Things I Never Thought I’d Say

There are a lot of things that surprise me about motherhood. How one can survive on 7+ straight months of sleep deprivation. How one tiny little person can make such a horrible, stinky mess in their diaper. How much love my heart can hold.

But I think what surprises me most are the things that come out of my mouth since becoming a mother. For example.

“Please get your mouth off of the kitty’s ear.”
“No, we do not eat rocks!”
“Did you just pee on the rug?”
“She would have napped.. If she hadn’t pooped ten minutes in and woken herself up.”
“Her poop was perfect! Not too hard but not too runny.”
“Oh my god. Did she just lick her diaper pail?”
“No! We do not put our mouth on the shopping cart!”
“No! We do not put our mouth on the slide!”
“I don’t think that your friend wants to be licked on the face.”
“Shoes are for wearing, not for eating.”
“I don’t think that doggy appreciates you pulling on his lips like that.”
“How old was that goldfish cracker she just ate off the floor?”

What are some things that have come out of your mouth as a parent that you never imagined yourself saying?