Nipped

Whenever someone asks me, “So when are you going to have another one” (and they mean a baby and not like, a Snickers bar. Because my answer to “when are you going to have another Snickers bar” would be “do you have a Snickers bar? If so, right now.”), my response is generally to:

  • Stare blankly, feeling a mixture of terror at the question and terror wondering if they’re fucking crazy and if I should run.
  • Stumble over my words and try and find a polite way to say “it’s none of your business what I do with my vagina and uterus”
  • Laugh hysterically
  • Smile sweetly and say “we’re enjoying our first too much to make her a sister!”

Okay, that last one almost never happens. More often than not, it’s a combination of staring blankly in terror and laughing hysterically. The fact of the matter is, motherhood is hard (duh) and I’m just now starting to feel rested again. Eventually, yes, I do want a 2nd and maybe a 3rd but up until recently my brain couldn’t handle the thought of another child.

Then the other night at chorus, I held my friend’s 7 month old and as I was looking down at her gummy smile and watching her kick those chunky little legs, I was suddenly able to contemplate my future as a mom of 2. It’s amazing how your mind has the power to (almost) completely wipe out the memories and feelings of sleep deprivation, exhaustion, and frustration. I suppose that’s what perpetuates our species and keeps us wanting to have more children.

I’m not saying that I have full-blown Baby Fever yet, but I think that the Baby Bug has maybe given me a little nip. And if that is in fact the case, it looks like it might be time to start getting serious about tackling the things on my Baby #2 Bucket List. I haven’t lost any weight and we’re no closer to getting a 2nd car really.. But Josh’s job has the potential for us socking away money in savings rapidly. So there’s something we should be able to chip away at. I also know that I do not want to get pregnant before BlogHer ’11 (SQUEEEXCITEMENTZOMGTHREEMONTHSAWAY) so there’s that.

I also confess, I worry about having a second one. Can we afford it? Is it crazy? How could I possibly love another baby the way I love my first? I know that people say your heart makes room and I also know that’s a common worry of moms of 1 when it comes to having a 2nd.

So, moms of more than 1 kid.. How did you know that you were ready? Were you worried about loving your 2nd as much as your 1st? How far apart are your children?