Math is the Devil.

I want to thank everyone who commented, “liked”, Tweeted, or supported me in other ways regarding my post “outing” myself as a high school dropout. I was in no way, shape, or form prepared for the outpouring of love and support that I received regarding going to get my GED. I’ve carried this secret around with me for so long, and have been so embarrassed and ashamed to admit that I never finished high school that I wasn’t sure what to expect when I posted about it on my blog. But my friends, my family, my coworkers and my blog readers have been cheering me on through this whole thing so far, and for that, I thank each and every one of you.

So, what’s happened since I posted? A LOT. Last Wednesday, I took my Fast Track course. Which was, in a word, interesting. In two words, it was interesting and scary. In THREE words, it was interesting, scary, and mind-numbing. In FOUR words, bacon.

The Fast Track course was four hours long, concentrating on two specific portions of the test: the essay-writing and the math.

DUN DUN DUN.

The word “math” is enough to send me into a corner, curled into a fetal position and sobbing like a little bitch. I am just awful at math. I’m not exaggerating. I didn’t mention my scores from the assessment test in the last post: very high in English and Literature and in math? 5th grade. I’m. Not. Kidding. Grade 5. Naturally, after receiving the piece of news that my math skills are on par with a TEN YEAR OLD CHILD,  I was eager to get into the Fast Track class and brush up on my math skills.

We tackled the essay writing portion first, which was not a problem for me. I scored the highest score possible (on a scale of 1-4) and then steeled myself for two hours of math. In the course of those two hours, my brain was assaulted with terms like hypotenuse, isosceles, acute, parallelogram, area, perimeter and STABBING FOREVER.

Okay, so that last phrase was just in my head. Whatever. The interaction in the class went something like this:

Teacher: Okay, so now we’re going to figure out the hypotenuse of this triangle.
Me, Mentally: WHAT THE FUCK IS A HYPOTENUSE? I CAN SPELL IT, WATCH: HYP-
Teacher: To figure out the Hypotenuse-
Me, Mentally: THERE’S THAT WORD AGAIN
Teacher: – you take *insert Charlie Brown teacher “wah-wah” noise while I stare at her in wide-eyed terror* Got it?
Me, Mentally: WORST DAY OF MY LIFE
Teacher: Now, who remembers Pythagorean’s Theorem?
Me, Mentally: I LIKE SKITTLES
Student Who is A Robot For Remembering: a2 + b2 = c2? (AUTHOR’S NOTE: I had to Google “Pythagorean theorem” to remember what the actual formula was. I WIN AT THE MATHS)
Teacher: Correct!
Me, Mentally: RED SKITTLES ARE MY FAVORITE

You get the gist. That’s pretty much how the Fast Track course went. I won’t say it wasn’t helpful, because it did make the Official Practice Test slightly less intimidating and I did feel a little more prepared to tackle some of the problems I encountered on the test (more about the practice test in the next post). When I walked out of the classroom that afternoon I felt like someone had been bouncing a basketball off my face for two hours.

After Thursday’s class was over, I had one part of the process down and had two more to go: The Official Practice Test, and providing I passed that, the actual GED test. Stay tuned to see how my Official Practice Test went!

P.S. in case your math skills are amazing like mine and you were wondering, this is a hypotenuse. No judgments. Fifth grade math skills UNITE.