The other day Josh, Nellie and I were at my in-laws’ house. They live near some woods and a creek, so the three of us decided to take a little walk down so Nellie could see the water and maybe even catch a glimpse of a frog or two. We had a good time for the most part – I say for the most part because I kind of hate nature. I was raised in Chicago where my most exotic outside experience was taking a walk on a paved sidewalk with some trees on either side of me. My husband grew up playing on a creek bank, catching crawfish (UGH) and running around barefoot.

I digress. We had a fine time and went about the rest of our day happily. The next day we were all sitting on the couch, and Josh raised his pant leg to scratch his calf.

That’s when I saw it.

Me: What is that?
Josh: *leans forward to inspect the black speck on his leg* That? That’s a tick.

Josh: *calmly* Get me some tweezers and and a lighter.

Josh: …………………………

So I go to get the tweezers and lighter, hand them to him and perch on the chair beside him and watch. He points the lighter at his leg.

Me: Wait! You’ll burn your leg hairs!
He pauses, then grabs the tick with the tweezers. He yanks it out of his leg, muttering something about it being “really stuck in there”.


After he extracts the tick he proceeds to burn it with the lighter (CHILL THE FUCK OUT PETA IT’S A TICK, NOT A KITTEN). After he’s done, I glance at his leg.

Me: Did you get the head out? It might be stuck in your leg.
Josh: So?
Me: It might get infected.

He leans to inspect his leg again and after a moment of consideration he nods.

Josh: Get me my razor.
Me: Why do you need your razor?
Josh: So I can cut it out. The head is still in there.


Josh: ……………..

I get up and get his razor. I watch in horror as he proceeds to CUT HIS OWN LEG WITH A STRAIGHT-EDGE RAZOR AND EXTRACT THE TICK’S HEAD FROM HIS FLESH. The whole time, he is the picture of calm. His expression never changes – he never winces or whimpers. He digs in his leg with that razor as calmly as if he were doing a crossword puzzle. Meanwhile, I’m all

It is then that I realize that my husband is actually a caveman, or a gladiator, or something equally as tough. Born too late for the heart that beats in his chest. I see him nonchalantly wipe the blood from his leg and inspect the head of the tick when he finally gets it out, and I can picture him sitting alone on a frontier somewhere, pouring whiskey on his leg and digging a bullet out by firelight without batting an eyelash. Meanwhile, I’m on the verge of vomiting on our carpet and fainting.

Tough husband: I haz one.

Taking Care of Tiny Teeth

There are a lot of things about motherhood that threw me for a loop and left me scratching my head. There are also a lot of things I never thought about before that I have to learn how to do now.

Things like brushing teeth. Teeth that don’t belong to me. Teeth that are tiny and rooted in the mouth of someone else. Someone else who is small, squirmy, and doesn’t like having her teeth brushed.

If you haven’t figured it out by now, I’m talking about my toddler. Up until recently, I’ve been absolutely terrible about sticking to a twice-a-day dental hygiene routine with my two year old. I’d brush her teeth before bed when I remembered to, or when she was in a particularly good mood. Otherwise, I’d either forget or just forgo it entirely because she was tired/cranky/wiggly/screaming etc. You can go ahead and just hand me that Mother of the Year trophy now, thanks.

I’ve heard mixed things from my mom friends on when to take your child to his/her first appointment. Some of them took their kids to the dentist as soon as their first tooth erupted, others waited until they were a little less wiggly and had gotten over their intense fear of strangers. I’ve had in-depth discussions with other moms on their tactics to get their toddlers to hold still and cooperate while brushing their teeth (mine likes to bite the toothbrush and laugh). I have had success with letting my child choose a favorite song for me to sing to her – this keeps her interested, and helps me control how long I brush her teeth by adjusting the tempo of the song. I will also let her “brush” her teeth (which is really her sucking on the bristles and saying “Mmmm toothpaste!”) when I’m finished.

The conflicting information on when to take my girl in for the first time has been confusing, and how to choose one once we’re ready for her first visit has been a little intimidating. I found an extremely helpful website that is both informative in regards to pediatric dentistry and can help choose a local dentist. allows you to search for a dentist near you. There aren’t databases available in every single city in America yet, but they’re adding and expanding every single day. My favorite part of the website is that they have a plethora of articles about the topic that’s most prevalent on my mind – pediatric dentistry. If you search “pediatric” you come up with titles like “The Pediatric Dentist Will See You Now”, “Choosing a Pediatric Dentist”, “Pediatric Dentistry FAQ”, and “Who’s Afraid of the Dentist?”

