Welcome to my randomly-titled post.
I think that this has officially been the longest I’ve gone without posting here in a long time. It’s been a week. I honestly don’t remember the last time I went this long without a post.. But I’ve been busy.
The Zoloft seems to be helping as far as I can tell, though the anxiety/depression has always waxed and waned so I’m not sure if the medicine is helping lift the fog, or if I’m just going through a “clear” period. I do know that the first few days on the medication made me nauseous as hell which wasn’t much fun. One thing I failed to mention about my doctor’s appointment is that I’m ten pounds lighter than I was this time last year, which surprised me and is pretty cool. I’m still technically obese (I say ‘technically’ because I think the BMI scale was actually created by either Nazis, or Kate Moss who may or may not be a robot. Robot Nazis, maybe. I’m not sure but whoever did it is an asshole) but I was happy to see that I have lost some weight.. Even though I haven’t really been doing anything different.
I’m feeling happier. I’m getting more joy out of things. I went to chorus last night and for the first time in a while, thinking about going didn’t make me feel anxious and worried. We had a really great, long holiday weekend with a little surprise. And by “little surprise” I don’t mean that I’m pregnant. Just getting that out there. We dropped Nellie off at the grandparents’ and went to a car dealership to see about trading our 2006 Hyundai in. We had plans to just ask if it was even possible, as we still owed money on it. It had almost 100k miles on it, and was beginning to fail us and was on the verge of costing us a lot of money. Four hours and a lot of “don’t get your hopes up” looks at each other later, we drove off the lot with a brand new, 2012 Ford car. Yeah, I know. I was shocked too and I’m still in denial that it’s ours. I keep expecting the car salesman to call us and tell us to bring it back; that they were just fucking with us. The payments are a little more a month, but my name is on the lease (it wasn’t on the Tuscon) and it’s going to build my credit score. Which is awesome. It also has a SYNC system, which means I can do certain stuff with my voice and it makes me feel like I’m piloting a spaceship. I can hook up my iPod and push a button and be like “PLAY.” and it’ll fucking play. And then I can be like, “CALL. JOSH.” and it’ll totally call Josh. Except sometimes it misunderstands me, and will dial someone that I totally don’t want to talk to and I’m left frantically trying to get it to stop by pushing random buttons on my steering wheel and yelling, “NO! NO! END CALL. END CALL! NO!” and I swear to God sometimes I can hear the car laughing at me. Did I mention the Zoloft is working?
We had a nice cookout at Josh’s sister’s place on Sunday, and Nellie got to swim and eat lots of stuff. Mostly cookies and a hot dog. I swear to crap, this child is going to turn into a freaking hot dog. She eats so many of them and I hate it because they’re so unhealthy, but I’m kind of just glad she’s eating so I just pretend they’re turnips, or really weird looking pieces of lettuce.
So anyway, that’s my totally random update about my car that’s awesome but is also fucking with my head, my kid’s hot dog obsession and my mental health.