One Chapter Ends..

And a new one begins. The Baby Chapter in my daughter’s life is coming to an end and her Toddler Chapter is about to begin.

Here I sit, on what I can consider my daughter’s last night as a baby. She’s not walking yet but she’s still a toddler. Tomorrow, I’ll have a toddler. The 7 lb 2 oz baby  that I gave birth to just one year ago is now a crawling, standing, babbling little girl. How did it go by so quickly? Did I stop and enjoy the little moments enough? Will I remember what it was like to cradle her in my arms and listen to her newborn grunts & snuffles a year from now?

I felt okay with everything until today. I really did. It’s just a birthday, I’d think. I’m blessed she gets a birthday.
And I know how blessed I am. I have a living child for whom to throw a party..

But about midday, I began to feel sad. And weepy. I looked at a few of her newborn pictures and almost started to cry. My child is almost a year old. I, like so many mothers before me, am running the gauntlet of emotions. Pride. Love. Sadness. Joy. Fear. Trepidation. Longing. It’s so hard, and confusing, and wonderful. I don’t know if I’m going to make it through her party tomorrow without crying.

We’re having a very small family party at my mother-in-law’s house. I’ll be armed with my camera, ready to capture every sweet moment.. Every smile, every taste of cake. Forever caught on film for me to re-visit as she grows. Today, I kept running through the last hours of my pregnancy in my mind. In a matter of hours, I’ll no longer be able to think, This time last year I was ____ weeks pregnant.

I’m excited for the new chapter in Nellie’s life to begin. I’m also sad for the one that is about to close. That stage of my baby’s life is gone forever. New adventures, memories, and moments await us and that thought makes me smile and anticipate what is yet to come.

But as I gaze upon the photos of  my daughter just moments after her birth, my heart can’t help but break just a little bit for those precious times that only exist now in my memory.

Keep me in your thoughts tomorrow, my friends. At 4:15 PM tomorrow, my child will officially be 1 year old.

Bye bye, baby. Hello toddler.

Comments

  1. we will have to have another…this one's gettin too big ta cuddle
    daddygreen recently posted..Wordless Wednesday

  2. We said hello to toddlerhood last month. Definitely a bittersweet time. Hope your little one has a very happy birthday!

  3. Lori Purple says:

    Hi Natalie! It is amazing the different emotions a parent can experience in a matter of seconds. When my son turned one I went through the exact same thing you are going through. When my daughter turned one recently I thought, "This is my last baby, the last baby cuddle until grandchildren (hopefully someday)." Where did this time go? Why does it have to pass so damn quickly? Just reading your blog brought tears to my eyes. I will think of you tomorrow and wish you and your family happiness. Don't worry, you will never forget the feeling of holding your baby in your arms, from the moment she was born to forever. It is something so totally memorable that you will still be able to smell her and feel her in your mind. Good luck tomorrow and happy birthday to Nellie!

    Lori Purple

  4. You have a whole new set of adventures waiting for you! :)
    carri recently posted..Shut Your Face- Kaiser Nurse!

  5. Natalie, It is so bittersweet I remember all those feelings I had when Savannah turned 1. I still get a little emotional about it, but then I see what she is doing now and I embrace every moment. Good luck you will do just fine!

  6. I know how sad that first birthday is. It’s unbelievable how quickly they grow up; you just can’t get those precious infant days back, but so many wonderful and sweet developments are coming your way. She may not be a baby anymore, but even 1-year-olds and 2-year olds are amazing to watch. This is going to be a big year for her filled with so many milestones; it’ll be better than ever.

    And if you really miss those baby days, you could always TTC for #2 this year. 😉

  7. It went by way too fast : ( I share many of the same sentiments as you. Happy Birthday to your sweet girl! I just posted some pictures of Ilah’s 1st birthday party – finally!

  8. awww, you're such a great mama! and yep, this one made me tear up! happy birthday, nellie! and happy birth day, mama!
    Emily @ Baby Dickey recently posted..Journey to a VBAC- stories

Speak Your Mind

*

CommentLuv badge