Dear Nellie Rose

Dear baby Nellie,

I had a really horrible dream last night, little girl. I’m not going to go into details here, because I don’t care to relive it again but it involved us never getting to meet you alive. It was terrible and I woke up sobbing. I woke your daddy up from crying and he held me until I calmed down, rubbing my belly and assuring me you were fine. When he asked what the dream was about, I could barely even speak the words because they were so terrible. As if to reassure me, you squirmed and kicked a few times. “See?” daddy said, “She’s fine, baby. She’s fine.”
I am sure this will be just the first of many hysterical episodes I have in regards to you. I recently expressed fear and concern to some women I talk to online about losing you at this stage, and how I don’t know what I would do or how I’d function. Not after carrying you for so long, feeling you move and seeing your little face. They told me to try and keep faith that you’ll be okay, but to be prepared for a lifetime of similar worries. They said you have to take it one day, one step at a time… Many of them have babies who are 5-6 months old and still worry about them. They check to make sure they’re breathing when they sleep. I suppose this is what motherhood is all about, isn’t it baby girl?
We are getting so very close to meeting you. Daddy and I had a discussion about when we think you’ll get here. He says the 10th of January. I said it would be lovely for you to come on that day, because that is the day your great-grandpa Ralph and (late) great-grandma Nellie got married. I think it would be special for her namesake to be born on her wedding anniversary. I said I think you’ll come on the 15th of January. Mommy’s birthday is on the 9th, so we could very well share the same birthday, my sweet little girl.
Of course, you could surprise the hell out of both of us and make your appearance next week. But you won’t, will you? You will wait until you are full-term, which will be December 27th. You can come anytime after that and I can breathe easier knowing that you won’t have to spend time in the NICU.
I just wanted to say that I love you, Nellie Rose. That dream really shook me up but it was just a dream. I want you to know that I’ve loved every second of this pregnancy. Every kick, every squirm.. Every time I feel you it’s a reminder that I’m never, ever alone and that you are with me. I know that you will leave my body and become your own little entity. One day, you won’t want to cuddle with me or even hold my hand. There will come a time when you probably won’t be able to stand being around me (hello, teenagers!) but to me, you will always be this sweet little being that resided in my body for over half a year of my life. Nothing can change that, nothing ever will.
I love you, baby girl.
Love,
Mommy.
P.S. You have the hiccups right now. It’s such a sweet feeling, I have tears in my eyes because I’m so grateful to feel them.

Comments

  1. I had those dreams all the time while pregnant with my daughter, and I'm having them again this time as well. They are so awful. And the later you are in pregnancy, the worse the dreams are. :(Oh boy, those kind of nightmares will only get worse once your little one arrives. You really will find yourself checking on her a dozen times at night. Just part of being a mom.

  2. Perfectly normal fears . . . I wish I could promise everything will be okay, but I can't. I will keep you in my thoughts . . . keep doing what you are doing.

  3. Just letting you know, it doesn't get any better. When I first had Claire, I told Eric I felt she was so much safe inside of me. The worries never stop. I'm guilty, I still check to see if Claire is breathing at night. Worrying is part of being a mommy – worrying means you care more then anything. I know how horrible those dreams can be. Never did I have one when I was pregnant but I was awake and thought about "what ifs" all the time. I have had one bad dream about Claire since she was born – it was awful. I too woke up crying, reaching for Eric to comfort me and let me know that Bug was okay. Take comfort in knowing, you are not the only one who worries on a daily bases!

  4. I silently worry about that every day… it really really scares me.But I try to remember Audrey and I will be ok and you and Nellie will be ok! Your baby girl will be here sooner than you know it!

  5. Oh, I hate that you had that dream..but you are right. She is going to be FINE. And squirming and kicking IN YOUR ARMS instead of in your belly very soon! (um….how crazy is THAT??):-)

  6. Mommyof2girlz says:

    Stopping in from SITS to welcome you to the group, it's nice to meet you. Congrats on your pregnancy! p.s. I still check on my girls almost every night..especially when I "hear" a noise. We never stop worrying over our babes. :)

  7. What a sweet sweet post. The worry never ends – my "little one" is 13 and I still worry like crazy!Welcome to SITS! We're glad you joined :-)

  8. The worry starts from the moment you find out your pregnant, and it never stops. You think the worry ends when the baby is born but it doesn't. I've spent hours staring at my baby making sure she was breathing. She's over a year and I still go in to check on her at night. I know exactly how you feel, and I think it is perfectly normal. It's not about you anymore, it's about her.

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