You Can’t Always Get What You Want

Nellie has a ride-on toy that we dubbed Murder.

Nellie and Murder. Watch yourself.

Why did we name a pink and purple princess ride-on toy Murder?


Anyway, she has recently mastered the ability to get on and off Murder without our assistance. Sometimes she climbs on backward. She hasn’t gotten the hang of scooting along by herself, so usually she screams at us until we bend to her will like the good minions parents we are, and push her around our small apartment. Over and over. Until our backs hurt.

Nellie also has another toy with wheels. It’s a Little People carriage and it looks like this:

This toy is clearly for transporting blocks, princes and princesses, and
sometimes, the Incredible Hulk:


It is not, however, for transporting little girls named Nellie. This is something that our darling daughter doesn’t understand, because she keeps trying to stand in it. She gets upset and frustrated and starts crying, so one day we decided to try and teach our little girl that you can’t always get what you want, because some things just don’t work. We allowed her to try and ride the princess carriage:

Why isn’t this tiny horse taking me where I want to go?


She soon discovered the flaw in her plan.


You may call us terrible and mean parents for allowing our child to sit on something that is uncomfortable and clearly not meant for a child to sit on while laughing and taking a picture at her discovery of said discomfort. Pff. Like you’ve never taken a picture of your child being traumatized or sobbing. Whatever.

Anyway, I’d like to tell you that Nellie learned her lesson after sitting on that uncomfortable hunk of pink and purple plastic, but I caught her the other day putting her foot inside the carriage and getting really pissed off when she wobbled and fell over. Ah, well. Sometimes you win, and other times your kid repeatedly tries to squeeze her ass onto a Little People horse and carriage.





Houdini! The Matrix! America’s Next Top Model: A Photo Story Starring Nellie Rose

One fine March evening, Mommy and Daddy were spending some quality time together. Baby Girl was asleep in her crib, the monitor was turned on and the adults were enjoying their favorite Wednesday night TV shows.

All of a sudden, there came a curious noise across the baby monitor. A sudden tearing sound amidst the white noise of the fan that Mommy and Daddy keep running in Baby Girl’s room. With sideways glances to one another, Mommy and Daddy asked each other what in the world that sound could have been. Moments later, fussing from the Baby Girl told them she was awake.

They slowly opened the door to her room and turned on her lamp. They approached the crib on tiptoe just in case she was still asleep, peered over into the crib and do you know what they saw?

Baby Girl, escaped from her Kiddopotamus!

She was very happy to see Mommy and Daddy.

Quite happy, indeed!

Mommy and Daddy decided to let her loose. She immediately began re-creating a scene from the Matrix.

I know Kung Fu!

Then, she began practicing for America’s Next Top Model: Baby Edition

She tried the pouty look:

And she realized that she wasn’t Smizing, so she rectified the situation:

But you know, doing all of these things and being 8 weeks old are very, very tiring and taxing on a girl so she eventually passed out on Daddy:

And all was quiet once more in the family apartment.

The End! Registered & Protected