Reflections and Anticipation

This weekend has been a very lazy one, which I’m not complaining about. Hubby and I were laying on the couch just lounging, and I got up and went to the bedroom to retrieve a pillow and our blanket. We snuggled back up and I asked him, “Is it sad that my favorite part of the weekend is laying on the couch with a pillow and a blanket and just relaxing?” he said no.

We hit the grocery store today, made some tuna salad for lunch and took a nap. We have been filling the hours with cuddling together on the couch and watching Queer as Folk, which we have been renting through Netflix. Ah, glorious Netflix. I was snuggled up next to him and looked around at our slightly cluttered, but not dirty, apartment and smiled. I felt my little girl squirm a little bit and my smile got bigger. In that moment, that very second, my life was perfect. I have my husband, I have a comfortable place to live. We have a car that gets us where we need to go and isn’t a piece of junk and I have a job that pays. I have health insurance for my family, and a tiny little baby girl on the way.

As hubby was checking his mail, I decided to pick up a little bit. I did some dishes so I’d have a clean space to make dinner (spaghetti) and picked up the bathroom. I was wiping down the counter and caught a glimpse of myself in the mirror. I smiled at the reflection, and turned to the side. I realized that I’ve never felt more comfortable with my body; never felt more beautiful. My skin has cleared up for the most part (still have some random pimples occasionally) which made me happy. Yes, I am overweight but my belly is swelling and curving in a way that I’ve anticipated for so long. I ran my hands over my tummy and couldn’t help but smile. I know a lot of women have a problem with their body changing during pregnancy, but not me. I know that my hips will widen and I will put on weight in places I never thought possible. I will probably get stretch marks on my stomach, and my ankles will swell. But all of this is temporary; my body will never be the same, I know, it will just be different.

I carry my new, blossoming belly with pride and not shame or self consciousness. My body is doing something amazing, and I feel honored to be growing a human being. A little girl. … My little girl, who has the potential do to and be anything she wants. I know that I will love her unconditionally, no matter what she chooses to do or who she becomes. I honestly and truly cannot wait for motherhood, and all of the ups and downs that come with it. I can’t wait for the scraped knees and tears, for the toys flushed down the toilet and the sheepish, hushed mutterings of, “uh oh” that every person knows means disaster. Even the sleepless nights, tantrums and trials I embrace. Our lives are about to change so dramatically and I cannot wait.