Shit My Toddler Says

So the “Shit my Blah Blah Blah Says” is still relevant, right? Right. Good, great, grand. Wonderful. Here’s some shit my toddler says.

Me: *walking on the treadmill after putting Nellie to bed*
Nellie’s Door: *knock knock knock*
Nellie: MAMA. MAMA!
Me: *gets off the treadmill. Opens her door* Yes, Nellie?
Nellie: Mama, you busy?

(I’m holding Nellie, crossing the street to take her to daycare)
Nellie: Mama, cars coming?
Me: No, Nellie, we made sure no cars were coming.
Nellie: …….. Batman coming?


Me: So I heard that the Avengers made like, over $200 million at the box office opening weekend.
Nellie: HO-LEE THIT!
Me & Josh: *muffled laughter and snorting*


Me: Nellie, you’re my sweet baboo.
Nellie: No. No, I not fweet baboon!
Me: You’re not my sweet baboo?
Nellie: No. I fweet chimpanzee.

Nellie: Daddy. I Frodo.
Josh: You’re Frodo?
Nellie: Yeah. And Bella {Nellie’s best friend} Sam.
Josh: Bella is Sam, huh? Who am I?
Nellie: Gollum.

(Nellie and I are in the grocery store. She has a cough.)
Nellie: *cough cough cough cough*
Me: You ok, baby?
Nellie *cough cough coughcough cough hack cough* GOLLUM! GOLLUM!
Me: *falls down laughing*


Me: Daddy, a boy kissed Nellie at school today.
Josh: What! Nellie, did a boy kiss you?
Nellie: Uh-huh. On forehead.
Josh: What! Who is this young man?
Nellie: Rocco.
Josh: Did you like when he kissed you on the forehead?
Nellie: Yah.
Josh: Are you going to let him do it again?
Nellie: Mmm hmm.
Josh: I need to know more about this young man. Does he have a job?
Nellie: Yeah.
Josh: Where does he work?
Nellie: Groceries.

What’s some funny shit that your toddler says?


  1. I really like the one about the chimpanzee and the coughing one. I almost died laughing just now. Nellie's awesome.

  2. Hilarious. Cosby was on to something back in the day…

    Once Natalie Williamson invited me to play a word game with her. Here were the rules: a person says a letter, which is the first letter of the word the other person must guess.

    Natalie: Mine starts with a 'A'.
    Bryan: Airplane?
    Natalie: Nope
    Bryan: Aarvark?
    Natalie: Nope
    Bryan: Aerodynamic?
    Natalie: Ummm…. Nope!
    Bryan: Archive?
    Natalie: Nope. Purple!
    Jay (Her Dad): Yeah, Bryan, she can't spell.

  3. The note from our babysitter yesterday said “I asked Theo what he had in his pocket on his shirt, teasing him. He answered ‘cottage cheese.’ I asked ‘cottage cheese!?!’ He said ‘yes, I forgot to eat some. I put cottage cheese in there. And I forgot to eat it.’ He was holding/exploring his pocket while he was explaining. He is so silly!”
    candice recently posted..Dexter’s circus-themed birthday party, Part 2

  4. Just last night, The Punkin told me she wanted to give me an Escalator Kiss, then proceeded to rub her nose to mine and give me an Eskimo Kiss.

  5. ROFLMAO!!!

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