Spider in the Shower

Let me tell you a little something about me when it comes to arachnids.

I die a little inside each and every time I see a spider. I don’t care if it’s a teeeeeensy little “no bigger than the head of a pin” spider. It’s a spider and is out for my blood and therefore, must be terminated on sight.

So the fact that I have a spider living in the corner of where I take my showers is slightly surprising.

Here is a picture of said spider (complete with handy dandy illustrations):

You may not be thinking that the spider is a huge deal. It’s not gigantic, and I’m fairly certain it’s not dangerous. I automatically assume that every spider I encounter & eliminate is a brown recluse but I’ve had a lot of time to look up at this spider as I shampoo my hair and pray it doesn’t fall on my face that I’m pretty sure it’s not a brown recluse.

But even though this spider isn’t very big, this is what it looks like in my head:

You can tell that it’s me by the red blobs boots.

So back to the reason that I let Shelob live in my shower. We live in an apartment complex, and when the weather is warmer there is an Ant Parade in our bathroom. I hate ants. They don’t cause any harm but they’re obnoxious. They bother me. So I figured hey, I have built in pest control living in the corner of my shower. Why spray harmful pesticides and chemicals when Mother Nature and her Minion from Hell can take care of the problem for me? Satan Shelob hasn’t really been an issue for me because she generally stays up there. Sometimes when I shower, I think she gets sprinkled with some water droplets because as I stare up at her to make sure she’s not preparing a sneak attack, she wiggles her legs like the water is hitting her. Or maybe she’s dancing. Or maybe she’s a pervert, and is really excited at the fact that I’m naked.

I digress. The other day I saw a teensy little roach in the bathroom (we’re not dirty people, we just live in an apartment complex. If you’ve ever lived in one, you know.) and glared up at Shelob. I informed her that she was laying down on the job and if she wasn’t careful, her new home would be Vacuum City. I swear to god she wiggled as if to say,
“Bring it, bitch.”

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