Okay, so it pretty much covers everything I was curious and in the dark about: when to take my child to a dentist, how to choose a dentist, and even how to deal with a fearful child. doesn’t just cover pediatric dentistry; they cover a multitude of other topics like orthodontics, oral & maxillofacial surgery (think wisdom tooth extraction), cosmetic dentistry and more. There are also topics you can browse for various oral ailments like gingivitis, oral cancer, halitosis and tooth decay.

Raising a little person into a functioning human being can be intimidating; especially with all the responsibility it carries. Fortunately there are websites like this to help take a bit of the guesswork away.

Now if you’ll excuse me, I just realized that I forgot to brush my daughter’s teeth – after she ate a bag of doughnuts.

I’m kidding.



Disclosure: This post was brought to you by I really do have a child and she really does have teeth. I also really do forget to brush them sometimes. The opinions and statements in this post are 100% honest, and 100% my own.

In Her Time of Dying: Mother’s Day

I’ve vaguely thought about the annual holiday that’s coming up in May, the first one that I will have in my life without the person whom the holiday is in honor of:


Despite my complicated relationship with my mom, she was still my mom and I do have a few good memories of things I did for her on Mother’s Day: surprised her by showing up at an Olive Garden in Bloomington, Illinois (when I lived in Chattanooga, Tennessee), picked her lilacs from our neighbor’s yard when I was young, announced that I was pregnant with Nellie. I haven’t been sure how I feel about this first Mother’s Day without her, as I was not very actively involved in her life for the last three years.

I got an e-mail from a group I work with sometimes on my blog for a Mother’s Day photo caption contest and my heart stopped in my chest. I began reading contest’s description; send a special picture of you and your mother with a sentimental caption, and enter for a chance to win a gift basket. I stared at a beautiful black-and-white photo of a young bride on her wedding day, smiling happily at her beaming mother.

An overwhelming sense of loss, of sadness, of mourning a relationship we never had and all the feelings of disappointment over my life with her came rushing at me at once. I contemplated, for a second, submitting a photo into the contest and was at a loss of what photo to include. Even if I were to send in a picture, what could I possibly say?
“This is me kissing my mom on the cheek on my wedding day – the photographer made me do it.”
“Here we are at my baby shower. I invited her because I felt like I had to, she embarrassed me during it, and she looks zonked out of her mind on pain pills.”
“This one’s my mom at my bedside after the birth of my daughter – I was extraordinarily uncomfortable in this picture.”

As I tried to imagine what the hell I would submit and say, the knot of sadness in my stomach wound itself tighter. As Mother’s Day approaches – my first one without the woman who gave birth to me around – I am feeling those conflicted emotions all over again. Do I miss her? Am I glad she’s gone? What – and who, exactly – am I mourning?
I think it’s the relationship that we never had, and will never have. The glowing daughter, the beaming mother. The desperate phone calls begging her for advice on what to do while my newborn is screaming and I’m standing, helpless and unsure of what to do. The hugs, the tears, the laughter, the secrets whispered.  It’s something I’ve always wanted – envied others for having – and the holiday that celebrates the women who gave birth to us is just another reminder that I don’t have a mom and never will. I suppose all I can do is go forward and take these feelings as motivation to make sure my daughter never has to struggle and wonder what photo and caption to submit should the chance arise for her to enter such a contest, and be to her what I never had myself.

Monica Meade Photography Photo Shoot

A few weekends ago, Nellie and I had the pleasure of being photographed by a local photographer, Monica Meade. We headed out to a local park and had a blast taking pictures. Nellie was kind of difficult about posing for pictures, so instead we decided to just kind of let her do her own thing and take photos that way. It’s kind of like taking pictures of a wild animal in its habitat.

Those are just a few of the fruits of Monica’s labor chasing Nellie around. She was awesome to work with – she even surprised Nellie with a few sunflowers for her to carry around. Nellie still talks about “kee-king peek-tures” with her “sunfowers” and “frowing wocks in water” (for those of you who don’t speak toddler, that’s “taking pictures with her sunflowers and throwing rocks in the water”).

