us making growling noises. The woods to the left of the house were the “Raptor Forest” while the woods to the right was the “Dilophosaur Area”. The swingset was a helicopter, and the storage shed was a safe area where the dinosaurs couldn’t get us for some reason. I remember that when we’d play, Alan Grant was always missing and I was always very distraught and screaming for him.

Can’t Touch the Ground
This one’s pretty self explanatory. You couldn’t touch the ground. Ever, or you died, because the ground was lava. There was also a variation of this in the swimming pool, where you couldn’t touch the bottom of the pool OR the sides, because naturally, the sides were spiky and would impale you and again; instant death.

Don’t Wake the Dragon
This was similar to Can’t Touch the Ground, except one person would be “the dragon”. You’d start the game off with “the dragon” sleeping and everyone tiptoeing around. When the dragon woke, there was usually a lot of screaming and panic while everyone scrambled to get their feet off the floor in any way possible. As long as you weren’t touching the floor, “the dragon” could not get you. If “the dragon” got you, you were mocked and taunted properly before you became “the dragon” and the game started over. We’d climb on whatever we could find; couches, chairs, tables, the piano in the living room, etc.

Speed
This one was me by myself. I used to take my bike out and ride it around in circles pretending that I was driving the bus in the movie Speed. I couldn’t stop pedaling or my bicycle would explode and I would die. I would yell things that I’d heard from the movie and I’m fairly certain the neighbors thought I was insane.

Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles
This one was a game I played in school. When I was in 1st grade, TMNT were all the rage. I loved Leonardo; he was my favorite because his mask was blue. All the little boys in my class would run around fighting each other and I wanted to play so badly, but they informed me that there WERE no girl Nina Turtles, so they made me be April O’Neill. I got to run around interviewing everyone.
Fuckers.

I like looking back on all of the games that my friends/cousins and I played and invented. It brings back warm fuzzy memories for me but also, as a parent, it makes me wonder what our parents thought watching us pretend and play. I can picture myself in a few years, standing at my kitchen sink and watching Nellie and her friends barreling through the backyard in the throes of some wild imaginary adventure. It puts a smile on my face and makes me realize how much I have to look forward to in my years to come as a mom.

So how about you? What were some of your favorite childhood games? Did you invent any yourself?


Baby Steps

While I was on my way to work yesterday, Josh texted me to let me know that my Nellie, the babe who spent 9 months in my womb and has spent 10 months outside, had taken two whole unassisted steps.

My heart. My babe. She’s almost a toddler. Never in my life have I felt so fiercely proud.  It seems sometimes I might burst from the inside out from the pride… Never in my life have I felt so out of control of time, of life; so desperate to just freeze these moments to cherish them just a little bit longer. Pleading with time to stop careening forward with such alarming speed… Motherhood is simultaneously the most beautiful and most painful thing I’ve ever gone through. Every day, that baby grows apart from me, and into her own little person. Every day, I lose her just a little bit more. As she takes her first wobbly steps, she has no idea that in her little hands, she holds my heart. My soul. The very essence of my being. She never will know, will never be able to fully grasp the gravity of that unless she has children of her own one day.. Then, and only then will she understand how bittersweet and frightening loving a child and watching them grow is.

I know that I have to learn to let her fall, to let her land hard and learn her lessons so next time, she will do differently. Sometimes we have to hurt to understand the mistakes that caused the pain.

Yes, I have to learn how to take a deep breath, let go of her hands, and let her toddle farther into the journey that is her life… But the thing she doesn’t know yet  is that I will always, always be standing just behind her… Ready to catch her if she falls. I can’t help it. That’s just… Motherhood.

Green Bean – My First Babe

Hey, baby love. It’s mama. It’s December 2nd again, and do you know what that means? It means that it’s the anniversary of the day that I found out for sure, and the day that we shouted to the world, that we were pregnant with you! I knew the night before after getting a faded-looking (but still obvious) plus sign on a Wal-Mart brand home pregnancy test, but December 2nd was the day I took that second test and it was unmistakably, boldly, positive. Like you were shouting, “I’M HERE, MAMA!”

I was so excited to be carrying you. Little, bitty, poppyseed-sized you. I couldn’t wait to have an ultrasound so I could see you! At first, we didn’t see anything – just a yolk sac. But when we went in the second time, I got to see your heartbeat! A little tiny flick-flick-flick on the screen that made my heart soar.

My happiness was short-lived and turned to heartbreak. Utter devastation.. So many feelings, babe. It’s been three years, but I still remember so vividly the first time I felt a cramp that I just couldn’t ignore. I was at work, walking from my chair to the counter and the pain stopped me in my tracks.  My heart felt like it dropped into my toes. All day I had been convincing myself that the spotting wasn’t a big deal.. That the fact that it was getting heavier, and darker, wasn’t a big deal but when I felt that cramp..

Well… You know the rest of the story sweetheart. My heart broke the day that I lost you, my love.  The deep, painful cramps were nothing compared to the searing pain in my soul.

