Ehhhh…

Of course, now I’m doubting myself. I’m wondering, are my boobs really all that puffy?

Sure, I’m hungry, tired, and hot, but so what? I get tired before AF anyway. I hate this waiting game. I swear I’m feeling very, very mildly and dully crampy, like I did last month about 5 days before my period. *sighs* I hate waiting. I wish I knew, for sure, one way or the other.

:)

My nipples hurt, a lot. And the areolas are puffier. Josh noticed them this morning. This makes me very, very happy.

I’ve still been having some poking sensations, but none so much as Monday. They’re just random now, and I am truly hoping that this is a great sign. I just have that “feeling”. A really good feeling. Like I said, I’m going to feel like such an idiot if my period shows up Monday or Tuesday, but I just.. I feel like this is it.



A secret confession

This is my journal that almost no one knows about. I want to get this out in the open, but I’m almost afraid to.

I am confessing, right here and now..

That I think that I may be pregnant.

I don’t want to jinx anything. But for the first time since TTC, I have real and valid IPS. I feel similarly to how I did with my first pregnancy. I can’t ignore the sore breasts, and the puffiness. OK, I can; because my breasts have been getting puffier and more sore since the miscarriage. But those sharp, stabbing sensations I had yesterday I just could not ignore. I’m a lot more “moist” down there than I usually am, and this fatigue is just killing me.

I’m almost afraid to say it out loud, because I desperately don’t want to be wrong. I know that if my period shows up in a week, I will feel like the biggest, dumbest idiot for truly believing that I could be pregnant. I almost don’t WANT to believe that I am, because another part of me is so skeptical.

I don’t know if any of this makes any sense. But a part of me thinks I may be pregnant.

Let’s just keep our fingers crossed, shall we?

:/

You know, it’s really hard not to get discouraged during the 2WW.

I’m only 5DPO, but I’m already feeling “out”. My temps are fine, and really it’s too early even for implantation (7-10DPO on average) but I’m just discouraged from my lack of IPS.

It seems like with my first pregnancy, my boobs got full, heavy, swollen and sore almost IMMEDIATELY after ovulation. I’m talking like, 3-4 DPO. Of course, I could have been wrong on my guesstimate of when I O’ed, but still. It seems like I had IPS almost right off the bat.

This time, nothing. I KNOW I’m only 5DPO, but I’m already feeling so, so discouraged.

Sigh.

You’re going to put that where?!

OK, so one of the things I planned on trying this month was Instead Cups.

I bought them at CVS, and decided to give them a “dry run”, so to speak, so when I was ready to actually use them after BD I wouldn’t be a spaz. I took one out of it’s wrapper, and just stared at it. I looked at DH, who wanted to see what they looked like, and he was just like, “You’re going to put that up there? GOOD LUCK.”

They’re HUGE!!!!! I tried FOUR TIMES to put one of those damn things inside me, and it just felt awkward and weird. Needless to say, I WON’T be using an Instead Cup for TTC, or for AF. Yikes!

Anyway, today is CD8, so today is officially the start of BD day. According to the Sperm Meets Egg Plan
we BD starting on CD8 every other day, and start using OPKs on CD10. This is gonna work, I can feel it! I’m temping, using the SME Plan, charting my CP and CM, using PreSeed, and using OPKs. Sperm, you WILL meet egg this month, and you WILL conceive a sticky baby damnit!

That is all. I’m about to run to the bank, and to pick up a copy of Breaking Dawn. It’s a guilty pleasure of mine…

So far, so good.

My workout was good yesterday, but today I will have a better one.

I didn’t do so well with my food. I went over my calories by 126. But today is a new day!

My sinuses are bothering me today. Yuck. I started my temping back up today; I’m temping vaginally this cycle. I sleep with my mouth open more often than not, and I’ve read that can lead to erratic temps.

Here’s to a May baby!

Enough is enough.

I haven’t been sticking to a workout routine, nor a healthy eating pattern, since May.

MAY.

IT’S AUGUST.

This is unacceptable.

Starting TODAY, I am getting back into it. I’m taking the opportunity that my stupid AF gave me this month to get back into my exercise regimen hard core.

My PreSeed showed up last night, and needless to say, after a “trial run”, I have to say I’m pretty happy with it. I need to pick up some more OPKs. I plan on following the “Sperm Meets Egg” plan this cycle, so I will be starting our BDing this Saturday, and I will start using OPKs this coming Monday.

So that’s where I am right now. My fitness regimen starts anew TODAY. Not tomorrow, not Thursday. TO-DAY.

Yep.

Woke up this morning to excruciatingly horrible cramps.

Went to the bathroom, and she’s here in all of her ugly, unwanted glory.

On to cycle #4. I ordered my PreSeed yesterday, and I have some OPKs under the bathroom sink.

This better be the last time I see you for a good, long while, AF. Seriously.