Hey, Baby, What’s Your Sign?

I got off work early yesterday for my weekly doctor visit. After the appointment was over, I had about two hours to kill before picking Josh up from work. I didn’t feel like driving home, sitting for half an hour and then schlepping all the way back across the river to get him, so I hung around the area. I grabbed some lunch at Jason’s Deli (NOM) and camped out there for about an hour reading Dead As a Doornail. After I had eaten my fill of delicious food, I still had about 45 minutes before I needed to leave. I headed to the mall to walk around in an attempt to coax Nellie out. I really shouldn’t say “walk”, I really should say “waddle/plod”.

So, I waddle/plodded my big ole’ self around the mall. I was approaching an escalator headed up to the 2nd level when a man who looked to be in his thirties approached it at the exact same time. We had one of those, “You go!” “No, you go!” moments. I waved him ahead and he thanked me. I got on the escalator after him. About 5 seconds later he half-turns around and looks at me.
“How far along are you?” he asks.
I pat my belly and respond, “39 weeks.”
“Wow,” he says. “You’re close!” I nodded. He continues.
“So are you going to try it all-natural, or what? Are you going to have an epidural?”
…… Um, okay, random stranger. This is a little odd. I’m not very good at random social interactions with people I don’t know, so I try to be polite.
“I’m going to try it natural.”
He nods. “Right on, right on,” he says. It’s about this time that I realize his speech is a little slurred. I detect a faint hint of alcohol, but I wasn’t sure if it was just my imagination.
“Yeah, we’ll see if I can make it!” I respond cheerfully, hoping that will end the conversation. I’m expecting him to break eye contact, turn back around and spend the rest of the escalator ride in silence.
No luck. He maintains eye contact with me to the point of staring. Then he speaks again.
“So, is the daddy around? I mean, his he in your life?”
Wait. Just. A. Minute.
I’m not a very observant woman, especially when it comes to the affections of men. I’m not used to being flirted with or hit on. I don’t know if I just give off a very “don’t even try it” vibe or what. I know I’m not the most beautiful girl ever, but I’m certainly not UN attractive. My husband insists that I’ve always just been oblivious to attention I receive from the opposite sex and write flirting off as just the guy being nice. HOWEVER, even I can’t really ignore this one.
I am being hit on. He is trying to pick me up. I have my unwashed hair in a bun, ZERO MAKEUP on my face, my shirt has stains from dribbling the chili I had for lunch on it, and I am roughly the size of a small third-world country… And this man is asking if I have a dude in my life. Really, guy? REALLY? What if I had said, “No, the daddy isn’t around. It’s just me.” Would he have swept me off my swollen cankles in a grand gesture of chivalry? Offered to take me to dinner? Be my baby’s daddy? I hesitated for a split second, and continued to be polite. I even chuckled.
“Oh, yes, he’s at work. I’m just killing time before I have to go pick him up.”
Mr. “I Love Fatties” faltered for a second before saying, “Oh right on, right on. Well that’s great. Ya’ll just stick together and everything will be great!”
Thanks for the advice.
It was the longest and most awkward escalator ride in the history of long and awkward escalator rides. I was so taken aback by this exchange and so surprised that, in the immortal words of Clark W. Griswold, “If I had woken up tomorrow morning with my head sewn to the carpet”, I couldn’t have been more surprised than I was at that moment. I supposed a part of me was flattered that someone would hit on me, even in my present planet-like state. I texted roughly half my friends and regaled them with my tale.
Why is it only the weirdos ever hit on me? It’s not like I’m available and would, you know, act on an advance a man made toward me but just once… Couldn’t I be hit on by a guy who wasn’t drunk, high, or 65 years old and wearing a Members Only jacket? Please?

39 Weeks – Baby Watermelon

Your baby matches up to a mini-watermelon, weighing a bit over 7 pounds. (Length: about 20 inches, head to heel.)

Your baby’s waiting to greet the world! He continues to build a layer of fat to help control his body temperature after birth, but it’s likely he already measures about 20 inches and weighs a bit over 7 pounds, a mini watermelon. (Boys tend to be slightly heavier than girls.) The outer layers of his skin are sloughing off as new skin forms underneath.

How far along? 39 weeks 3 Days
Total weight gain/loss 38 pounds total. Gulp.
Maternity clothes? I’m running out of things that fit!!!!
Stretch marks? UGH. Yes. ALL OVER my hips, and some on the underside of my stomach.
Sleep *thumbs down*
Best moment this week My husband got a full time job!
Movement She’s getting cramped. All her movements are squirms and pushes now.
Food cravings None really.
Gender Girl!
Labor Signs 2 cm dilated. 50% effaced. Baby’s head is at -2 station.
Belly Button in or out? In.
What I miss Being comfortable, and feeling rested.
What I am looking forward to meeting this little girl!!!
Weekly Wisdom Relax and sleep!

Doctor’s appointment went well yesterday. Blood pressure was 128/78. I had some ankle swelling in the evening – I didn’t even recognize my fat little cankles. The doctor says that she predicts she’ll see me at my regular appointment next week… Which is disappointing, but anything can happen. I’m really, REALLY hoping that Nellie comes this weekend so daddy doesn’t have to miss any orientation at his new job and have to make it up. I am starting to feel like she’s never coming out of there!