I’ve suspected for about as long as I’ve been aware of such things that I suffer from mild anxiety. Feelings of not wanting to go back to school after a few days’ absence, feeling worried and anxious when I’ve forgotten to do something important, etc.

Since having a baby, it has gotten worse. Amplified. My anxiety is full-blown and takes my breath away sometimes. I started feeling kind of weird about it when I worked my Telemarketing Job From Hell. One day as I was texting Joshua I started breathing fast and feeling like I wanted to just run away. I wanted to spring from my chair, sprint down the stairs and run as far as I could. I actually retreated to the bathroom to breathe & cry for a few minutes.

The anxious feelings come out of nowhere sometimes. Right now as I type this, there is a ball in my stomach. It’s a squirming, writhing feeling that is twisting itself into a big uncomfortable knot. I feel overwhelmed. I feel helpless. I feel anxious.

But about what?

I don’t know but I fucking hate this feeling. I have these anxious feelings more and more often and I can’t really pinpoint a trigger. They just happen. I’m starting to wonder more frequently if I need to seek some sort of medicine for the anxiety because as I’ve said, it’s always been there but since I had a baby and my hormones went HOORAY LET’S SMASH AND RUIN THINGS it’s been so much worse.

I know that my anxious feelings have led to a decline in my hobbies; when I get to feeling anxious I don’t want to go to chorus. I don’t want to really do anything but not feel anxious anymore. I just wish I knew where the hell these feelings came from.

Am I totally alone? Am I the only one with squirmy, knotted things living inside their stomachs for absolutely no fucking reason whatsoever? How do you deal with this shit?


  1. You're not alone. We are out here, suffering in the corner with you.

    Get help, and get meds if you need them. It helps.

  2. I've had anxiety off and on, even before Cora died. You could either opt to go straight for the drugs or try doing stuff like Yoga and meditation to zen you out. Anxiety sucks. But, you're so not alone. xo

  3. Almost never a day goes by that I DON'T have those feelings. (Though some days are worse than others.) I feel almost constant paranoia and anxiety. I will make myself almost vomiting-sick obsessing over things at times. (Even things that are YEARS in the past.) It's an awful feeling.
    Mandi recently posted..Music Man

  4. So sorry you are going through this. :( I am totally in an anxious place right now, too. Even the Zoloft I'm taking for PPD doesn't seem to make a dent. I'm just immobilized by anxiety! I hope some of your readers have some "dealing with it tips", cuz I'd love to see them, too! (Gawd, sorry for the Debby Downer comment!).

  5. You are most certainly not alone.

    Medication is one possible solution. I would also recommend talking to a therapist. And trying some of the things Kristine suggested.

  6. Panic attacks. I had my first one in eighth grade on the volleyball court. One minute everything’s fine, and then BAM! I’m overwhelmed and suffocating and can’t stop gulping huge amounts of air at record speed.

    That was almost 30 years ago, and I still get these attacks, particularly when depression is getting the best of me. What’s helped:

    – counseling (see my note at the end)

    – medication – antidepressants (if your anxiety is tied in to depression) or anti-anxiety

    – exercise – it’s not *the* answer, but 30 minutes every day or two really helps to clear my head and seems to help with anxiety/stress. Yoga is good if you like that, though I prefer running.

    – deep breathing, visualization, repeating one positive phrase to myself over and over again–these are things I learned/practiced in counseling that have helped

    – most important is understanding what’s going on and not letting yourself get psyched out by it when you begin to feel anxious. Counseling can really, really help with this.

    As a person who has dealt with anxiety and panic attacks for a long time, I would recommend talking to a counselor, and, if the counselor thinks medication should be an option, seeing a doctor for that. As I’m sure you know, medication is a wonderful thing, but it can also mask the real issues, which isn’t a wonderful thing.

    Just my $0.02! Sorry you are having to deal with this, and I hope you’re able to get help soon.
    Nina recently posted..Toddler Tuesday

  7. You are not alone. I have the same-ish issues. While you aren’t alone, it’s not necessarily normal, so get help. I am.
    Eileen @ Bringing Up Bronwyn recently posted..4 more sleeps

  8. NO. You are NOT alone!!! I was diagnosed with Generalized Anxiety Disorder in my early 20s but I know I've suffered my entire life. Having a bipolar bitch for a mom didn't help, either. It is hard work, but you CAN feel better and you WILL feel better with therapy, medication and support. Feel free to email and ask me anything. I mean it. I will answer any question you throw at me honestly and openly.

  9. No your not alone, but I dont know how to fix it either. I too have wondered about meds, but havent taken any steps. Im worried what kind of insurance crap Id get into. (((hugs))) no advice, just saying your not alone.

  10. You are NOT alone. I had similar things happening to me that included strange outbursts of crying for no paticular reason' incredible mood swings, fear of leaving my house for anything (followed by being sad that no one EVER wanted to do anything with me- I wonder why) and the fact that I could sleep literally all day.
    I finally went to a doctor, my cause:depression. I never even thought it could be depression. Once I knew WHAT it was, I could start dealing with it.
    I guess what I am saying is, you should maybe see someone about it. It may not be depression but the doctors can usually help in some way.
    I hope you are feeling better soon.

  11. Lori Green says:

    You are absolutely NOT alone. I don' t know how you feel about medications, but being put on Alprazolam specifically for my anxiety (in addition to depression meds) has helped. Don't get me wrong, it's not gone entirely, but it has cut down on how often it happens. I do still have those attacks out of nowhere and for no reason, but it's much less often.

  12. Oh man girl I wish I could begin to explain how anxiety has controlled my life~~! Mine is majorly triggered by my thyroid issues but I do have it most of the times to a small extent even when my thyroid is not off. meds have been my lifesaver. I was dragging the family to the ER at midnight sure I was going to drop dead any second only to have the feelings stop when we pulled up in front of the door. Sleeping and unable to stay awake. Unable to function. BAD BAD stuff!!! I hope you are happy and less anxious soon!

  13. I suffer from anxiety and take medication for it. When I'm not on it and take it regularly I get that same knotty feeling and start panicing. It makes life really difficult not only for me, but also those around me. If its something that happens on a regular basis, maybe you can talk to your health care provider?

  14. It seems that so many more people than we expect feel the same as we do. I always thought that i was alone in my feelings, the my crazy emotions and outburts were unique to me, but i soon learned through the blog world that i was wrong, i wasnt alone, and so many other people feel just as i do.

    I too get the knot in my stomach, some days for no reason at all, i will be happy then all of a sudden BOOM, my stomach is in knots an i cant control myself or my behaviour, sometimes i even get scared of myself. Normally it is my husband that cops it because he does something small that just seems to set me off, i will scream and yell,cry and hurt, and that knot in my stomach just wont go away…

    But truth be told, i have no answers for it, i wish i did, i wish i could help you or make a suggestion, but i cant. All i can let you know is that for me getting out of the house and going for a walk with my ipod, going for a run, or heading to the gym, just for some time out really helps me. I also sometimes bake, i love doing that & it seems to calm me down for some reason. Maybe finding something relaxing that you like doing, taking five minutes for you… I know it is SO hard when you have a baby, but i always remember someone once telling me – happy mommy happy baby… Make sure you look after yourself.

    Sending you lots of love x


  1. […] few months ago, I blogged about my recurring issues with anxiety. I got a lot of really positive feedback and comments with people coming forward and telling me the […]

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