Nipped

Whenever someone asks me, “So when are you going to have another one” (and they mean a baby and not like, a Snickers bar. Because my answer to “when are you going to have another Snickers bar” would be “do you have a Snickers bar? If so, right now.”), my response is generally to:

  • Stare blankly, feeling a mixture of terror at the question and terror wondering if they’re fucking crazy and if I should run.
  • Stumble over my words and try and find a polite way to say “it’s none of your business what I do with my vagina and uterus”
  • Laugh hysterically
  • Smile sweetly and say “we’re enjoying our first too much to make her a sister!”

Okay, that last one almost never happens. More often than not, it’s a combination of staring blankly in terror and laughing hysterically. The fact of the matter is, motherhood is hard (duh) and I’m just now starting to feel rested again. Eventually, yes, I do want a 2nd and maybe a 3rd but up until recently my brain couldn’t handle the thought of another child.

Then the other night at chorus, I held my friend’s 7 month old and as I was looking down at her gummy smile and watching her kick those chunky little legs, I was suddenly able to contemplate my future as a mom of 2. It’s amazing how your mind has the power to (almost) completely wipe out the memories and feelings of sleep deprivation, exhaustion, and frustration. I suppose that’s what perpetuates our species and keeps us wanting to have more children.

I’m not saying that I have full-blown Baby Fever yet, but I think that the Baby Bug has maybe given me a little nip. And if that is in fact the case, it looks like it might be time to start getting serious about tackling the things on my Baby #2 Bucket List. I haven’t lost any weight and we’re no closer to getting a 2nd car really.. But Josh’s job has the potential for us socking away money in savings rapidly. So there’s something we should be able to chip away at. I also know that I do not want to get pregnant before BlogHer ’11 (SQUEEEXCITEMENTZOMGTHREEMONTHSAWAY) so there’s that.

I also confess, I worry about having a second one. Can we afford it? Is it crazy? How could I possibly love another baby the way I love my first? I know that people say your heart makes room and I also know that’s a common worry of moms of 1 when it comes to having a 2nd.

So, moms of more than 1 kid.. How did you know that you were ready? Were you worried about loving your 2nd as much as your 1st? How far apart are your children?

Comments

  1. melchristopher says:

    Being an over 35 mom when #1 was born, I didn’t feel I had the luxury of perfect planning. That said, we waited until #1 was sleeping through the night and we’d gotten through the medical issues that made #1 a challenging baby (reflux, sleep apnea, ear infections, milk protein intolerance). That choice was all about our own sanity and love of sleep.

  2. I just felt ready. I didn’t worry about the love part of it. Wasnt even a concern. Time, managment of my sanity, that I worried about. But really, it just hit me. I swear I woke up one day and was ready. Potty training of my first was a big factor in it too. I wanted him to be out of diapers during the day. Dylan was 3 1/2 when Ethan was born. I dont know what made it click, but it just did. It was like “I need a baby now or I may die inside” type of urgency about it. Weird how you can go from “Im just not there yet” one day to “need baby now. ovaries may shrivel and die if I dont get baby now.” the very next day.

  3. Melissa says:

    I really don’t think anyone is ever truly ready to have a second or third child. We were physically ready to expand our family (good financial position, spare bedrooms in the house, etc) but the hardest part about having another child was time management and merely maintaining my sanity. It was hard, but we adjusted as well as anyone else. And never worry about not being able to love a 2nd or 3rd child as much as your 1st – it just happens! Even though having another child can be a scary concept, it’s also one of the best decisions I have ever made as a parent.

  4. I know I am just barely pregnant with #2 but I have NO worries about loving this baby as much as Jensen. I know it will happen. I know when I hold this baby in my arms I am going to feel more love then I ever thought I was capable of. I have absolutely NO worries on that front. How could I not love my own baby?

    And Rob really decided we were ready. I wanted to wait until August but he convinced me to start trying in November. Obviously we only got 2 months of trying in before I went to visit my mom January-March but I took that time to lose weight. I lost 20 lbs and while my goal was 40 before getting pregnant again I am happy with being half way there. But really Rob convinced me I was ready. Mostly I do feel ready (I have handled my niece and son at the same time, and she is 11 months older, and before having kids I was a nanny to twins and learned some tips about handling 2 at once) but I do still have mini panics of oh my god Jensen slept through the night since birth, will I ever sleep again with this next baby? What if it has colic or is sick? We got so spoiled with Jensen!

    And they are going to be (give or take a week) exactly 24 months apart.

  5. The Punkin and Little Buddy are 3 years, 8 months and 19 days apart. We originally thought we’d have kids about two years apart. They are further apart than we originally planned because The Punkin didn’t sleep through the night until she was two and that about killed us. Even after she slept through the night, we just kept putting off making a decision to start trying for a second. We finally just went for it because we weren’t getting any younger. In retrospect, I’m glad we waited because 3 was a great age for #1 to be while I was pregnant with #2. She was potty-trained (although she still requires some supervision to keep her on task in the bathroom) and can feed herself. Those two things make a world of difference in your workload. But most importantly, she was old enough to understand that there was a baby inside mommy and to be excited about her baby brother’s impending arrival. And I’m glad I got to watch her becoming a big sister.

  6. We are on kid #1. We are still in the less than 6-months old, holy shit this is hard and fun at the same time stage. We do not see a second one in our future right now… I felt the same way with the random “are you still breastfeeding? Is he on a schedule?” questions.
    Is growling or hissing a polite response?

  7. Shemaiah says:

    Well, with us we weren’t *trying* for maiah, but weren’t preventing either. We were blessed to have her join our family and after I found out she was coming and I did the math on their age difference, I thought my head was going to explode. I have to say though, there really aren’t that many crazy times. Occasionally the two of them will cry/fuss at the same time, and I’m sure they will fight when they are older, but I’m really glad that they are so close in age (almost 18 months apart). The love that they have for each other is amazing to witness. Even when maiah was really small her face would light up whenever ian walked near her. Seeing things like that will really make your heart warm and gooey.

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