Shit My Toddler Says

So the “Shit my Blah Blah Blah Says” is still relevant, right? Right. Good, great, grand. Wonderful. Here’s some shit my toddler says.

Me: *walking on the treadmill after putting Nellie to bed*
Nellie’s Door: *knock knock knock*
Nellie: MAMA. MAMA!
Me: *gets off the treadmill. Opens her door* Yes, Nellie?
Nellie: Mama, you busy?

**
(I’m holding Nellie, crossing the street to take her to daycare)
Nellie: Mama, cars coming?
Me: No, Nellie, we made sure no cars were coming.
Nellie: …….. Batman coming?

**

Me: So I heard that the Avengers made like, over $200 million at the box office opening weekend.
Josh: HOLY SHIT!
Nellie: HO-LEE THIT!
Me & Josh: *muffled laughter and snorting*

**

Me: Nellie, you’re my sweet baboo.
Nellie: No. No, I not fweet baboon!
Me: You’re not my sweet baboo?
Nellie: No. I fweet chimpanzee.

**
Nellie: Daddy. I Frodo.
Josh: You’re Frodo?
Nellie: Yeah. And Bella {Nellie’s best friend} Sam.
Josh: Bella is Sam, huh? Who am I?
Nellie: Gollum.

**
(Nellie and I are in the grocery store. She has a cough.)
Nellie: *cough cough cough cough*
Me: You ok, baby?
Nellie *cough cough coughcough cough hack cough* GOLLUM! GOLLUM!
Me: *falls down laughing*

**

Me: Daddy, a boy kissed Nellie at school today.
Josh: What! Nellie, did a boy kiss you?
Nellie: Uh-huh. On forehead.
Josh: What! Who is this young man?
Nellie: Rocco.
Josh: Did you like when he kissed you on the forehead?
Nellie: Yah.
Josh: Are you going to let him do it again?
Nellie: Mmm hmm.
Josh: I need to know more about this young man. Does he have a job?
Nellie: Yeah.
Josh: Where does he work?
Nellie: Groceries.

What’s some funny shit that your toddler says?

Texts From My Husband: We’re Not Normal People.

I’ve decided to start a regular post series for your enjoyment called “Texts From My Husband”. It’s just a little glimpse into our weird little family. We had this conversation while sitting directly beside each other on the couch the other night:

Josh: You + Me = 10,000 babies!
Me: Will they run as fast as Kenyans? {reference this video to get the joke if you don’t already}
Josh: Faster and three will fly.
Me: Yesssss flying babies 4 eva.
Josh: And fire breathing
Me: I hope they also have dragon tails.
Josh: One will.. I think one will have gills and kill every shark in the world.
Me: What will his name be?
Josh: Strom the Shark Slayer
Me: Can we call him S3 for short?
Josh: One will be able to telepathically control all rodents.
Me: So we have a fire breather with a dragon tail, a shark slayer and a master of rodents.
Josh: And one that is a really good cook. And of course, Rose who is beautiful, brilliant, funny, and an amazing singer and also awesome at everything………….. Just like her mama>
Me: Awwwwwww.

The moral of this story is that we’re not normal people. And my husband is sweet. The end.

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