Getting Closer

I made my trip to the bathroom early today…. I couldn’t hold my pee anymore. I try to hold off on testing on my OPK until after lunch, as my LH surge is more likely to show up then. Well, after POAS I wiped, and there I saw something beautiful:

EWCM.
A LOT OF IT.

Now, my OPK was negative but still. THERE WAS A LOT OF EWCM! I don’t know if it’s the Origin vitamins finally kicking in or what, but I NEVER see EWCM. I’m very pleased with this. I’m hoping that my O comes early this month.. Like, tomorrow or Thursday early. I’m expecting to O sometime between Friday-Sunday which is THE most inconvenient time for O EVER.

My chorus is going to regional competition this weekend. It’s here in town but I will be at our hotel all day Friday, overnight Friday, and all day Saturday. Not the best for BD!!! I’m going to try and get a BD in tomorrow, and one Friday morning… Or maybe Thursday, and one Saturday night when I come home. It’s going to be tricky, but we’re gonna try.. I have that PreSeed that I bought and haven’t used it yet. I had a very vivid sex dream last night, and in it we used the PreSeed and I remember it was really awesome, heh. I’m looking forward to trying it.

Another snag: Josh twisted his bad knee yesterday and is laid up at home. I had wanted to try and BD tonight but that’s probably going to be a no-go.. I feel OK with it, since my OPK was negative but tomorrow I’d really like to try and get a good session in.

So I’m just waitin on the eggie.. With plenty of EWCM :)

Sad

I’m feeling frustrated and blue today. I feel like it’s never going to happen for me. I know that I have no way of knowing that, but it just seems like every month that passes, it gets harder and harder for me to believe that I’ll ever be pregnant again.

This, too, shall pass.

A Morning Visitor

I woke this morning to find AF in full force. It’s on to attempt #9 for us. I’m keeping my fingers crossed, trying to remain hopeful and optimistic, and hoping that we will get our sticky BFP our Easter basket this year.

Crashing the Party

Well, I was having some pink discharge last night and this morning, and as I type I’m starting to cramp. So, it seems that AF is making her appearance, right on schedule. I got a + OPK two weeks ago yesterday, and I suspected that I ovulated the day after; that Thursday.

DH and I BD’ed for four days straight; Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, and Friday. We had our bases covered, and we still didn’t catch the egg this month. That’s just the way it goes, I guess. I just ordered some PreSeed online. I had ordered Pre’, the lubricant, months ago and we’ve been using it since. This month, however, I ordered the actual PreSeed that is supposed to mimic fertile cervical fluid and help the “boys” swim.

Hopefully that paired with Origins, and a lot of positive thoughts will help us get an Easter BFP.

I’m bummed, but I feel like our month is truly coming. Just keep on keepin’ on…

Oddly enough, the song that just came on my radio is Don’t Stop Believin’.

Butterflies

I have been lurking in the November 2009 Expecting Club on iVillage for a few days.

I opened a post today that was full of blinkies, a couple that were specifically “Due in November” blinkies, and I started to get excited butterflies in my tummy.

I want to wear one of those blinkies on my iVillage signature so badly. I’m so ready to be pregnant again, I want it so bad. I had to banish those butterflies ASAP, because I don’t want my heart to be broken by AF’s arrival in a few days again. I just have to live like I’m expecting her tomorrow/Thursday. The last few days wait are the absolute worst. The WORST.

Almost There

Just a few more days ’till AF is due. As usual, I’m feeling sort of indifferent. I feel bloated, and that constant, dull achy/cramp feeling is still with me. I have been (TMI alert) constipated for the past few days, which sucks and is uncomfortable.

My boobs are swollen and my nipple/areola area feels like it’s on FIRE. Last night I almost took my shirt off because it hurt to have it on. I’m not putting a whole lot of stock in this because this is usually a sign of AF.

The copious creamy CM that I’d had for a few days last week is no longer. If I check my cervix, the discharge that I get is still creamy but it’s no longer coming out on its own and making its’ way to my underwear.

So all I can do is wait. Isn’t waiting fabulous?

