Things that Got My Goat This Week

I haven’t done a Goat-Getting post in a while. If you don’t know what all of this goat business is about, my friend Crunchy VT Mommy has a weekly (mostly weekly) thing where she bitches about shit that pissed her off. It’s fabulous and I love it even though I haven’t done it in a while. Here is what got my effing goat this week.

  1. The Stomach Flu: Technically, it got my goat (and my intestines) last week but whatever. The stomach flu can just go jump off an effing bridge. There is NO reason or call for it. NONE. WHATSOEVER. It exists purely to make humans miserable by causing them to simultaneously vomit and shit their brains out. Oh, and what’s worse is that it’s not technically a flu. It’s really more like an angry, vengeful tiger that goes into a bezerker rage and tears your bowels apart. Fuck you, Stomach Tiger.
  2. Ruby Tuesday: Mmmm. Salad bar. Delicious. I love Ruby Tuesday. Their succulent brown croutons (idk what they’re made of. I just know that they’re brown.) are to die for. Their new cheesy biscuits area little ridiculous because they’re approximately the size of a walnut, but whatever. You know what I don’t love? Restaurants that don’t have one of these:  In the bathroom. You know what restaurant doesn’t have one of those in the bathroom?
    RUBY FUCKING TUESDAY. I took Nellie in there the other day to check on her diaper and after spinning in a circle a few times looking for one I discovered THEY DON’T HAVE A CHANGING TABLE. This is not an old, outdated restaurant. This particular Ruby Tuesday was built about three years ago. WHAT THE HELL. JOIN THE 21ST CENTURY, RUBY TUESDAY. I need a place to change my kid’s ass. You know where I’m going to change it? On the nice, plush chair you have sitting in the corner. Have fun sitting where my kid’s bare ass was, other patrons!
  3. Old Navy: Old Navy, you have cute clothes. I love them. When I was skinny I used to shop at your store all the time. But Old Navy,  I’m not skinny anymore. I’m fat now. I wear a size 20. And you offer cute plus-sized clothes, that’s awesome! Oh, but wait. Do you know what’s not awesome? THE FACT THAT YOUR STORES DON’T CARRY THE CUTE PLUS-SIZED CLOTHES. Maybe some do, but none around here do. Do YOU know what it’s like trying to figure out if a certain shirt is going to look right on your lumpy, oddly-shaped mommy frame without trying it on first? No, you don’t Old Navy because you’re not a person. You’re a store. THAT’S NO EXCUSE. GET PLUS SIZED CLOTHES IN YOUR STORE SO I CAN SQUEEZE MY ASS INTO THEM BEFORE I BUY.
  4. Cherry Coke Zero: YOU SON OF A – oh wait. Cherry Coke Zero doesn’t get my goat at all. Cherry Coke Zero is actually delightful and full of win. Remember that whole “I’m not drinking soda anymore” thing I posted about a few weeks ago (just smile and nod)? Yeah, about that. Cherry Coke Zero, I wish I could quit you.

And that, friends, is what Got my Goat This Week. Now write what got YOUR goat, head on over to Crunchy VT Mommy and link up. NOW!

Comments

  1. OOOO I need to try cheery coke zero. I am finally ready to lose the baby weight.

  2. Did you try on the clothes at Old Navy? Technically I'm a size 20 also, but I can wear their size 18 jeans no problem and usually their XL shirts fit me. Might be worth a try? I agree though, wish they carried their bigger sizes in the store.

    • Mommy_Boots says:

      In Old Navy clothes I'm in a weird limbo place. My thighs are too big for 18s, but my waist is too small for 20s. Bah!

  3. Oh Ruby Tuesday. You're all sorts of fail, aren't you?

  4. I feel like I do remember that Ruby Tuesday doesn't have a changing table. I don't really understand how that is legal, but whatever. It's also probably one of the reasons why we don't go there; although we tend to have the worst service ever on the few occasions we have been there.

  5. WTF Ruby Tuesday? I've been in bars that have freaking changing tables (okay, it was a brewpub, but still!)!

    Old Navy and I parted ways years ago. Their shirts never fit me quite right, and the USED to have jeans that fit me, but then they stopped making them, so, aside from flip-flops, I had no reason to set foot into the store.

    Then I ended my relationship with flip-flops. I only wear them when showering in hostels.

  6. I've been in the plus size boat for awhile, and until this freaking recession, Old Navy had plus size clothing. Also, the Target plus size section is shrinking like crazy (kinda like how I wish my waist were).

  7. I love your blog! I have to admit, I saw the word "mommy" in the title and thought it was another classic mommy blog… boy was I wrong. I am following and will definitely be back for more!

  8. ROFLMAO! Well, I went to Chilli's about a month ago, and they didn't have a changing table either. I changed his poopy little butt right there on that marble sink……

  9. Pumpernickle. The delicious, chewy, tasty brown croutons are pumpernickle. I never noticed if mine has a changing table. I'll have to check it out.

    Old Navy is weird. In some outfits I'm a 14 but others I can't get my calf through a 20. If they weren't so cheap I'd give em up. Sadly my budget makes me continue the hunt.

  10. Yeah, it's no fun to try and change your kid on a wet, gross bathroom counter….changing tables everywhere please!

  11. REstaurants w/o a changing table SUCK. I don't go again if they don't have it. I have twins so I have to change diapers twice and w/o a table is a PITA! lol

  12. Our Old Navy stopped carrying plus sized clothing in 2009. In 2010, they went out of business.
    Coincidence? HELL FRINCKIN' NO! The fat ladies have spoken.

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