‘Bout damn time

Thanks for finally showing up AF, it’s really nice to see you.

/sarcasm

I rescheduled my wisdom tooth surgery for January 12th. This means we will not be able to try for one more cycle, which is probably for the best because my fertile time would have most likely come while we were on vacation in Chicago anyway, and that would have just been awkward to try to have a baby while sleeping in my father’s living room.

But my surgery is paid for, so it’s going to happen on the 12th. I’m anxious to just get it the hell over with so we can start trying again. I’m tired of everyone in the universe getting pregnant around me, either intentionally or accidentally with me sitting here spinning my damn wheels. I’m tired of being jealous every time I hear about someone getting pregnant, regardless of whether I know them or not. Seriously, every time I hear about a woman announcing a pregnancy, I feel jealous. It’s ridiculous. I understand that it’s a stupid, petty emotion to feel but I cannot help myself. I’m tired of everyone else having their turn while I’m still stuck here. It frigging sucks, and I’m not going to apologize for the way I feel. What happened to me isn’t fair, it sucks, and I have the right to feel every emotion that comes with losing a baby.

OK, that rant is over. That being said, it’s pretty cool that Christmas is coming up, I’m not looking forward to the 22nd as that is the anniversary of the day we lost the baby, but whatever. It’s going to come, I have to deal with it, and then after that all the major “losing the baby” milestones will have passed.

Meanwhile, it seems like everyone in the universe is getting pregnant except for me. OK, I need to stop bitching about that because that’s just the way things go and nothing I do can change the fact. And logically I know that not everyone in the universe is pregnant besides me but sometimes it sure does feel that way.

CM? Oh CM? Where are you?

So I got a positive on my OPK yesterday. Along with some EWCM when I beared down (I’m vowing not to stick my fingers up there to check anymore; I think I wound up with a farily mild UTI and I think it could be from obsessively checking my CP and CM last month.

So anyway, I did see some EWCM when forcing it out from my body yesterday. Some, not a lot. DH and I BDed last night (in the proper position that is fitting for my tilted uterus), and now today… NOTHING. No CM. I can’t get ANYTHING when I bear down. I had this problem last month; the days after I’d BD I would be bone dry. I’m taking my Mucinex, so what gives? I’m terrified that this is why I haven’t gotten pregnant yet; what if my body just isn’t manufacturing enough CM? Is it possible to still have plenty of fertile CM up there even if it doesn’t reach your panties/toilet paper?

I’ve been guzzling water because I know that it’s also imperitive to good, fertile CM. What the hell gives with my dry vagina after I BD with my husband? I just don’t get it. We use Pre’ when we do need lube (which we did not last night), it’s like having sex saps my body of all its’ natural lubricants. Ugh, ugh, ugh. I’m so frustrated with my body, and its lack of cervical mucous.