Losing My Mind (and Debit Card)

This morning, I almost lost my mind.

I stopped at a gas station to put gas in the car on the way back from dropping Josh off at work. I had Nellie in the car with me. I pulled next to the pump, walked around to the backseat where I had my purse and her diaper bag. Nellie gave me a big grin and I pulled my wallet out of my purse. I took out my debit card and she started fussing and crying, wanting my wallet. I reached into her diaper bag and grabbed my old wallet – which is now Nellie’s. I handed her the pink billfold with the butterflies on it and she gave me another grin as she turned it around in her hands. I smiled at her…………

And completely and utterly forgot what I did with my debit card. I opened my wallet again. Checked my pockets. What the hell? I digged through the diaper bag. Opened my purse and emptied it. Panic began to rise up in me and Nellie began to screech and whine, tired of being in her car seat. She reached for me as I was frantically turning our backseat upside-down trying to find my green debit card.

I became increasingly agitated; not only was I missing my debit card and was in need of gas in the car but moreso… How in the holy living hell did I lose my debit card IN MY OWN CAR? As Nellie’s cries turned louder, I became more stressed. I started to tear up, saying to myself, “How in the hell can this happen? How did I lose my own damn card in MY CAR?”

I looked around on the ground surrounding the car. Nothing. I quickly searched my pockets, my wallet, Nellie’s wallet. I had no idea what to do. I was tearing up even more and feeling helpless. What was I supposed to do? I lost my damn debit card while standing there. Was I losing my mind? Going senile? The damn thing was gone. Should I call my bank and cancel it? I got back in the car and drove off to the side of the station to collect my thoughts. I took some deep breaths, fighting off tears. Nellie was wailing, I was on the verge of yelling at her and I felt so stupid. I decided to drive back toward the pump and park at the one right across the way from it so I could look on the ground again. I pulled around, tears in my eyes and parked the car. I looked out the window and there on the ground I saw it – the backside of my green debit card. I flung the door open and hurried over to where it was. I picked it up, flipped it over and read my name on the front. I felt so relieved I almost started crying again.

In my haste to retrieve Nellie’s wallet so she’d stop crying, I must have tried to shove my card in my back pocket but missed. I felt silly that I’d gotten so panicked while standing there pumping my gas, but it really freaked me out that I legitimately could not remember what had happened to my card. I had no recollection of putting it in my pocket, or even going through the motions of doing so. I was distraught at the thought of having to cancel my card, and really disturbed at the fact that my memory & mind had failed me so terribly… And Nellie crying and reaching the whole time made things worse.

This isn’t the first time I’ve temporarily misplaced something when stressed about Nellie crying. I realized that the sound of her crying has a stressing effect on me – I hastily do whatever I can to stop the sound and make her happy and in doing that everything else leaves my brain. It’s like my brain’s not capable of focusing on anything but making her crying stop.

So that was my morning. I’m losing my mind, but at least I found my effing card, right?


  1. Oh. My. God. I can’t tell you how much this sounds exactly like something I would do. Only I probably wouldn’t have had the moment of clarity to go back and look around again. I’m glad you found it. I can’t tell you how many times I’ve left a wallet, purse, or phone lying on a store shelf after some sparkly object caught my attention and made me pick it up!

    c recently posted..is it just me or

  2. I have long hypothesized that by having children, I have passed a good portion of my brain power on to them and somehow become the fumbling, bumbling sitcom Dad.
    I think I used to be relatively sharp and on the ball. Now have literally gotten out of my car at work, walked into the office and realized that I have left my car running in the parking lot!
    I blame the years of sleep deprivation.

  3. Have done the exact same thing!

  4. OMG! You are not alone. I can't tell you how many times since my lil one was born (over a year and a half ago) that I wonder where my brain went; all the little things I forget or misplace, I often think I am losing my mind.

  5. Jessica D Torres says:

    Good thing you went back to look for your card. I lose stuff all the time because my kids drive me crazy. Usually it is my keys and my cell phone.

  6. Omg! You aren't alone. We just went on a trip to Chicago, and whenever my toddler started crying/yelling anything (!), it was like my whole world stopped. I can't concentrate on conversations, tv, even walking! And dont even get me started on losing things. we just had to replace my nintendo Ds, (cause we lost it) and now I have to replace my glasses ( I blame my husband for that one). I was a capable adult at one time..

  7. When my babies cry I have a physical reaction as well. I don't know what that is and why I do it…but it sucks!! Sometimes I have mommy-brain and it is frustrating!! So glad you found your card…because that would have been a whole new barrage of stressors!!

  8. I have a feeling a scientific study has been done and it shows that when a baby is crying, the mom's focus just zeroes in on making it stop, forgoing everything else. I'm guessing it's an evolutionary thing.

    That said, holy crap! I'm glad your card resurfaced! Debit cards are a pain in the ass when they get stolen.

  9. I have absolutely done this. Many, many…uh..MANY times.

  10. Babies suck your brain away. I've done the whole 'where the eff is the debit card' before. My personal favorite is when I pour a glass of water, set it down to do something for one of the kids, then I can't find my glass of water. So I pour another glass, then come across the first one. Sad, but true.

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