I got off work early yesterday for my weekly doctor visit. After the appointment was over, I had about two hours to kill before picking Josh up from work. I didn’t feel like driving home, sitting for half an hour and then schlepping all the way back across the river to get him, so I hung around the area. I grabbed some lunch at Jason’s Deli (NOM) and camped out there for about an hour reading Dead As a Doornail. After I had eaten my fill of delicious food, I still had about 45 minutes before I needed to leave. I headed to the mall to walk around in an attempt to coax Nellie out. I really shouldn’t say “walk”, I really should say “waddle/plod”.
Hey, Baby, What’s Your Sign?
39 Weeks – Baby Watermelon

How far along? 39 weeks 3 Days
Total weight gain/loss 38 pounds total. Gulp.
Maternity clothes? I’m running out of things that fit!!!!
Stretch marks? UGH. Yes. ALL OVER my hips, and some on the underside of my stomach.
Sleep *thumbs down*
Best moment this week My husband got a full time job!
Movement She’s getting cramped. All her movements are squirms and pushes now.
Food cravings None really.
Gender Girl!
Labor Signs 2 cm dilated. 50% effaced. Baby’s head is at -2 station.
Belly Button in or out? In.
What I miss Being comfortable, and feeling rested.
What I am looking forward to meeting this little girl!!!
Weekly Wisdom Relax and sleep!
Milestones *shrug*
Please. Do NOT Provoke the Preggo.
Now that I’m at the tail-end of my pregnancy, I figured I’d let out a small rant. I think it’s warranted.
- Demanding I choose my due date. For example:
“When are you due?”
“January 17th.”
“Oh, you need to wait until January 22nd to have that baby. That’s when my son, little Junior So-and-So was born!”
“Really. That’s great.”
Honestly, people, I cannot squeeze my legs together and keep the baby in if she wants to come out. Nor can I jump up and down and shake myself like a Coke bottle until she erupts forth from my vagina like a mass of bubbles and fizz. This baby will come when she is ready. - Repeatedly asking me when I am due, especially if I see you on a regular basis. I understand that not everyone is as invested in this pregnancy as my husband and I are. That goes without saying. But if I know you relatively well, and you ask me every single time you see me (which is weekly or more than once a week) when I’m due, I’m going to get tired of sounding like a broken record. I’m going to start making shit up, just to see if you’re paying attention. “FebuMarch 40th, 2010.” Another question that could set off a pregnant woman into a rage is, “When’s that baby gonna get here?” I swear, if I get asked that one more f-ing time, I’m going to lose it. How am I supposed to know when she’s going to be here, for crying out loud? My psychic abilities don’t kick in until I’m 30, sorry.
- Gawking at how big/small I am. You really cannot win with this, folks. It’s best when you see a pregnant woman to say, “Wow, you look wonderful!” I don’t need to hear that I’m huge, nor do I want to hear that I’m super small. I am aware that my belly has grown since you last saw me; that’s what happens when a woman is pregnant. The baby grows, and so does the woman’s belly. It’s been happening for thousands of years, so stop acting so shocked that I have a swollen tummy.
- Staring at me like I have three heads when I mention my birth/parenting style of choice. Or, giving me a sympathetic/condescending smile and tell me that “that’ll change”. Yes, I’m planning a natural childbirth. No, I’m not insane. Yes, I’m aware childbirth hurts. Oh, you had an epidural? That’s fantastic, good for you. Of course I’m aware that I may change my mind, but I’m going to try my best not to. Oh, you wanted a natural childbirth too but just couldn’t do it? I’m sorry, when did my life and yours become the same thing?
No, we’re not planning on co-sleeping. I don’t care if it’s easier to breastfeed in the middle of the night. We’re not doing it. And stop looking at me with that LOOK and tell me to “wait and see, I’ll change my mind”. I’ll stick to my guns JUST TO PROVE YOU WRONG, because I am stubborn, so is my husband and THAT’S HOW WE ROLL. - “When I was pregnant back in 1874” stories. I don’t care what was the breastfeeding style (or lack thereof), clothing style, parenting style, or childbirthing style when you were pregnant back in the Dark Ages. It’s 2009. Times have changed. Get over it.