Being pregnant with you was glorious. Every wave of nausea I felt, every little craving I had, every sip of water I took to help keep hydrated for you I cherish. I craved Cheetos and ramen noodles with you. I remember going to Wal-Mart and buying a pack of newborn diapers.. And a jar of green olives. I started a semi-private journal to document our journey together. It’s still around.. Sometimes I will log in and read my entries just to remember.

I wish that I still had a picture of the positive pregnancy test… I loved to look back on it and remember the feeling that surged through me when I saw it. Amazement.. Disbelief.. Awe.. Joy. I have the ultrasound picture from when we saw your heartbeat a mere 3 days before losing you.. It’s tucked away safely in a box with the blanket daddy bought you.

Did you know that you have a little sister now? Her name is Nellie and she’s a very funny lady. I think you two would have gotten along so well.

Green Bean, there still isn’t a day that goes by that I don’t think of you and wonder what you would be like. I know I’ve said it before, but thank you again, kiddo, for choosing me to be your mom for those short 3 weeks. It was an honor.

I am forever and always, your Mama. I love you.

Kalorik Kristmas Giveaway – Coffee Maker

Hello my lovelies! I know I just ended a giveaway and I usually don’t do them so closely together like this, but with it being the holiday season and all I just couldn’t resist sharing something fabulous with you!

I was lucky enough to get the opportunity to review  a beautiful metallic 12-cup coffee maker in “Kalorik Red”. I’m a sucker for red appliances, though I have to admit – this is the first one I’ve ever owned.

Oooo.. Ahhh!

I love coffee. If I had my way in life, coffee would pretty much be flowing into my mouth 24 hours a day. However, I would probably die from caffeine poisoning. My point is that I love coffee. I had a standard Mr. Coffee pot in my house, so when I got my shiny new Kalorik I was beyond excited. One of the things I was the most excited about is that it’s PROGRAMMABLE. I’ve never owned a coffee pot that was programmable before, or had a digital LCD clock on it! I felt like I was moving up in the world. I love to program my coffee maker at night before I go to bed and wake up to the smell of freshly brewed java wafting from my kitchen.The Kalorik Coffee Maker also has an automatic 2-hour shutoff system, which is great if you’re like me and can’t ever remember whether or not you turned your coffee pot off. Then you get halfway to wherever you’re going and make your husband turn the car around just to make sure you turned the darn thing off. Yeah, not a problem with this bad boy. The pot also features a “pause and serve” function, and a nonstick “keep-hot plate” so your coffee isn’t going to get cold. Other features of the Kalorik coffee maker include:

  • Drip-free carafe
  • Transparent water tank
  • Blue backlit display
  • Cone filters (type 4)

Pretty much as soon as my coffee maker arrived, I got to work. The manual recommends that you run three cycles of hot water through before your first use. I anxiously awaited the cycles to go through and when it was time to taste my very first cup of coffee?

Heaven. Pure heaven. It made the coffee made in my old pot seem like dirt water. Mud. Worse than mud. I’m not even joking, this coffee pot made the coffee taste better. I love how pretty it looks on my counter and that it does not take up a lot of space. I live in an apartment, and counter space is scarce so every inch is precious. This coffee pot actually takes up less space and fits in my little “coffee maker nook” better than my old one!

Okay, okay. Enough with the gushing. What you’re all REALLY here for..

Kalorik is giving away a 12-cup programmable coffee maker to one Mommy Boots reader! Here’s how you can win…

Mandatory means that if you do not complete both steps to this entry, your extra entries will not count. Please be sure to leave your e-mail address/Twitter name/other contact info in case you win.

  • Follow Mommy Boots publicly AND go to Kalorik’s website and tell me one other item that you would love to have.

Be sure to leave a separate comment for each extra entry.

  • Follow Kalorik on Twitter.
  • Follow Mommy Boots on Twitter and Tweet: “It’s a Kalorik Kristmas w/ @TeamKalorik & @mommyboots! Enter to win a 12 cup coffee pot! #holiday #giveaway http://mommyboots.com/?p=1242” and post the permalink to your Tweet (to get the permalink, click on the timestamp on your Tweet, then copy the URL and paste it into your entry comment. You can Tweet once per day.)
  • Like Kalorik on Facebook.

Below is a group of bloggers who are also giving away Kalorik products. You may get  extra entries to my giveaway by entering the giveaways listed below. You will get 1 extra entry per other giveaway entered. Leave a comment telling me which blogger’s giveaway you entered. Each blogger counts individually as an extra entry, so be sure to leave a separate comment for each giveaway you enter!

Christmas is just around the corner, and this coffee maker would make an absolutely fantastic Christmas gift for the coffee-lover in your life. Orrrrr, a little something special for yourself for being so good this year,  yes? 😉


This giveaway is open to U.S. residents only and will end 12/17/2010 at 11:59 P.M. E.S.T. The winner will be determined using And the Winner Is and will be notified by me. The winner will have 48 hours to respond before I draw another winner.

I was given a Kalorik 12-cup programmable coffee maker in Kalorik Red at no cost to me to review. The opinions in this review are 100% honest and 100% mine.