1WW

So I guess that I am “officially” in the 1WW. I am really expecting my period between Weds. and Thurs. I am going to try to hold off on testing until next Saturday morning, providing AF hasn’t come to crash the party before then. Some things I’m noticing:

3/5 (estimated 7DPO): All day queasiness/nausea. Never threw up. DH was home sick from work due to throwing up all night, so not putting too much stock into it. Poking/itching/fluttering sensations in lower abdomen (I’m kind of writing these off to gas).
3/6 (estimated 8DPO): CM creamy/lotiony but a little less thick/more watery than yesterday. Feeling full in lower abdomen; typical pre-AF sensations. Breasts and nipples are sore, but no more swollen or any puffier than is usual for pre-AF. Have been getting very quickly and easily irritated.

All in all, there is nothing extraordinary or unusual about this cycle thus far. I’m not “feeling” pregnant. This doesn’t necessary mean that I’m not, but I just am not feeling it. We will see what we see.

P.S. I have a new blog. It’s a humor blog, and I’d be forever grateful if you’d go and give it a look! It’s not much yet, but I’ll be adding some posts to it soon.
I Find This Humorous

Blech!

I feel rotten today. I’m feeling very queasy in the stomach. I’m not getting my hopes up about this symptom because my husband is at home right now because he was puking all night. More than likely it’s the beginnings of whatever it is he has.

This morning my coffee tasted funny but I think it’s because of the new sweetener I put in it. I bought a box of Stevia in the Rough; Stevia is a natural no-cal sweetener. It’s supposed to taste more natural of Splenda, so I thought I’d try it. I think maybe it has a bitter taste at first because my coffee just tasted awful.

My CM has been consistently creamy for the past few days, which I am indifferent about. I know that it’s not unusual for copious amounts of creamy CM to be a sign of pregnancy, but I also know that it’s very typical for my body to produce a lot before AF. I’m now on CD24.

On a completely unrelated note, I opened my inbox today to be pleasantly surprised. I have been writing to a website called Helium which is a resource for people who enjoy writing. You can write various articles about countless matters. I have written about eight articles, and was informed today that a publisher has bought one of my articles for $5.00! I don’t know which article yet, but that’s really exciting. I’m a published writer, and I got paid for it! Woo hoo!

I also found out that we are receiving $300 more on our tax refund than I thought we would, and it is getting deposited into our bank account tomorrow!

It’s been a pretty good two days, even if I don’t feel well and feel barfy. Just a few more days to go ’till either AF shows her head or I get a nice surprise.

Still Working On Some Things…

I still get jealous when I see/read/hear about other pregnant women, especially if they have not been trying as long as I have.

This is not a fair emotion for me to have, but it’s there. Unless you’ve been on this TTC Roller-coaster, and especially if you’ve never experienced the loss of a baby, you can’t and won’t ever understand. I’ve said it before, and I’ll say it again.

It’s not an emotion I like to feel. It makes me feel petty and bitter. I don’t like feeling that way, I’d rather feel positive and optimistic, and happy for those fertile little ladies. I try very hard to put things in perspective. It’s just hard when I’ve been wanting for so long, and trying for so long and am still unsuccessful and others just have such an easy time at it.

So, that’s my little confession. It’s something I need to work at and every day I get a little better.

Cycle Notes

So things I am noticing about this cycle thus far:

Monday 3/2 (estimated 4DPO): Aching/cramping near left ovary and in left lower back. Lots of creamy CM early in the day. Irritable.
Tuesday 3/3 (estimated 5DPO): Sharp stabbing pains on right side near ovary. HIGH IRRITABILITY, mostly to small things. Feel a bit irrational. Lots of creamy CM early in the day. Tired.

So those are the notes I’m making so far. I’m not saying these are IPS or anything, I’m just noting them for my own personal reference. I am really irrationally irritable today, though. I’m seriously ready to blow up at my coworkers for no apparent reason, and especially my manager. He just flippantly gives me these stupid tasks to do, and assumes that I automatically know how to do them. Frigging a-hole. I’m also very tired.

These are all normal PMS symptoms so I’m not getting my hopes up. I’m done reading into IPS because I have been very badly deceived by them in the past.