Cecilia: You’re a Big Whore

The other day while I was at work, the song “Cecilia” by Simon and Garfunkel came on my Pandora radio. Cecilia is one of my favorite songs by the duo and I couldn’t help but dance in my chair and sing along. It’s just so upbeat, and fun!

Now, I have this really odd thing about me where I don’t really hear song lyrics. I mean, I hear them but I don’t really get them right away. I can learn all of the lyrics to a song, sing along to them for days, weeks, even years before I actually comprehend what the song is about. For example, the song Roxanne? Yeah, totally never realized it was about a hooker until I was about 23 years old. Fail.

Back to Cecilia. As I was singing along at work it hit me: Cecilia is a big whore. Paul Simon’s singing about Cecilia, and how she’s breaking his heart and shaking his confidence daily. That’s bad enough. What is Cecilia doing to this poor man that is so heartbreaking? We find out here:

Making love in the afternoon with Cecilia
Up in my bedroom (making love)

So you’re singing along, and  you’re all like “score! Good for you dude, Cecilia sounds hot.”

I got up to wash my face

Then you’re like “Ok, a little weird, who washes their face after sex?” but you still don’t think too much about it. Then, we get to the Big Whore part:

When I come back to bed, someone’s taken my place

Wait, WHAT? Okay so this guy gets freaky with Cecilia, he gets up to wash his face which takes what, all of THREE MINUTES? It’s a GUY, they don’t take all that long to wash their damn face. Okay so dude is gone for maybe FIVE minutes TOPS. You have to take into consideration that he’s probably naked so he’s most likely going to wash his face, pee, and probably shake his junk at himself in the mirror or something because guys like to do that. So he’s gone for five minutes and he comes back and there’s some other dude in bed with Cecilia. WHAT? Could she seriously not wait until Paul Simon like, left, to let someone else in bed with her? Nevermind that, WHERE WAS THIS OTHER GUY HIDING THAT HE COULD GET INTO HER BED IN THE FIVE MINUTES THAT PAUL SIMON WAS GONE?
Then you have to wonder what kind of freak Cecilia is to keep random men hidden in her room so she can just interchange one for the other in between sexual encounters.

Of course you expect Paul Simon to go into a fit of rage over this infidelity but no, he just keeps cheerfully singing about this bitch breaking his heart. If that’s not bad enough, he goes on to sing:

Jubilation, she loves me again,
I fall on the floor and I’m laughing,
Jubilation, she loves me again,
I fall on the floor and I’m laughing

DUDE, SERIOUSLY? She just let another guy into her bed WHILE YOU WERE GONE FOR FIVE MINUTES. This isn’t the kind of woman you wanna keep around! Sounds like maybe Cecilia’s been around town a little bit and god knows what kind of shit she’s carrying around in her ladybits. I’d run my ass outta there, dude.

But whatever, it was the 60s. Maybe that sort of thing was a lot more common back then.