Your Fancy Period

If you are a woman, you know that having your period? It sucks. It sucks ass. It’s painful, it’s messy, and it makes you feel slightly homicidal. All of those ads that tell you to “have a happy period” and show women like, horseback riding and playing volleyballs and shit make you furious, don’t they? When I have my period, I want to sit on the couch and watch Steel Magnolias while shoveling enough chocolate to kill a large dog into my mouth. I sure as hell don’t want to ride a fucking horse and the only thing I want to hit a volleyball at? Pretty much anyone who speaks to me or looks at me funny.

So when I was browsing through the sale papers yesterday and came across this ad, I stopped in my tracks and laughed out loud. The geniuses in the feminine product business have come up with a brilliant way to make your period fun. Not just fun, but artistic and fabulous! Behold, the maxi pad that you can bleed on in style:

Please excuse the poor quality of this photo, it was taken in the throes of hysterical laughter with my cell phone.

So, observe the ad. It says that plain pads have their place in the history books, and has drawing of a pad; half of it plain white and the other half has a nifty purple swirly design. There’s a helpful addition, the word “boring!” with an arrow pointing at the plain white side.

Ladies, I don’t think I’m alone in saying that I can now breathe a sigh of relief. No longer do I have to shed my uterine lining on a plain, white maxi pad! No, now I can have my monthly visitor with flair and pizazz! Gone are the days of slapping a boring white cotton pad onto my panties! Finally, I can decorate my underwear with a fun design. Works of art, really. Beautiful swirls of purple, maybe blue, or gasp! Perhaps even a fun, girly shade of pink. Squee and flail!

AREN’T YOU THRILLED? We can finally giggle a little as we walk around with our little secret artwork in our undies! No one will ever know that not only are we on the rag, but we’re having fun with it by having it on a cutesy little swirl design! AHHHH IT’S SO WACKY AND FUN!

So, seriously, this is one of the dumbest fucking things I’ve ever seen in my life. A design on your pad? Are you fucking serious?  I’m sorry, but a little purple scrolly design isn’t going to take my mind off the fact that it feels like someone is grabbing my uterus and twisting it into a knot and I’m retaining so much water it feels like you could poke me with a pin and I’d leak. When I’m on my period, I want all the chocolate forever and an Ibuprofen. NOT AN ARTSY MAXI PAD. Call me crazy, but I know that I can’t be alone here.

So, Kotex, until you start including a big fat chocolate bar with each purchase of your whimsical pads, I will stick to my plain, ‘boring’ feminine hygiene products. Take your purple wackiness and GTFO.

 

Um, thanks, I guess?

They say that imitation is the highest form of flattery, don’t they? But what about blatent plageurism?

Well, I’ve been killing time on MySpace waiting for DH to get home. I decided to visit the page of one of my friends from TTCAM. I hadn’t been to her page in a while, so I went.

I noticed a blog of hers titled “To My Angel Baby”. I began to read it, and as I did, the words started to sound awfully familiar to me. And then it hit me: I wrote this! I wrote it originally on May 22nd, in a post on the iVillage TTCAM message board. I read this girl’s blog, and it is, literally, word for word the exact same post that I made. Given, she added a few of her details in, but it’s my post!

Now, at first, I was absolutely and totally floored. I was upset, angry, apalled. How could someone rip off MY feelings, MY words, and not even credit me for them?

Then I got to thinking. It’s not like I wrote a book, it was a post to a miscarriage support board. Her pain is the same pain I’ve felt, that we all have felt at that board. And I thought, well, if she can’t find the words herself, then I guess it’s OK for her to borrow mine.

I guess it was just the intial shock of seeing MY words on someone else’s blog, and not even getting a mention of credit toward being the author of those words.
I’m having severely mixed feelings about this.

First, this is MY post, originally made May 22nd:

Sometimes, baby, it’s still so hard. I didn’t even get to know you, I didn’t even get to feel you move, and I miss you so, so much. Sometimes I feel like I don’t have the right to feel as sad as I do.. There are so many women out there who have had such worse experiences than I have. 2nd term miscarriage, stillbirth.. With tragedies like that, I just feel wrong sometimes about being so sad about losing you at 7 weeks.

But it hurts. I loved you from the moment I knew you were there. No, I loved you before that. I wanted you so much. Why did you have to leave? You were so loved, so anticipated, so wanted.. I feel so empty sometimes. I just want you back. I want you healthy, kicking inside of me.. I want people to smile at me when they see me and ask me when I’m due. I want to be buying you clothes, diapers, and getting ready for your arrival. But instead, I’m sitting here with an empty womb, and a broken heart.. Still, even after 5 months. 5 months to the day, actually. I miss you so much.

Seeing pregnant bellies makes my heart hurt. It still makes me feel bitter, sad; resentful. It makes me feel this sense of longing that I thought was behind me when I found out I was pregnant. When I was pregnant with you, that feeling of envy that I used to have when I looked at pregnant women turned into a feeling of pride, of a sudden comraderie with those pregnant women, even if I wasn’t showing yet. But now I’ve regressed; I’m back at square one, I’m back to being jealous. And I hate it. I hate it so much.

Why did this have to happen to me? Why does this have to happen to anyone? My only hope is that the short time you were with me, you could somehow feel my love, little one. I never got to hold you in my arms, but I held you in my heart.

I love you, baby.

And here is her (slightly) modified post:

Sometimes, baby, it’s still so hard. I didn’t even get to know you, I didn’t even get to feel you move, and I miss you so, so much. Sometimes I feel like I don’t have the right to feel as sad as I do.. There are so many women out there who have had even worse experiences than I have. 2nd term miscarriage, stillbirth.. With tragedies like that, I just feel wrong sometimes about being so sad about losing you at 6 and a half weeks.

But it hurts. I loved you from the moment I knew you were there. No, I loved you before that. I wanted you so much. Why did you have to leave? You were so loved, so anticipated, so wanted.. I feel so empty sometimes. I just want you back. I want you healthy, kicking inside of me.. I want people to smile at me when they see me and ask me when I’m due. I want to be buying you clothes, diapers, and getting ready for your arrival. But instead, I’m sitting here with an empty womb, and a broken heart.. Four weeks ago today, I watched with joy your heart beating on a screen. Three weeks ago today, we buried your memory box under the small crabapple tree in the yard of our new home. I miss you so much.

Seeing pregnant bellies makes my heart hurt. It still makes me feel bitter, sad; resentful. It makes me feel this sense of longing that I thought was behind me when I found out I was pregnant. When I was pregnant with you, that feeling of envy that I used to have when I looked at pregnant women turned into a feeling of pride, of a sudden comraderie with those pregnant women, even if I wasn’t showing yet. But now I’ve regressed; I’m back at square one, I’m back to being jealous. And I hate it. I hate it so much.

Why did this have to happen to me? Why did this have to happen to our family? Why does this have to happen to anyone? Your brothers hug the angel statue by the tree every day, and send a hug to heaven. I hope you feel it. My only hope is that the short time you were with me, you could somehow feel my love, little one. I never got to hold you in my arms, but I held you in my heart.

I love you, baby.

I don’t know, would you be upset if you were in my shoes? I’m just not sure how to feel about this.