Send Out the Search Party

So I’m guilty of doing what a lot of other bloggers do: Obsessing over my blog’s traffic. I can’t help it. Once I installed Google Analytics, my life was pretty much over. I used to obsess over the slightest fall, and cheer over the teensiest rise in traffic.

One amazing thing about Analytics is the ability to tell where your traffic comes from, including terms people type into search engines. I’ve come across some really weird stuff that made me question the content I post here, and also, made me question my humanity a little.
I made that last part up, but whatever.

Here are some of my personal favorite terms folks have used to find my blog.

  • “hope springs eternal blog” – This one is pretty basic and the term that has the highest rate of folks using it.  Pretty harmless, pretty obvious. My blog used to be called Hope Springs Eternal, so this one kind of explains itself.
  • “hope springs eternal blog twilight” – This is pretty specific. Once I blogged about how ridiculous I found Twilight to be. Maybe I offended someone and they repeatedly had to go back and read the post and feel angry, but they couldn’t find an easy way to get to it? *shrugs*
  • “origin vitamins” – I used these for maybe 2-3 cycles when we were TTC. They turned my urine an alarming shade of yellow.
  • “$450 human touch foot & calf massager giveaway” – ….. what? I’ve never given away anything that is retailed at that high of a value, nor have I ever given away a foot or calf massager. So.. I’m not real sure about this one.
  • “angry badger face” This one probably pulls up this post. I love the fact that someone can Google “angry badger face” and pull up my blog.

It’s all downhill from here, folks.

  • “bengin ass” – boy, I bet these people were disappointed. I guarantee my blog was not what they were searching for.
  • “can a kid poop a bullet out”– I think you have more pressing issues to attend to than searching for things on Google, my friend.
  • “eating my face off”– it’s nice to know that my blog is well received by the zombie community.
  • “isn’t motherhood supposed to be fun?” – That’s what they say. Sometimes, they lie.
  • “she farts” – It’s true.
  • “smell her boots” – Again, not real sure that my blog is the droid you’re looking for, Mr. Boot Fetish.

As you can see, it’s a pretty strange and random selection of terms used to find my blog. It never, ever fails to make me laugh. And cringe. And sometimes throw up in my mouth a little bit.

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  1. Those are hilarious. It's amazing what a little spare time and Google can do. 😉
    .tif recently posted..motherhood monday- out of focus

  2. Oh yes, I can SO relate to this post. I've gotten lots of traffic from some pretty weird places…one for the post titled "Ding Dong the brace is gone" (which was about my daughter not having to wear her back brace for scoliosis any more). You can imagine what the search term for that one was. The other post was titled "The perfect man, butt jokes and bodily noises"…basically me ranting about, well, the family. The search term? "Perfect Man Butt". Great. I'm trying to be a bit more careful about the titles of my posts!!
    Mommy Dearest recently posted..The one where the family has a playdate and Lucy makes a new friend

  3. Love the randomness of some of those search terms! For some reason, a lot of people are looking for a shopping bag icon when they find my site. Weird.
    Jean recently posted..Separated At Birth

  4. It's really random, but the post on my blog that gets the most hits doesn't have much to do with photography. Search google images for "white bugs", and guess who has the second (and 4th)photo? I just got another post this week from someone wanting to know if the bugs will hurt their plant. I guess they miss the fact that I'm a photographer and not a bug person.

  5. I must be boring! The only slightly fun thing that gets people to my blog is "Vodka con cranberry"
    Christa recently posted..CHD- NOT Circumcision

  6. I love my search terms sometimes. My all-time favorite was, "liam neeson wants to buy a horse farm"

    Um…good for him?

  7. I rarely ever actually Laugh out lout, but this post had me LAUGHING!!!!!!!! SO funny!

  8. I LOVE looking at search terms that come to my blog! I throw up a little bit in my mouth sometimes too. I get a decent amount of things like "mom needs young boy" "mom needs young cook", stuff like that. Er. Yeah. My favorite on mine, so far, was "mom there's hall and oates under my bed blog". (I just noticed the last blog post I made was about this very thing, which means I REALLY need to blog more, lol.) Who knew there was a whole blog devoted to hall and oates creeping under your bed? lol
    Kristi Dorson recently posted..Hall And Oates – Theyre Bed Creepers

  9. LOL! "Can a kid poop a bullet out?" What in the world???
    Rose's Daughter recently posted..Monday Randomness

  10. LOL Angry Badger Face! ….This makes me want to check mine now!
    Mama Mandolin recently posted..Thankful on a Thursday

  11. hey mommy boots – you are too funny with your angry badger face???? I love it! And am LMAO over here in Canada :) Visiting from SITS thanks for the chuckle!!!
    Mom of Multiples recently posted..Why the diaper companies are laughing all the way to the bank…

  12. The bullet one was pretty much the funniest things I've ever read!! Mine have been pretty lame but I think my favorite was "loving an engineer".

  13. I don't check my analytics much but I do enjoy looking at the search strings

  14. I once posted a history of my life – through bras. And you should see the search things I get. Stuff like: teenage braless huge boobs OR braless porn OR moms with no boobs.

    Redonkulous. Also? I love reading my spam!

    Perhaps I need to rethink my life..

  15. OMGracious! That's too funny… I try not to obsess…"try" being the operative word!
    Single Mom in the So recently posted..Friday Fragments- I Got Nothin

  16. A bullet?! Not only does that plant hideous scenarios in my mind – it kind of seems like common sense, right? Unless they confused bullets with bubblegum… then it's still a yes, but it will take 7 years.
    beckie & the gru recently posted..I Thought A Size 6 Was “Thick”

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