One Chapter Ends..

And a new one begins. The Baby Chapter in my daughter’s life is coming to an end and her Toddler Chapter is about to begin.

Here I sit, on what I can consider my daughter’s last night as a baby. She’s not walking yet but she’s still a toddler. Tomorrow, I’ll have a toddler. The 7 lb 2 oz baby  that I gave birth to just one year ago is now a crawling, standing, babbling little girl. How did it go by so quickly? Did I stop and enjoy the little moments enough? Will I remember what it was like to cradle her in my arms and listen to her newborn grunts & snuffles a year from now?

I felt okay with everything until today. I really did. It’s just a birthday, I’d think. I’m blessed she gets a birthday.
And I know how blessed I am. I have a living child for whom to throw a party..

But about midday, I began to feel sad. And weepy. I looked at a few of her newborn pictures and almost started to cry. My child is almost a year old. I, like so many mothers before me, am running the gauntlet of emotions. Pride. Love. Sadness. Joy. Fear. Trepidation. Longing. It’s so hard, and confusing, and wonderful. I don’t know if I’m going to make it through her party tomorrow without crying.

We’re having a very small family party at my mother-in-law’s house. I’ll be armed with my camera, ready to capture every sweet moment.. Every smile, every taste of cake. Forever caught on film for me to re-visit as she grows. Today, I kept running through the last hours of my pregnancy in my mind. In a matter of hours, I’ll no longer be able to think, This time last year I was ____ weeks pregnant.

I’m excited for the new chapter in Nellie’s life to begin. I’m also sad for the one that is about to close. That stage of my baby’s life is gone forever. New adventures, memories, and moments await us and that thought makes me smile and anticipate what is yet to come.

But as I gaze upon the photos of  my daughter just moments after her birth, my heart can’t help but break just a little bit for those precious times that only exist now in my memory.

Keep me in your thoughts tomorrow, my friends. At 4:15 PM tomorrow, my child will officially be 1 year old.

Bye bye, baby. Hello toddler.

Wordless Wednesday: 1 Year Ago

January 19th, 2010. 40w2d. Less than 12 hours before going into labor.