- Making fun/poking jokes/openly criticizing my kid’s name. This one. Oooohhh, this one just makes my blood boil thinking about it. I’m aware that our name of choice is not run of the mill. Let me explain something. Nellie was my grandmother and she died when I was ten. I have wanted to name my first daughter Nellie pretty much since I was a teenager. I made this clear to my sibling, and all of my cousins: the name Nellie is MINE. I’ve had dibs for a long time. Upon hearing what we’re naming our daughter, I’ve mostly gotten a positive reception but I have gotten a few gems that made me want to fly off the handle and rage. Here are a few:
“Nellie? Like that bitch from Little House on the Prairie?”
“Nellie, huh? Are you gonna call her Nell, like that retard in that movie? HUH HUH.”
“WHOA, NELLIE!”
“Like the rapper?”
And this one, readers.. Was my personal “favorite”. It happened just the other day while I was sitting at work, minding my own business. The following exchange occurred between me and a woman who works in the building I do.
“Hey there Natalie, when’s that baby due?”
*trying not to scream, as I’ve told this woman at least 5 times* “January 17th.”
“And what are you gonna call it?”
“HER name is Nellie Rose.”
“You know she’s going to hate you for naming her that, right?”
This is what I heard in my head, ya’ll:
What I wanted to do was calmly grab the coffee cup sitting beside me, and lob it forcefully at her head until I heard a satisfying CLUNK. What I said was,
“Well, she doesn’t have much of a say in the matter, does she?”
The woman replied, “Oh I know it, but you just know that when she gets older she’s going to be like, ‘Mother! You gave me such a stupid name. It’s so old fashioned!'”
URGE TO KILL. RISING. RISING. I’m not sure what it is about people making fun of
Nellie’s name. I think, to me, it’s like making fun of her and that raises my hair on end and makes me feel like an angry lioness about to defend her cub. I seriously want to rage at anyone who have something negative to say about my little daughter’s name.
I know this post sounds really bitchy, hormonal and ranty but really… I’m 9 months pregnant, I’m tired, cranky, and deserve a good rant every now and again, damnit. Hopefully my fellow pregnant women (and people who have been in my shoes) will have gotten a good chuckle out of this. If you are suddenly frightened by your friendly internet blogger, please don’t be. Just set down something tasty for me to eat, slowly back away, and you’ll be fine.
Probably.
Rescuing the Orca AKA Getting My Big Fat Pregnant Ass Outta Bed
Greetings, readers! I’ve recovered from my long weekend, and am back to my beloved blog. I will probably post my weekly baby update/belly picture tomorrow after my doctor’s appointment. I completely missed last week. Whoops. Bad blogger! In the meantime, enjoy my latest post.. All about getting my big fat ass out of bed.
1st Trimester Deja Vu
So… I just had to make a dash for the bathroom here at work.
To throw up.
WTF, I’m in the 3rd trimester… Not the first. It was seriously reminiscent of my Morning Sickness days when I was rushing to the restroom three times a morning to vomit. Ugh. I feel like crap. I don’t know if something I ate is sitting poorly with me, or what. Maybe my stomach is just too full. I guzzled a bunch of water and that’s when I started feeling sick.
I kept it together for most of the way down the hall. I gagged a little but was able to keep it in, and then this guy walked by me with THE STRONGEST COLOGNE EVER and I almost barfed on his shoes. He would have been all like, “OMG, YOU BARFED ON MY SHOES.” and I would have been like, “MAYBE YOU SHOULDN’T TAKE YOUR BATHS IN COLOGNE, SIR, BECAUSE YOU NEVER KNOW WHEN A PREGNANT WOMAN ON THE VERGE OF VOMITING WILL WALK BY YOU AND SPEW ON YOUR SHOES.” and then I would have walked away.
Where was I going with this? Hell, who knows. I feel like crap. My stomach is still churning. Ugh.
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33 Week Belly Picture
How far along? 33 Weeks 1 Day
Total weight gain/loss Not as much as I’d originally thought. At my doctor appointment last week, I hadn’t gained any from the previous appointment. My total weight gain is at 25 pounds, not 28 like I thought.
Maternity clothes? Affirmative.
