My Daughter.. My World.

Tiny fingers, all five of them, wrap around my one.
You’re holding my hand already.You’re holding my heart.
Your tiny body rests against my chest. It’s unreal. The entire length of you fits entirely on one section of me.
You are so small. You grow bigger every day. You are growing too fast. Please stay little for just a while longer?
I see my life flashing before my eyes.Your first tiny footsteps. I blink, and you’re walking.
Potty training. I blink, and you’re a big girl now!
The first day of school.
Fears of cooties.
Band-Aids and boo-boo kisses.
Middle school. Junior high. High school.
Heartbreak from a boy (or a girl).
College? Marriage? Grandkids?
In a flash, it will be here. The first 6 weeks have already zipped past me faster than I can blink.
Will I remember all these precious moments when you no longer need me like you do now? Will I remember the way your warm, tiny body felt as it rested against mine? The sound of your breathing in and out; the smell of your freshly shampooed hair. When you are declaring your independence from me, even when you say you hate me I will remember my tiny naked baby laying on the table, smiling at me and waiting for me to change her diaper.

The image of you being pulled from my body will forever be burned into my memory. The day that you no longer were just for me and your daddy; the day we welcomed you to this world and had to share you with everyone else. When you stamp your feet and tell me you hate me, I will close my eyes and remember the first time I held you. When you looked at me with perfect trust and innocence.
I have tears running down my cheeks as I write. Why? Overwhelming emotion? Love.. Happiness. And sadness for the days that I anticipate being behind me.. Which is silly, because I am living in those days. I need to cherish them; love each and every second. Soak it in because one day soon they WILL be behind me. Gone forever; living only in my memory.

I love it when you smile. Did you know that when you sneeze you smile? When you cry, you stick out your lower lip and I can’t help but laugh. I take your tears away. When I see them, I wipe them off your pudgy little cheek and tell you that I’m taking them for you. I will always take your tears for you no matter how big you get. Even when you’re grown.. If you need me to, I will take your tears for you.
You are so very precious to me. When I think about all we’ve gone through to come this far, I can’t help but feel an overwhelming sense of gratitude. There are so many things that could have gone wrong, but they didn’t and we’re so lucky. You are beautiful and perfect; healthy and happy. You are safe and you are loved. You are wanted.. You have always been wanted. From the second I knew you were there to the moment I first laid eyes on you, you were wanted.

You turned my world upside down, little girl. You filled my heart with a love that overwhelms me and takes me by surprise every day. Your radiant smile, the way you look when you sleep, your sweet little coos and noises fill me with a joy I never knew existed. Having you sleeping on my chest, feeling yours rise and fall with each breath fills me with a sense of complete and utter peace and calm.
My child, you are a miracle to me. I love you now. I will love you forever.

You are my world.You at 5 weeks, sleeping against my chest.