I haven’t felt like participating in a Writer’s Workshop lately, but I am finding myself a bit dry in the inspiration department. I don’t have much to say right now that hasn’t already been said. My kid had a gross, blistery rash which she so generously shared and contaminated her father with, my mom is still dead, I’m still working, etc.
SO, I turned to Mama Kat once more for ideas. This is the prompt I chose.
Ten years ago on this day, I was eighteen years old and living with a man 9 years my senior. I cannot be more specific, because save for special dates and memorable occasions who the hell remembers exactly what they were doing on any given day ten years in the past? I tried turning to my old LiveJournal to see if I’d written an entry detailing my day, but all I came up with was some WHAT COLOR FLOWER ARE YOU? quiz or some shit like that. I took a lot of those.
Ten years ago, I was working at a movie theater for $5.15 an hour. I know, right? I thought it was the greatest job ever, because I got to see free movies and eat free popcorn whenever I wanted. I also got to wear a rad vest and bowtie.
Ten years ago, I had been in Chattanooga less than a year. Ten years ago on this day I can confidently tell you that I was thinner. Ten years ago on this day, I had never given birth. I had never had a miscarriage. On this day ten years ago, I hadn’t ever had to make the decision to put my mother into hospice care, and then watch as her body ceased to function as she died. On this day ten years ago, the thought that people went through that kind of thing every day wasn’t something that entered my head even for a fleeting moment.
Ten years ago on this day, I hadn’t yet met the woman who is now my best friend. I had no idea that she and I would become friends, lose touch for a while and then have daughters two weeks (to the day) apart. I had no idea that we’d work together for a second time and become almost like sisters.
Ten years ago on this day I thought I had everything figured out. I was in love with my boyfriend; I was content with my little job, with my little life. I was honestly just glad to not be living in the overwhelming, dark presence of my crazy, manic mother anymore.
On this day ten years ago, I was oblivious as to what the next 3,652 days held in store for me. A break-up. A marriage. A miscarriage first; then giving birth to a daughter. Weight loss. The death of my crazy, manic mother.
On this day ten years ago, I was a completely different person. A girl. I think that if I went back and visited that girl that existed all those years ago, I would not recognize her. I would cock my head and observe her curiously, watch her go about her life as if I were watching the life of a stranger. Would I advise her to do anything differently? Probably not. The actions of that girl molded and shaped her into the woman that she ultimately became; a woman who is now married to a wonderful man, who has an amazing daughter, who has seen and suffered heartbreaking losses and has come through stronger and wiser.
3,652 days is an awfully long time, and an instant all at once. If you blink, you might miss it. I can’t help but smile and wonder what the next 3,652 days have in store.