The Battle of the Queue

My husband and I love movies. We are what you would call movie buffs. We will give pretty much any movie a chance. Our likes range from Oscar-winning dramas to musicals (okay, that’s me and not my husband) to campy movies like Pirhana (which was AWESOMMMEEE). There are movies that we disagree on, of course. Joshua doesn’t like musicals and I don’t like comic book cartoons, cheesy 80s guys movies (Road Warrior = worst ever) or Alexander, which happens to be one of Josh’s favorite movies. Oliver Stone can just get the eff off my Netflix queue and movie shelf FOREVER.

Since early 2006, we have been Netflix users. We. Love. Netflix. We love it even more since it introduced its’ “Instant” feature, allowing us to stream movies and TV shows to our laptop. We’ve caught up on entire TV shows this way – Weeds, Californication, Man Vs. Food… I love love love Netflix. However, there is one problem that comes with being romantically involved with someone and having Netflix…

And that’s the Battle of the Queue.

More than likely if you have a partner and Netflix at the same time, you already know what I’m talking about. It’s the constant power struggle that comes with arranging your queue and adding new movies to it. It’s a game of stealth, of sneakiness and of subtlety. It starts with something like this….

Me: Ooooh, you know what movie I haven’t seen in a while and that I don’t think you’ve ever seen?
Josh: What?
Me: A Hard Day’s Night.
Josh: *blank stare*
Me: What? It’s great! It’s funny, it’s cute and it’s THE BEATLES.
Josh: *blank stare* It’s a musical, isn’t it.
Me: No… Well… Not really.. It’s.. JUST WATCH IT. *puts it at the top of the queue*
Josh: THE TOP?!
Me: *death stare*

End of struggle, right?

WRONG.

Everything is well and good until I skip to the mailbox and rip into my red Netflix envelope, giddy with anticipation in seeing my beloved Beatles movie for the first time in years…… Only to find the DVD enclosed in the sleeve is…

Me: SUPERMAN VS. SHAZAM? WHAT THE ACTUAL FUCK IS THIS?
Josh: *runs garbage disposal* WHAT??? I CAN’T HEAR YOU.
Me: DID YOU PUT THIS AT THE TOP OF OUR QUEUE????
Josh: Hmmm, did I? I don’t remember.
Me: RAGGEEEEE

You would think I could easily solve this problem by putting Hard Day’s Night BACK up at the top of the queue, but because I am a spaz and my brain is like a sieve I forget. With paying bills, working, Nellie, chorus and a thousand other things my Netflix queue is just not usually at the front of my brain. So I forget, until weeks have passed and my Beatles movie still hasn’t shown up in my mailbox. I go to the queue to find that it’s now at position 67 or some equally far-away number. And that’s when I initiate my own Battle Sequence. Mine is sneaky. Mine is tricky.
Mine is brilliant.

You see, I generally put the envelopes back into the mail at work (we get 3 at a time). This is when I execute my perfectly-timed plan.

Me: *walking out the door* I’m putting the Netflix movies back in the mail today.
Josh: You’re awesome!
Me: Yessss… awesome…..

I will get to work, drop the movies in the mail and wait a few hours. This gives Josh some time to manipulate the queue as he pleases while he is still thinking about it (because just like me, he also has a thousand things bouncing around in his brain). After he has snuck a few of my movies down and a few of his up, that is when I strike.

Me: HARD DAY’S NIGHT! STRICTLY BALLROOM! TOMMY! Muuuuaaaah hah aha! MINE IS AN EVIL LAUGH.

I sneak those three to the top toward the end of the day when Josh has forgotten about the queue and the Netflix movies we turned in have already reached their destination. The day the three new red envelopes come in..

Me: We have Netflix!
Josh: What did we get?
Me: A Hard Day’s Night..
Josh: *side-eye*
Me: Strictly Ballroom…
Josh: *stink-eye*
Me: And Tommy!
Josh: YOU MESSED WITH THE QUEUE DIDN’T YOU??!!
Me: I WIN AT NETFLIX!

I will happily watch my three awesome movies while Josh feigns interest and then I’ll pack them back up, send them out…

And the Battle of the Queue rages on.

Comments

  1. My ex and I had the 4-a-month plan strictly because of arguments like this. You can give users on your account separate lists – he had one and I had one – and then you can assign who gets how many DVDs from their list at a time (we did 2 and 2) and that way you know you're always going to get something from your list! :)

  2. Oh, so funny! It's a good thing my hubby and I don't have Netflix! We would definitely have the same problem. 😉

  3. we also have the battle of the queue. I still think you should just change the password on him. MUAHAHAHAHAHAHA

  4. As soon as he can figure out how to replace the GOD FORSAKEN toilet paper roll, maybe we can get netflix. Until then, he must drive to the video store.

  5. CrunchyVTMommy says:

    SO funny. K and I have the same exact issue. I wish I could hire someone just to monitor the Netflix queue. I HATE when you neglect it and then BAM Deuce Bigalow or some dumb shizz shows up at your house. Awful!

  6. You guys sound a lot like me and my husband. I love watching musicals and he prefers the 80's guy movies! Netflix is awesome. We are big fans.

  7. Too funny lol. Rob and I have different tastes in movies but we both like seeing movies we have never seen before so we don't have many movie arguments.

  8. LOL I love this! Netflix is a god! Prior to the Instant Watch feature, we went through this battle a lot; then we did the thing where we could set up a sub-account for one of us, so we each had our OWN queue, and we divided the number of discs between us (I would get two, he would get one, because movies are more important to me). Since we primarily use Instant Watch now, we only get one disc at a time, and he almost never looks at the queue anymore, lucky for me. Now we just have to duke it out at home over which movie we'll be watching. We used to try to take turns but that hasn't always worked so well, lol.

  9. Awesome! I would love to actually be a fly on the wall and watch your arguments! My husband and I are huge movie buffs. We usually switch turns on who picks. Maybe you should do that or have your own list!

    Enjoy A Hard Day's Night, lol!

  10. Hahaha, love it. We have the same issues here 😉

  11. Ladies, just so you know. I never put three movies that I know she will not like in the same bundle. Like she does with musicals and movies made by talentless jack wagons.

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