Check out Monica’s blog and Facebook page, where you can see more of the photos from the shoot. She’s also got an ad on the sidebar of the blog here. For anyone in the Chattanooga area, I would highly recommend setting up a session with Monica. She’s offering specials right now – her prices won’t last long so take advantage now!

Starring Role: Mommy.

Everyone gave me such encouragement on my last blog post about auditioning for the musical – thank you everyone for your words of support and the wishes to break legs. It meant so much to me.

Nellie started running a fever on Monday – I had to take her home early from daycare. My Monday plans for auditioning fell through – but auditions were still being held the next night so I made plans to go on Tuesday evening.

I was tucking my feverish baby into bed Monday night and as I bent down to kiss her forehead, she put her little hands on either side of my face, looked into my eyes and said, “Mama.”

And in that moment, I lost all motivation and want to audition for the musical.  In that moment, I became hyper-aware of the fact that my daughter was constantly changing, that each day she would re-invent herself.  I thought about all that I would miss out on while I was away; her funny little laugh, her running around the apartment declaring she was Spider-Man, chasing Josh around and growling at him saying she was The Beast.. Her little kisses, her “I Love You’s”… Suddenly, the thought of being away from her every single night for two months became unbearable. I got to thinking about how she missed me when I was gone during my mom’s time in the hospital; how she had trouble sleeping for weeks after, how she acted out, and I couldn’t bring myself to put her through that again.

I closed the door to her bedroom and sat beside my husband on the couch. He put his arm around me and I snuggled close, and told him that I wasn’t going to audition. He looked at me, concerned, and I told him my reasons. I couldn’t be away from my family every single night for two months. Not right now. We are all away from each other so much as it is between working, daycare, and the business of day-to-day life that our time together is precious and fleeting.

There will be other shows. There will be other opportunities. The theater center isn’t going anywhere, and as long as it is there, they will have musicals. But my child will only be this young once, and I’ll be damned if I’m going to miss out on the chance to tuck her in before she gets too old to want me to do it. The stage will just have to wait – my starring role right now is Mommy.



First, I’d like to spaz and squee a little bit. I got my Mama Kat Writer’s Workshop Prompt in my inbox this Tuesday, and saw my name attached to one of her prompts as inspiration (“What Did You Want Your Name to Be?”). I feel like a rock star. I just had to share that little bit of info, because it’s super exciting to me! I’m not writing my own prompt, but a different one.

Moving right along..

Mama’s Losin’ It

One of my favorite things is performing. I was in a few musicals in high school, was always in choir, and as an adult joined a local Sweet Adelines (women’s a capella barbershop) chorus. I’ve had to stop going to chorus temporarily as my life has gotten crazy, busy, and I just didn’t have the energy to go every week. But I do miss it. I love the thrill of stepping out on stage, the applause of the audience, feeding off their energy.

On Monday, I will be auditioning for a local production of the musical Hair.

I’m really excited. I’m really nervous. I’m a little intimidated and terrified of the rehearsal schedule (if I make the show, of course). 5-6 nights a week, 3 hours a night. Ack! But it’s only for a few weeks, and I know that I am going to absolutely love it if I do make the show. I listen to songs from the musical and imagine myself as one of the characters. I think about what it will be like to get on stage again and participate in musical theater again, and the thought thrills me and gives me butterflies. I’ve wanted to audition for shows at this particular theater before, but they’ve never really done a musical that I was really excited about – until this one. I have always loved the music from this show, I love the time period it is set in, and I’m a little bit of a hippie at heart so once I heard they were putting the show on this summer I knew I had to audition.

Sometimes when I’m driving in my car and a song from Hair comes on, I sing along at the top of my lungs, imagining what it will be like if I make the show. I’d ask for you to wish me good luck, but in theater world that’s bad luck. So…. Wish me a broken leg, if you are so inclined. This time next week, I could be a member of The Tribe.


Kale with Carrots, Feta, and Brown Rice

A vital part of my clean eating is finding and trying out new recipes.  Up until recently, I haven’t been much of a cook but I’ve really enjoyed expanding my cookbook and collecting new recipes. One thing I like to do is find recipes from non-clean eating sites/sources and try and adapt them to be clean. I found this recipe from the Whole Foods app I have on my iPhone. It’s kale with carrots and feta, served over brown rice and it’s delicious!


