Hey, jealousy!

Wow. Last night, between the movie theatre and Wal-Mart, I saw 4 – count ’em – FOUR pregnant women.

It’s not as hard as it used to be, now that my EDD has passed and I’m not eying them knowing I should LOOK like them, but I still get a twinge of jealousy.

I’m trying very hard to be patient. Very, very hard to be patient indeed.

Have you ever been to an amusement park? You know, when you’re waiting in line for a roller coaster for a really long time, and all of a sudden, somebody who hasn’t been waiting as long or as patiently as you have sneakily ducks through the queue lines, and cuts in front of you? This is how I feel sometimes. I know a few women who have gotten pregnant accidentally, or after 1-3 cycles of trying, and that is how it makes me feel. I want to stand on my tiptoes, and yell at them, “WAIT YOUR TURN!” I want to say something to them, but of course, I don’t. I stay quiet, silently fuming to myself, throwing my wordless little temper tantrum inside of my head.

I know that I’ll eventually get on that roller coaster. Maybe it will break down sometimes, and I will have to wait a bit longer. But I’m a more patient person than Little-Miss-Cuts-In-Line. And I guess in the end that will make me appreciate things a lot more.

HULK SMASH

Um, wow. I’m in a baaaaad mood today.

I wish I could say it’s a promising IPS, but I’m not so sure anymore. I’ve been having some OK ones; sore bbs, a little moody, bouts of queasiness, and a general “off” feeling. My temps are still hovering high, my CP is medium, medium texture, and it’s closed.
However, I’ve been feeling very dully crampy today. All day. It stopped briefly around lunchtime, but it’s been around all day. It’s just a very dull ache. I’m kind of hoping it’s implantation/pregnancy cramps, but I didn’t think that implantation cramps hung around for more than a few minutes. I fully expect to see AF in her full, horrible glory by Wednesday. *sighs*
I was feeling really good about this month, too. I’m in just a horrible mood today; everything is going wrong, everything is irritating the holy living snot out of me. I mean, every time someone opens their mouth to say something all I can hear in my head is “SHUTUPSHUTUPSHUTUPSTOPTALKINGNOW.”

Oh, to be a girl. Isn’t it FABULOUS?!
So, countdown to AF is on. I am expecting her anywhere between Wednesday and Sunday. If she doesn’t come by Saturday, I’m taking an HPT. But with this crampy feeling, I think she’ll be here sooner. I just don’t know.
If we don’t get pregnant this time around, I’m breaking out the big guns. I’m buying PreSeed, OPKs, and maybe even Instead Cups. I know that I may seem crazy, but I want to be pregnant. I’m sick and tired of seeing pregnant women and being angry, jealous, and sad. I’m tired of wandering through the aisles at stores, gazing wistfully at the baby clothes and wondering when it’s going to be my turn.
It was so easy the first time around, too. I estimated when I was set to ovulate, we had sex every other day, and bam. I was pregnant. Of course, that pregnancy ended in miscarriage, but the getting pregnant part was awfully easy.
I know I shouldn’t complain. This is just cycle #3. I haven’t had it as bad as some others.
But in the words of Inigo Montoya…
“I hate waiting.”