Movie Time with Mommy Boots: Close Encounters of the WTF?

Okay, so I’m throwing an impromptu movie review at 10:45 at night. I just got done watching the movie Close Encounters of the Third Kind for the first time. If you haven’t seen the movie and you don’t want me to ruin the ending for you, skip past this post and read about something else like my wine review or the time my kid got diarrhea in public and I had to give her a bath in the sink at the Olive Garden. Also, I apologize if you’re one of the rabid fans of this movie. I wouldn’t call it a bad movie at ALL, it just didn’t really sit well with me. I know it’s a classic and everything, but this is just one that I didn’t get.

Moving right along. This was one of those movies on my “to see” list forever. It’s a classic. It’s Speilberg, who can do no wrong. And while I’m not saying that this movie was bad by any means- on the contrary, it was technically very good- I am still left sitting here and thinking..

Really? Really.

Okay, okay. So let me get this straight. I just sat through over two hours (it felt like four) of this, essentially:

Richard Dreyfuss has irritating kids. Seriously. One of them beats this plastic doll on a playpen for like, 2 minutes while he and his wife argue over a train set.Richard Dreyfuss is crazy. Even before he sees the lights in the sky (which no one believes), he’s kind of a nutjob who is, for some odd reason, obsessed with the movie Pinocchio. What? There’s a cute little boy who lives out in the cornfield, whose toys are possessed and move on their own. The little boy wanders away, because he’s probably scared shitless because HIS TOYS ARE MOVING ON THEIR OWN. He even has one of those scary clappy demon monkey things. So his mom chases after him and she and Richard Dreyfus and some creepy old crazy guy all see the UFOs. Confusion and awe ensues as they watch the sparkly sky lights zoom overhead and some of them get some weird ass sunburn. Then they all get obsessed with drawing pictures of, or in Dreyfuss’s case sculpting, this giant rock/monolith thing. Dreyfuss becomes so obsessed, in fact, that one night he and his wife get into this huge fight and scare the holy living bejeezus out of their children. Like, the kids are crying and the parents are screaming at each other. Really, Mom and Dad? You’re going to slam doors and lock yourself in the bathroom? That’s cool, because we’re all 14 here.

So anyway Richard Dreyfuss is crazy and then the little boy gets kidnapped by the lights in the sky, which was actually a pretty creepy scene. Except it wouldn’t have happened if the mom had paid attention to her four year old crawling through a doggie door when THERE WERE CREEPY SKY PEOPLE TRYING TO GET IN HER HOUSE. Instead she was in the kitchen screaming and covering her ears and not paying attention to her four year old.

So cute kid gets kidnapped and Richard Dreyfuss’s wife takes the kids and leaves after he goes even more insane and starts throwing plants and bricks and other random outside things that have no business being in his  house through his kitchen window. He builds a model of the big rock monolith IN HIS LIVING ROOM. Who the hell is going to clean that up? I’ll tell you who. MOM. When she gets back from her sister’s, she’s going to find the dirt and chicken wire and god knows what else and she’s going to flip her shit. But she won’t have anyone to flip her shit at, because.. Wait. I’m getting ahead of myself. Also, people all start knowing this song that’s like, dee dee dee DUN DUN. If you don’t know what it sounds like go here.

So anyway Dreyfuss and Mom of Kidnapped Boy (MoKB) drive to the monolith thing, lots of government dodging and gas masks and dead (but not really dead, it’s just pass-out gas) bird and cows and stuff happen. And then there is the part where the spaceships show back up to this big government landing strip thing and there’s like, a laser light show to Dark Side of the Moon or something. I don’t know. It had been like, eight hours at this point and I wasn’t really paying attention anymore. So anyway they play Simon with each other for a while and then the spaceship opens up and kills everyone.

Except not really. The spaceship spits out a bunch of people that have been missing for like 30 years, only they haven’t aged. Which is depressing because now someone’s going to have to tell them that their wives are probably dead and their children don’t know them. Then a big creepy gangly alien comes out and also a bunch of small, creepy child-sized aliens do too. Oh, and P.S., the cute kidnapped kid comes out and he’s fine. His brains are intact as far as you can tell and he seems relatively unscathed. He says something cute that I didn’t understand, because he was like, four.

Anyway they march out a bunch of random people in sunglasses and red jumpsuits and decide Richard Dreyfuss should join them. So the creepy alien children flock around him and eat his brains usher him onto the ship and the big alien smiles and I pissed my pants because it was frigging creepy and then they fly away.

AND THAT’S HOW IT ENDS.

So I essentially just spent two plus hours to watch Richard Dreyfuss be crazy, throw bricks through his window, get a sunburn, and also abandon his wife and three children to live with the space people.

AWESOME.

Disclaimer: No offense is meant to those who love this movie. I just didn’t get it.

 

Comments

  1. If I recall correctly, that movie had, like, 4 different possible endings.

    I don’t think I’ve seen that one.

    It freaked me the fuck out when I was a kid. FREAKED ME OUT.

    • What other endings are there?

      • Gah, I can’t remember! I do remember hearing about it on some UFO show (I was heavy into UFOs in the 90’s). I think one of them, they return the people and fly away without Richard Dreyfuss.

        And, of course, when I Google it, I come away with exactly Jack and shit and a bunch of crappy fan-composed “how the movie could have ended.”

        It’s infuriating.
        Baldeesh recently posted..For the Love of Shawls…

  2. That’s the only ending I’ve ever seen before.

    Like you, I was underwhelmed by it.

    However, I ~love~ Jaws.

  3. Shemaiah says:

    I have never seen this movie either. It definitely sounds different!!

  4. I’m with you. That was one freakishly weird movie.

    Also, what about the main character’s WIFE? Sucks to be her, huh?
    Sheila recently posted..Blue flowers- opinions- and a toddler

  5. UFOs continue to be unknown right up until a rational rationalization are offered to understand them. Leaping from checking out a UFO to another conclusion that it’s an alien spacecraft is however an additional query, which is exactly what demands the proof.1 certain double twirl on ufo.

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