  • 2 carrots, shredded
  • 2 bunches of dark leafy greens (you can use kale, collard greens or Swiss chard), tough stems removed, leaves very thinly sliced
  • 1/4 teaspoon salt
  • 1/2 teaspoon ground black pepper
  • 1/4 pound crumbled feta cheese
  • 1 cup whole grain brown rice (cooked)
  • 1/4 cup water


Prepare your brown rice per package instructions. Brown rice usually takes 30-45 minutes to cook, so you’ll want to do this before you begin cooking your veggies.

While your rice is cooking, now is a good time for your veggie prep work. Cut the ends off your carrots and peel them.

Once you have them peeled of their skin, you need to shred them. The best way I could find to do it is to use the carrot peeler – I’m sure there is a better way but I’m still not real savvy in the ways of kitchen utensils. So I just hacked at the carrots with the peeler until I was left with carrot shreds.

Next up is your kale. The recipe says to thinly slices the leaves, taking care not to include the tough stems. I used a small knife and cut along the leaves until they were thin enough, until toward the end I got impatient and just started tearing them and throwing them into a colander to be washed. Maybe I need a Slap Chop?

If it’s looking like your rice is only lacking about ten minutes or so, go ahead turn your heat on under a large skillet and add the carrots, greens, water, salt, and pepper.

Cover and cook on low/low-medium, tossing once or twice, until your greens are wilted and tender (10-15 minutes). Once your greens are cooked, toss the feta cheese in and turn off the heat.

I ended up using way more feta than the recipe called for, because I love feta with big fat sparkle hearts.  Once your brown rice is nice and fluffy, dish some rice out into a bowl and spoon your kale/carrot/feta mixture over it. I mixed mine all together to make a big pile of deliciousness.

Salt and pepper to taste, add more feta if it tickles your fancy, and enjoy your delicious, healthy meal!

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Homemade, Natural Deodorant

Hi friends! I posted recently about my new obsession with coconut oil, have been doing much better with eating clean, and have now become interested in the idea of making my own beauty/hygiene products. It all began with experimenting with the coconut oil as deodorant – rubbing just it under my arms. It worked okay, but I knew from a friend and coworker that there were other methods of using homemade, natural deodorant. I decided to take the plunge and make my own.

Why Natural Deodorant?
If you do a little Googling, or look on your favorite stick of deodorant under the ingredients list, you may begin to discover that there are some less-than-savory things packed into your little speed stick. Ingredients like:

  • Aluminum chlorohydrate, aluminum zirconium tetrachlorohydrex gly.
  • Parabens (methyl, ethyl, propyl, benzyl and butyl)
  • Triclosan
  • Talc
  • Silica
  • Steareth-n

You can read more about exactly what all of these ingredients are, and what absorbing them into your body can mean at this website. Long story short, those are things we do not want absorbed into our bodies – especially not in the delicate tissue under the arms, which is so very close to our breast tissue.

As far as antiperspirant goes – the very concept of antiperspirant goes against what our bodies are made to do. Our bodies are made to sweat; that’s how we get rid of toxins. So think about it: if the toxins that your body is trying to release aren’t getting released.. Where are they going?

Won’t I Stink?
Nope. Well, I don’t. I’ve been using my natural deodorant for several days now and I do not smell bad. I mostly smell like nothing – with a hint of coconut. I went through a short, one-day detox period where my pits were a little fragrant. Some go through longer detox periods, some don’t go through any at all.

Is It More Expensive?
I pay about $3.50 for a stick of deodorant every two months or so. The items used to make natural deodorant are approximately:

  • $.99 for a container of baking soda.
  • $5.00 for a box of organic cornstarch.
  • $9.00 for a 16 oz jar of extra virgin, unrefined, cold-pressed coconut oil.

This brings the total cost to about $15.00, which is significantly more than one stick of deodorant initially but here’s the thing: you’ll be able to make multiple batches of your own deodorant from this. I don’t anticipate having to buy more ingredients for months.

Okay. So How Do I Make It?
Well, I will tell you! I made my own batch the other night and took pictures.

First, decide if you want to put your finished product in a jar/tupperware contaner and apply by hand (which is perfectly fine), or if you want to take the time to clean out an old deodorant stick. It’s easiest if you take one that’s almost empty. I had a hard time cleaning out the deodorant from all the little nooks and crannies, but I took a sharp knife to dig everything out, ran it under cold water, rubbed it down with a wet rag and finally got it acceptably clean.

