I Win At Cakes

So you know those moms who throw elaborately themed birthday parties, hand make all the favors, sew their kid a birthday outfit, and bake and decorate an amazing looking cake?

Yeah, I’m not that mom. For my kid’s classroom birthday party I bought a 24 pack of mini cupcakes with Valentine’s Day candies on them. Winning!

For some reason, though, I’ve been determined every year to bake Nellie a birthday cake to bring to her family get together. We don’t do anything large or lavish, just her close family members to celebrate her turning another year older.

Here’s the thing: I am terrible at this. The cakes taste fine; I don’t do anything fancier than a yellow cake with chocolate frosting… Though this year I almost went crazy and got Funfetti cake. WATCH OUT! IT’S WACKY IN HERE!

I didn’t, though. I stuck with yellow cake, chocolate icing. I digress. Here are her first and second birthday cakes, side-by-side:


I’ll wait for you to stop laughing before I continue.

Anyway after last year’s disaster attempt, I turned to Pinterest for inspiration for her third birthday cake. I found something that I knew not even I could mess up. It was perfect and simple! Here is the cake:

SOURCE: http://www.flickr.com/photos/brinkenzi/6973386233/

I was confident that I could pull this off. After all, it’s a white cake. With a stencil. Surrounded by festive colorful sprinkles. Easy peasy, right?

Ahem.

My first mistake was waiting until the last second to get the decorating supplies. I took Nellie shopping. Let her pick out the frosting color and the type of sprinkles. Couldn’t find a large “3” stencil. Settled on a wax candle in the shape of a 3 instead. It’ll work out fine! It’ll be great. Cutest ever.

Instead of telling you what went wrong, well… I will just show you.

Yyyyyyyeah.

Okay so seriously, what the fuck happened?  My cake looks like a faerie sneezed all over a pile of mud and then tap danced in the middle of her snot-covered mud pile, leaving teensy footprints smack in the middle of the cake.

Maybe next year I will just buy a cake. Yes? Yes. But I probably won’t, because I obviously don’t learn from my mistakes. The best part of all of this?

My kid didn’t even want to eat the damn cake.

SNOB.