Judgemental Parents

I judge.

You judge.

Everyone judges each other, just a little bit.

Some of us are more judgemental than others, and it’s never been more obvious to me than since I became a parent. Before I became a mother, when I’d hear about women choosing to formula feed I’d turn my nose up, scoff, and say, “WHY would you CHOOSE formula if you can breastfeed? That’s so selfish.”

Now? I get it. I’m all for attempting to breastfeed and I think that women who stick with breastfeeding are awesome. It’s hard. It’s really, really hard and sometimes it’s just too damn hard for some women.

But you know what? If a woman chooses to formula feed because it’s easier or because it works better for her and her family, then that’s her fucking prerogative. It’s none of my, or your, goddamned business.

I came across a Twitter-er/blogger who claimed herself as judgemental in her very name. I’m sorry, what? Why would you advertise yourself as judgemental? Being judgemental is not a positive thing. Being a judgemental person sucks. This person announced that formula feeding, crib sleeping, and disposable diapering were all inferior parenting choices and those who chose to do them were bad parents. She added a comment saying that if circumstances were beyond one’s control and they had to formula feed, disposable diaper, or independently sleep then that was different. That was okay. But voluntarily choosing those things? AWFUL PARENTS.

I think that this is so ridiculous, and so unhelpful to those of us WHO DO CHOOSE THAT. I formula feed. I made the choice to stop breastfeeding because it was making me miserable, and because I was a better mother to my daughter when I stopped. I choose to disposable diaper because it’s what works for me. I don’t HAVE $300 to drop on a cloth diapering starter kit. I don’t HAVE the time to launder diapers. I work, I share a car with my husband who also works.. Yes, we could budget and scrimp and save and eventually buy cloth diapers but you know what? I don’t fucking want to. I don’t want to spend my free time scraping poop into the toilet, hanging my diapers out, laundering them, etc. I’d rather spend that with my husband and baby. I chose to crib sleep because I can’t co-sleep. I’ve brought Nellie in to my bed, and when I do I get no sleep. None. Whatsoever. Because I am constantly watching her and startling myself awake to make sure I’m not rolling over on her, or smothering her accidentally with a pillow. Also? I believe that my bed belongs to me, and my husband. It’s the one place that we can spend as a couple and do the things that couples do, which is have sex. There will be times when Nellie is older and has a nightmare, or is sick and in those cases I will allow her to crawl into bed with us because it brings her comfort. But as for every day sleeping? Co-sleeping is not for us.

So, tell me something. My child has formula in her tummy, has Huggies on her butt and is about to be put down for a nap in her crib. I am holding her in my arms, right now, as I type this. Snuggling her. Kissing her cheeks and in awe of how much I love this child. I would die for her. I would sell my soul for her. I would kill someone for hurting her. I would defend her to my very last breath. Am I bad parent because my kid is wearing a disposable diaper with a picture of Winnie the Pooh on her ass? Are you really going to overlook the fact that I’d do absolutely anything for my kid, simply because of the fact that I choose to put her in a disposable diaper?

How does what’s in her belly, on her butt, and where she lays her head matter if she is taken care of, and loved? Why does it matter? My child is loved beyond belief, she always has what she needs and always will.

Everything else is water under the bridge. Why do moms feel the need to attack each other for their choices as parents? We’re all in this parenting thing together. We are all parents, and we all love our children. We all do what we feel is best, and what we think is right. This goes for people who breastfeed and people who formula feed. For cloth diaperers, and ‘sposie diaperers. Whether you co-sleep, or put your kiddo in a crib.. We’re all just doing the best that we can to raise these children. Why can’t we all just support one another and stop being so damned judgemental?