I did notice a residual smell of my old deodorant, so I sprinkled some baking soda and then rubbed in some coconut oil to get rid of the old smell – that worked like a charm!

For this, you will need three basic ingredients: Baking soda, cornstarch (or arrowroot powder, if you prefer), and extra virgin, unrefined, cold-pressed coconut oil. Some people put in a few drops of tea tree oil or other essential oils. I don’t recommend tea tree oil unless you don’t have sensitive skin.

Take equal parts of all of your ingredients and put them in a mixing bowl. I used my Kitchen Aid mixer; you can mix by hand, but it might get difficult as the consistency of the mixture changes. I began with 4 teaspoons of each product; 4 tsp of baking soda, 4 tsp of cornstarch, 4 tsp of coconut oil. You can put the coconut oil in solid, or as an oil (coconut oil becomes an oil at around 75 degrees Fahrenheit.

Turn your mixer on the lowest setting and begin mixing. You may need to stop midway through to scrape some of the ingredients back down into the bowl (just like anything you’re mixing). Soon the consistency will begin to look more solid.

You will find that the consistency is very close to actual deodorant – it’s a little less slippery. Once you’ve gotten everything mixed, spoon out a little bit and smoosh it into your empty deodorant stick. As you pack it in, click the deodorant backward so it lowers back down. Repeat this until your mixture is packed all the way into the deodorant stick.

If you decide to just put it in a jar, just spoon it out into your container and you’re done! Some people store their finished product in the fridge, especially if their home gets hot during the day. The coconut oil may melt if it reaches above a certain temperature. I put my stick in the fridge for a while but it was super hard when I took it out, so I decided to store mine in a dark closet. When you apply the stick to your armpits, don’t rub like you normally would – just blot it. If you like, you can put some on your fingers and rub it in a little. Some people report some skin irritation – this is from the baking soda. If you experience this, use a little less baking soda in your next batch.

I’ve used this for a few days now, and even with it being 80 degrees here in Tennessee lately, I haven’t had any body odor issues whatsoever. I love my new deodorant, and am thrilled that I don’t have to worry about my body absorbing any icky chemicals! Feel free to leave suggestions/questions/feedback in the comments.

Enjoy your new beauty product!

The Life of a Princess


Mama’s Losin’ It

“Natalie! Natalie,” my mother called.

I sighed, lifting my head from resting against my silky, luxurious pillows. I stroked my pet tiger and impatiently wondered how many times I had to tell her that I’d left my old name and identity behind. I lowered my head back down to rest. I closed my eyes, basking in the glow of my princess-ness.


With a heavy sigh, I heaved myself up from my comfortable pile of softness and trudged toward the urgent sound of my mother’s voice. I turned the corner and pushed aside the beaded curtain, and my imaginary palace filled with exotic plants, pet tiger and lush colors draped over every surface dissolved around me. I was standing in our kitchen where my mother was looking at me. I stomped into the room, hands on my hips and glared at her defiantly.

“My name isn’t Natalie anymore. What did I tell you?!”
She rolled her eyes and sighed.
“Sorry. I forgot. Jasmine?”
I stared at her some more.
“PRINCESS Jasmine?”
My expression softened and I dropped my hands back to my sides.
“Yes?” I asked sweetly.
“What do you want for lunch?”

I had just seen the Disney movie Aladdin, and I was a girl obsessed, determined only to answer to the name Princess Jasmine.

I gave her my lunch demands like a good princess and retreated back to the solitude of my fantasy world. I pushed aside the beaded curtain and was once again immersed into the world of Princess Jasmine waiting for my Aladdin to come rescue me from my miserable, pent-up life. My bed served as my throne of pillows, my pet cat Ed transformed into my friendly tiger and confidante Raja. I wallowed and pined and lamented to “Raja” how terrible life as a princess was.

My demand that my family address me only as Princess Jasmine would soon be overthrown by my new insistence that my family call me Mary Anne – in homage to my favorite character in the Baby Sitter’s Club. But for now, I was happy lounging about fantasizing about far-off places and being whisked away on adventures on a magic carpet ride. A girl’s gotta have a dream, right?

Coconut Oil Madness!

I’ve fallen off the bandwagon with clean eating – hard. I’m trying to get back into it. I went grocery shopping the other day and made some really good, clean food choices. One of the things that I bought at my local organic grocery store was coconut oil.