Stretch marks? A few new ones popping up along the sides of my belly.
Sleep Still disrupted by frequent side-switches and bathroom breaks.
Best moment this week Unpacking her clothes and tossing them in her hamper in preparation to wash them!
Movement She’s been moving a lot more consistently the past few days.
Food cravings MOZZERELLA STICKS.
Gender Girl!
Labor Signs Got my cervix checked at last appointment; it’s tightly closed. No contractions. I actually haven’t even had any Braxton Hicks.
Belly Button in or out? Still an innie – but it’s getting flatter.
What I miss Not having lower back pain.
What I am looking forward to Our 3d ultrasound on Saturday and baby shower #2 on SUNDAY!
Weekly Wisdom Can’t think of anything right now.
Milestones 8 months pregnant!
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33 Weeks – Baby Pineapple
This week your baby weighs a little over 4 pounds (heft a pineapple) and has passed the 17-inch mark. He’s rapidly losing that wrinkled, alien look and his skeleton is hardening. The bones in his skull aren’t fused together, which allows them to move and slightly overlap, thus making it easier for him to fit through the birth canal. (The pressure on the head during birth is so intense that many babies are born with a conehead-like appearance.) These bones don’t entirely fuse until early adulthood, so they can grow as his brain and other tissue expands during infancy and childhood.
— From BabyCenter.com
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Weekly Belly Pic – 32 Weeks
How far along? 32 Weeks, 1 day
Total weight gain/loss Still at 28 pounds total gained since start of pregnancy. I’ll find out at the doctor on Wednesday how much I’ve gained since last visit.
Maternity clothes? Affirmative.
Stretch marks? No new ones to report; just the ones near my hips/side of the belly.
Sleep Still disrupted by frequent side-switches and bathroom breaks.
Best moment this week Having random strangers ask me about the baby.
Movement She’s having a quiet period. She hasn’t been as spastic the past few days. Still moving, but a lot gentler and less frequently.
Food cravings NEEDED ice cream Friday night, with rainbow sprinkles. Hubby indulged my craving! He rocks!
Gender Girl!
Labor Signs None.
Belly Button in or out? Still an innie.
What I miss 8 solid hours of sleep, having a beer with dinner or a cold deli sandwich.
What I am looking forward to Moving into our new apartment at the end of the week and starting on her nursery!
Weekly Wisdom Can’t think of anything right now.
Milestones 8 months pregnant!
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Weekly Belly Pic – 31 Weeks
So this is not my typical belly picture. This is my costume from the belated Halloween party (if you are wondering why the hell I attended a Halloween party 2 weeks late, read this post to catch up). I forgot to take a 31 week belly pic yesterday, so this will have to suffice. Pardon the picture quality; it’s from my husband’s cell phone and his phone doesn’t have the best camera.
How far along? 31 Weeks, 1 day
Total weight gain/loss Up a whopping 28 pounds as of last appointment. Yikes.
Maternity clothes? Affirmative.
Stretch marks? OMG. Yes. Tuesday night, I discovered some on my hips. Not really my belly, but the side where my belly meets my hip. SOB.
Sleep Is a distant memory.
Best moment this week Our BABY SHOWER!
Movement She moves.. A lot, when she wants to. She has no pattern, no routine and sometimes I have to sit there and shake her to make her move. I did that this morning, and she sleepily woke up, got the hiccups and then started kicking the HELL out me. I was happy.
Food cravings Nothing huge this week.
Gender Girl!
Labor Signs None.
Belly Button in or out? Still an innie.
What I miss 8 hours solid sleep!
What I am looking forward to Meeting my little girl!
Weekly Wisdom Take it easy, and slow down…
Milestones IDK, is 31 week a milestone? Hehe.
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31 Weeks – Baby Naval Oranges
This week, your baby measures over 16 inches long. He weighs about 3.3 pounds (try carrying four navel oranges) and is heading into a growth spurt. He can turn his head from side to side, and his arms, legs, and body are beginning to plump out as needed fat accumulates underneath his skin. He’s probably moving a lot, too, so you may have trouble sleeping because your baby’s kicks and somersaults keep you up. Take comfort: All this moving is a sign that your baby is active and healthy.
–From BabyCenter.com
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