Image source: google



I’ve heard a lot of really positive things about coconut oil lately. I think the first thing I read about it I found from Pinterest, and then I read a very funny blog post from one of my favorite internet ladies, Jenna Marbles, about how magical coconut oil is. I think the actual words she used were, “Imagine if Jesus and Lady Gaga made a MAC Viva Glam product out of pure unicorn blood and then Ghandi blessed it after it was filtered through a rainbow of infant tears on top of Mount Everest and it dropped down from the sky to the bottom of the Pacific Ocean where a narwhal incubated it to it’s maturity and sold it Johnny Appleseed where he planted it on the holy grounds of Jerusalem and it sprouted into a glitter explosion of pure amazingness.” (source:

Coconut oil has a plethora of uses for beauty, health, cosmetic, cleaning, cooking, and a lot more. A good place to start with information on coconut oil is this post, 160 Uses For Coconut Oil.
Once I got my coconut oil I was eager to try it. The first thing I did with it was smell it. Not surprisingly, it smells amazing because it’s coconut oil. It smells like coconuts. Are you shocked? Most of the things I’ve read about coconut oil suggest ingesting it. One of the Pinterest sites advised “eating a heaping tablespoon for a natural burst of energy”. So the other night as I was cooking my chili, I dug a spoon in and collected some of the magical coconut oil. I shoved it in my mouth., and then I almost vomited in my kitchen sink.
It doesn’t taste bad. It pretty much tastes like nothing, with a hint of coconut. Wrap your brain around THAT one. What’s nasty is the consistency. When the oil isn’t heated, it actually clumps together but is also coated in oil. So eating a spoonful of coconut oil is like swallowing a big, greasy lump of slightly coconut-flavored slippery gunk. Note to self: buy some ingredients to make a smoothie and use coconut oil in said smoothie. Blech. It’s a lot more tolerable when you put it in a cup of hot tea.

Nellie just happened to have a diaper rash the night I bought the coconut oil, so I rubbed some on her butt and I’m not kidding you: the next morning the rash was GONE. And it was a pretty nasty rash. I was way impressed, even if she screamed and ran away from my coconut oil-covered hands because she didn’t want them touching her. What does she know? She’s a toddler.

In a spontaneous and way crunchy/hippie move, I also decided to try it as a deodorant. I rubbed some coconut oil under my armpits.  It works pretty well – I’m no more stinky by the end of the day than I usually am with normal deodorant. I am planning on trying out a homemade recipe though. I sometimes think I am a San Franciso-living 1960’s hippie trapped in a 21st century body. Except that I really like the internet and would be sad if I didn’t have an iPhone. That’s not very hippie of me, is it?

I’ve also started using coconut oil as a method of washing my skin – for a few days, I’ve been exclusively utilizing the “oil-cleansing method”. I know the thought of rubbing oil on your face probably has you cringing with visions of pimples dancing in your head. But contrary to popular believe, pimples and acne aren’t caused by oil but by a number of factors including bacteria, hormones, buildup of dead skin cells and several other things that will clog your pores with impurities. Basically, the oil-cleansing method is a natural way to restore the balance of natural oils to your face, while still cleansing your skin. You use castor oil and another oil of your choice. A lot of people use olive oil, sunflower oil, almond oil, etc. I decided to give the coconut oil a try. The castor oil draws out impurities from your pores and the oil of your choice adds natural, healthy oils back to your skin. You can read a more in-depth description of how to do the OCM here.

I’ve been doing the OCM for a little less than a week – I really like the way my skin feels. I only do it at night and in the morning, I splash my face with a little cold water and use just a dab of coconut oil if my skin feels a bit tight. I have noticed that my pores are purging a little and I do have some blemishes – which is to be expected.
I’m going to do the OCM with the coconut oil for another week or so before I make up my mind totally – if my skin doesn’t clear within 1-2 weeks I will probably switch to castor and olive oil. I think that the method is wonderful, but from what I’ve read from other people who do the OCM is that it sometimes takes a little while to find the perfect oil combination for your skin.

Will the OCM work for my skin (who, we’ve already established is a stupid asshole) or will I break out like a screaming, frothing Justin Bieber fan? Will ingesting it give me superhuman flying/jumping/x-ray vision powers? Stay tuned to find out.